Hits and dashes, or, A medley of sketches and scraps, touching people and things
page: 0 (TitlePage) [View Page 0 (TitlePage) ] HITS AND DASHES' A MEDLEY OF SKETCHES AND SCRAPS, iotu ting tpeople an0 djing-* BY cOYMON." WHLOM PUBLISHED IN DIVERS NEWS-PRINTS OF THB DAY, Will you stay, gentlemen? A piece of beef and cold capon, that's all;-- You know you're welcome." BOSTON: PUBLISHED BY REDDING & CO., No. 8 State Street. 1852. page: 0[View Page 0] Entered according to Act of Congress, in the ar 185 1851, Ils the tOeir' Office of the District Court of the District of Mmosaeh petf;. 37 Cornhill, Boston. page: 0 (Table of Contents) [View Page 0 (Table of Contents) ] 1. v TABLE OF CONTENTS. Aunt Brite's Soap Kettle, - - Page 9 A Bait, 137 A Climax, - . 139 A Clean Sweep, 1 3 A Denouement, .. . . . 37 An Epistle from Newhuryport to the Boston Post, - 83 " " " " - 106 " c "s - 109 " Byfield, " " - 97 "' South Berwick, " - - 100 " Middleton, N. H., " - 108 " North Scituate, - - 146 A Gentle Hint, ... 67 A Lenient Damsel, - - - - 131 A Portrait, - 45 A Surprise, . 15 A Situation, - - A Sight, - - - 58 A Saturday Evening Sketch, - - - 59 A "Sell," - - - - 61 A SlightMistake, - - - 148 A Squall, - 149 Cutting it thick, - - - 71 Cutting it Fat, or the Parson and the Cheeses, - - 73 Disappointment and Tears, - - - 113 page: viii (Table of Contents) [View Page viii (Table of Contents) ] TO1 TABLE OF CONTENTS. Grand "Hop " at the Ocean House, Black Rocks, 92 Interesting Assoeiations, 27 Mysterious Twaddle, 125 :Parson Milton, 75 Scraps from my Sketch Book, - - - 52 Spirit Chirography, - - - 22 Spicing it High and Doing it B1rown, 136 Scraps from my Sketch Book, 140 a u ; - - . - 144 hae Battle of-Quamphegan, - - 17 'gTbh Confession, . - . -- 112 The. Consummation, .114 The Close-of the Year, . 151 The Gem of Moose Mountain, 43 T e Star of Witchtrott, - - - 46 TheiUnsung Doxology, 4 - - - - 41 Teii Wrong Document, - - 3 The Dying Fisherman, - - 143 Ucle Ephraim's Husking, - 28 Whitewashing Extraordinary, 55 YWine Tasting, - - - 9 i. APOLOGY. IN compliance with the importunities of many of" my friends, and for the purpose of gathering these fugitive Pieces togeth- er, I sanction the publishing of this volume. Sl6uld it appear, however, by a sudden absorption of this edition, that the work takes, I have another budget in reserve which shall be forthcoming in due season. Hoping that all who take the trouble to read this book will find something therein to please them, I subscribe myself the Reader's Humble Servant, THE AUTHOR. P. S. Having been " got up in haste, several small errors have occurred in this work, which the intelligent reader will perceive, pardon and rectify, page: 0-9[View Page 0-9] HTS AND DASHES: OR, A MEDLEY OF SKETCHES AND SCRAPS. AUNT BRITE'S SOAP KETTLE, A LEGEND OF WITCHTROTT. , "Double, double toil and trouble, Fire, burn; and cauldron bubble*"-Macheth.\ ,WITCHTROT T, is the appellation of a small wt -township, lying on the banks of a romnantici stream, which empties itself in Quamphegan river, at Berwick, Maine. There is a tradition among them, that many were the old women of the broomstick order, "who l^cAt the country-side in fear, in days gone by; and many are the tales of their exploits. Aunt Keziah Brite was a good, peaceable neighbort';' one who feaied the ministers and deacons,-- and feared' not witches, -drank rum, went to meeting' regularly, could ismoke a pipe, and read in the lIrge Bible. She lived in those: days when a saint could b'- distinguished from other people,: by their actionis without being obliged .:to lvear :ab coiade, as tfiey page: 10-11[View Page 10-11] 10 HTS AND DASHES. inevitably will have to in future, if the age degener- ates as much as it has of late ; but to our story :- Now this good woman would fain make soap,--as almost all economical women are wont to do. Accordingly she: set up her leeclh-tub, got her ket- tle mended, looked into the minister's almanack, in order to ascertain when the moon would be full, bought a quart of Newu England, with the proceeds of three quarts of Whortleberries - she dealt large- ly in that article,-and when they were about to build the new meeting-house, prayed fervently that the Lord would cause the berries to grow as big as pumpkins, so that she would be the better able to contribute towards building him a handsome house of worship. All things being ready, she commenced operations. Her composition had been simmering over thy fire about an hour, when who should come, in, but old Mog Sudgskins, an old hag as ugly as Na- ture could possibly form her. She heard -that Aunt Brite had a supply of rum, and brought a gourd-shell, which she desired the good woman to fill with the Nectar. Aunt Brite loved old Mog as well as his Sa- tanic majesty does holy-water, and instead of comply- ing with her request, she told her to leave the house, as quick as she could conveniently, and never to show her ugly face there again. After giving her this gen- tle hint, that her room was better than her comnpany, she sat herself down on an inverted half-bushel meas- ure, and went to poking the fire vehemently. But Mog stood in awful majesty in the centre of the floor. AUNT BRITES SOAP KETTLE. 1I rolled up her tremendous eye-balls, and repeated in a deep sepulchral tone, these lines: "'Tis true my phiz is something odd; , If you blame me, you blame my God." Indignant at being refused the liquor, and- having her face called ugly, she was determined to be revenged-; "May your soap neverj come! she ejaculated, in a fiendish whisper. Then, stamping her foot on the floor, and waving her skinny finger in. the air three times, she went out, and slammed the door after her so hard, that it made the very soap-kettle tremble. The sun had long since buried himself in Quarn. phegan river; the full moon had just showed her hon- est face, which she had- a few moments since washed in Tacnic pond, and began to play her wild pranks, by shining through the crevices and broken win- dows of the old school-house, casting long, fantastic shadowsatcross the uneven road, "' making night hid- eous," and- the timid lover, as he was wending his way homeward from a courting expeditionl'; most horribly to shakes his disposition," when Aunt Brite finished the last drop of rum, and leaning her head back against the oven-lid, gave herself up to'despair.- She had toiled all day, and the contents of her kettle had not been converted into soap." . . . "rThat hour o' night's black arch, the keystone," had neow" ari ved; the fire, which had long since gone dowlflt began gradually to brighten up, the ingredients in the kettle commenced bubbling, and- "t Thrice the brindled cat had mew'd, Thrice, and once, the hedge-pig whin'd; ' page: 12-13[View Page 12-13] 12 . HTS AND DASHES. when a sprite came headlong down the chimney, and after turning a half dozen'somersels, seated himself a-straddle the -crane, and holding up the tine of a pitchfork, waved it over the kettle, whereupon a score of goblins came up from the ash-hole, one after the other, like unto the ghosts in Richard, and seated themselves around the brim of the kettle, in breathless silence, waiting further orders. Then he waved his broken pitchfork again, and the composition began to separate. A stream of grease ran out into the fire; another of rosin followed, which blazed up mightily, and gave an imposing effect to the spirits, and their sovereign, who looked down upon them in awful maj. esty. Last, not least, came the ley in a mighty stream, which darted across the room with the veloc- ity of lightning, amid wendedl its way into the bung- hole of a cask of vinegar, which was lying in one corner of the room; the acid and alkali commenced hostilities at once, and being mingled together, both es- caped in a torrent through the aperture, foaming like a soda-fountain, and besprinkling the whole apart. ment. The magic tine wxas moved once more; this was a signal for the imps to commence operations and at it they went. Oine of them who resembled Old Nick, caught up the gridiron, and using the bars for strings, " struoe the latt guitar " for the rest, who ' reeled and, set,: and cross'd and cleek it.". The pigs, Mwho probably were descendents of those we read of in the good book, were let out of the pen by some unseen hand, and j oined in 'the mazy dance; two AUNT BSRITE'S SOAP KETTLE. 13 Tom-cats came in for their share in the sport. The wooden trenchers danced a hornpipe on the'dressers-; the old-fashioned clock which had always heretofore behaved with the utmost propriety, now struck nine hundred and ninety-nine times. Chairs and tables flew about like mad,--the windows rattled like a dice-box,-- doors opened and shut alternately,-the house was in an uproar. It seemed as if Beelzebub's dragoons had been let loose, and had made this house their ren- dezvous. The sport had now arrived at its height; all the performers were busily engaged, when, of a sudden, Adonijah Clabberpin's red-tailed rooster screamed his morning hymn, and the leader of this devilish squad, like-- ', Some old smoker, seated by the fire, Who takes his last whiff ere the flame expire," seized the tin horn which hung up beside the door, '-and " blew a blast so loud and dread," as made the house shake to the very foundation; whereupon the spirits flew back and roosted on the edge of the kettle, as before. Their captain then took the two Toni-cats, that had just finished a Spanish dance, and hitched them to the bale with a skein of yarn which hung in the fire-place; that being done, he jumped into the kettle, when up the chimney "t'ie hellish goblins sallied." The pigs then went back to their,places,- the clock went on regularly,-chairs and tables went back to their places,-the trenchers sat upright, as all good -behaved dishes should; and all was silent as the grave. Next morning Aunt Brite found her kettle in , Ir IC U I U III I page: 14-15[View Page 14-15] " ' HTS AND PASHBS. the cow-yard, but so bruised and mis-shapen that she could never use it again.. The old lady has never since attempted to make soap without first sending Mog a pint of rum, nailing a horse shoe over the fire- place, and hanging Another on the crane. Now this is the truth of the story; but some of the neighbors, who are no better lhan they should be,-evil-minded and malicious, not having the fear of witches before their eyes, have hinted that-whist! softly!-this good woman got drunk! and fell asleep, when some roguish boys went in and threw a pound of gunpow- der under the kettle, among the" embers, which sent the kettle where the old lady found it. It savored very strong of gunpowder, but she said it smelt more, like brimstone; and as the two articles smell very much alike, I have as much reason to believe her story as theirs. Old Mog lies buried in one corner of Witchtrott grave-yard; a plain-slate stone marks her- place of rest, on which is chiselled, by some rude hland, this beautiful couplet, written by the village schoolmaster, and serves both for her epitaph and elegy: "Here lies Old Moggy, let her rest, For she to Witchtrott was a pest." She has been buried about thirty years, and has not rien yet, and it is not very probable she ever will rise until the archangel winds the last trump. A SURPRHSE. Sf A ' SURPRISE. D ERHAPS no class of beings are capable of en- joying a frolic like the negroes. They go in for fiddling and dancing with a perfect looseness; and their whole soul is bound up in a tamborine. When I was a youngster it did my very soul good to see the dark inhabitants of modern Guinea put in the 'shuffle rigadoon," at the house of the she-.publican of Guinea. "ection day then, was 'lection day, and nothin* else." But what a falling off now. Well may the darkies exclaim, " O, tempora! O, mores! T"Twas next to impossible to get any work out of the sombre sons and daughters of Africa, for a week previous or a week after the auspicious day. Some forty years since, in the good town of New- buryport, lived one Phillis, a dingy damsel, but a good, faithful, and honest servant. Her mistress had no occasion to find fault with her from January to December, except a week or two prior to 'lection- then it seemed as if the very deuce was in Phillis, for she would dance, sing, and caper like mad, in antici- pation of the eventful day. To remedy this evil, her mistress concluded to keep her in the dark till the very day arrived, for unless Phillis was told the month sheo never would be the wiser, as she ,ctook no note of time," save by observations on nature and things. Spring had advanced. Phillis heard the dulcet page: 16-17[View Page 16-17] HTS AND .DASHES, notes of the feathered songsters. "'0, missus, missus, 'lection's fcoming." "Not so soon, Phillis," returned her mistress, " but when it comes you shall know." The trees had began to blossom. ' Now, missy, 'lection's pretty near, sartin." "Not quite yet," said the matron.. . At length the glorious day arrived. Phillis's mis- tress thought it best to let her 'get breakfast and clear away the things, then she would give her some coin, let her dress herself up in her holiday attire, and send her off to the head quarters--Guinea. Already had the sons and daughters of Africa assembled together. The flag was waving in triumph from the chimney- top of Dorothy's hotel. Tin-kettles and jugs were passing to and fro from the stores where the " balm of life" was wont to be sold; to the huts of Guiniea. But Phillis wot not of it, for her whereabouts was out of the sound of the revelry. But just as our heroine had put down the steak to broil, a colored minstrel, dressed in gay attire, stopped in front of the house in which Phillis was domiciled, and struck up a soul-inspiring break-down. The 'effect was electrical! Phillis dropped the fork.- threw the salt into the fire- trod, on the butter-plate--and made one bound for the door, - then screamed to the " top o her bent,h" "O, missus, missus, gor amighty, missus, 'lection has come, sure nuf!" 'Twas vain to urge her to break her fast, much less to prepare the meal for the family. -$he could hardly be prevailed upon to change her dress; but her toilet THE BATTLE OF, QUAMPHEGAN. 17 was soon arranged, and quicker than a bullet from a gun she took a bee-line for Guinea,-there to revel to her heart's content,- there to eat 'lection cake, drink egg-nogg, and "Dance all night till broad day-light, And drink ginmsling in the morning." THE BATTLE OF QUAMPHEGAN. SHOW it came to pass in the one thousand eight hundred and thirty-eighth year of the Christian era, That Abimelech was chosen commander over the 'soldiers of "Old Fields," which in the vernacular tongue is called Berwick. Now Abimelech was young, he had not yet been to the barber's to have the superfluous down removed from his face,-yet, moreover, he began to assume the appearance and display the vigor of manhood. The sons of 1"Old Fields," Witchtrott, and Tacnic, saw him and trembled; the very parson uttered his voice and raised his hands at his "approach. He wentest forth for the safety of the people, and when the people saw him they cried aloud with one voice, a Our country is safe!" ;[ And it came to pass on the twenty-fourth day of the ninth month of the eighteen hundred and thirty. page: 18-19[View Page 18-19] 18 HTS AND DASHES. ninth year of the Christian era, and the sixty-third year of our -national independence, that the several companies of Quamphegan and Tacnic, and round about the margin of Quamphegan river, assembled together at the training field which lieth in Quam- phegan, To show themselves with their equipments to the general officers and the smiling daughters of Quam- phegan and Witchtrott and, Sligo. As soon as the several companies were all as. sembled, the officers chosen for that purpose delivered unto -each man his rations, consisting of two flat cakes, in the vernacular called gingerbread, and filled their canteens with hard cider, which being interpreted signifieth fermented juice of the apple. Now of Abimelech's company, twenty strong men bore muskets, and ten bore pitchforks and rails, and all these were mighty men of valor. Moreover, there were assembled two other compa- nies from 'the towns round about Quamphegan, and Abimeleeh found favor in their eyes. Now it came to pass at eventide, when the several companies were dismissed, that the Quamphegans and the Tearshirtites and the Bonnie-Bigites, having drank deep of the hard cider, waxed quarrelsome, and were rife for a fight, Therefore they commenced battle by throwing the remnants of their dinners, and the viands which werie vended from the tables round about the field, at one anotlher. THE BATTLE OF QUAMPHEGAN. 19 And Abimelech was struck upon the head with a bean-pot; moreover, his face, which was but a few moments before covered with glory, was now be. smeared with a "yellow tremblers" which in the native language signifies an Indian pudding. Now Abimelech's second officer, even the lieuten- ant, was struck upon the unmentionables, with a purmpkin pie, even upon the seat thereof. Then Abimelech's wrath Was kindled, his ire was up: "Ye men of 'Old Fields,' Tacnic, and Witch- trott! twill ye stand this, and see your leaders covered withl pudding, pumpkin pie, and dishonor. "Arise, I say unto you, avenge my wrongs, and I will make you mighty men, even like unto myself.'t After they had spoken these words, they all arose of one accord, and " let in" upon their enemies. And the air was filled wits fragments of .ginger?, bread, pies, cakes, brick-bats, and many other things. which are not written in the history of this battle; and the baked beans were strewed around in abundance., And the battle waxed hotter and hotter, inasmuch as the soldiers loaded their muskets, and fired upon one another, albeit they left out the bullets of lead; Nevertheless their enemies were not dismayed, and. brick-bats, and clubs, and stones, were thrown with much violence amid the fire antl smoke. How the battle would have ended, nobody could have told, had not a part of the strong men of Witch- trott laid in ambush, and attacked the Quampheganers in the rear. page: 20-21[View Page 20-21] 20 HTS AND DASHES. Now the Quampheganers jwist not that there was any one laid in ambush agairst them. So whilst they were rushing upon the enemy, the men who were in ambush rushed upon them and defeated them. Then the Quampheganers took to their heels for home ; and they left behind them great spoils, which the "Old Fieldites," and Witchtrotters, and Tacnicers claimed. And of the spoils, more than twenty baskets full of pies, and cakes, and " yellow tremblers," were carried into "Old Fields," Tacnic, and Witchtrott, in triumph. Now there was great rejoicing in "Old Fields," and Tacnic, and Witchtrott; And they lighted dipped candles, and sticked them into turnip and poiatoe candlesticks, and illuminated their dwellings therewith. And the hearts of the people were made glad by divers and sundry libations'of blackstrap; and fiddling and dancing were in abundance. But the Quampheganers were sorrowful and of heavy heart, for her proud sons were humbled, her bright escutcheon tarnished, and her brilliant deeds outshone. A' SITUATION- 21 A SITUATION. CHERE must always be a first time to everything q under the blessed sun. I have often thought of the heart-beatings attendant upon the first appearance of the actor, the clergyman, and the barrister. -But compared with the experience I am about to relate, theirs is " nothing to the show." The winter liwas fifteen, and full of blue veins, I made a visit to a country town. One day the good lady of the house where I sojourned, took a notion of visiting her parents at a neighboring village, and in- vited me to go with her to drive. 'Twas excellent sleighing, and being a pretty good Jehu, I " put her over the road" in good style -and time. There was a buxom, bouncing lassie where we stopped -a rela- tive of the lady that came with me- who by her invi- tation agreed to return with us. I brought the team up to the door in /good shape, waited upon the ladies into the " cutter," then jumped in myself, and stand, ing in the middle of the sleigh, gave a flourish with the whip. We were off in a twinkling, at nearly 2.40 speed. 'Did n't I feel grand? "Why don't you-sit down?" exclaimed the good woman to me, after we had got well under way. 'Twas the last thing I thought of. Sit down, for- sooth! -and where? thought I, "I had rather stand" replied I, modestly. "But you had better page: 22-23[View Page 22-23] 22 HTS AND DASHES. sit," urged the damsel. I looked around, colored a little, and still declined. I heard a whispering some- thing about being bashful. A trifle more crimson came over my countenance, but I still drove on. I was just getting my natural color again, and was feel- ing pretty comfortable, when, of a sudden, I felt the arms of the damsel encircling my waist, and in a mo- ment I was drawn plump into her lap!"There," exclaimed the mischievous witch, ' sit here upon my knees--I wont't hurt you." i Every drop of blood within me, methought, then rushed into my face; I would have given the world to be free, but 'twas of no avail; the maiden held me fast- "That desperate grasp my frame might feel, Through bars of brass and triple steel!" The veins of my face were now swelled ' almost to bursting; " never did martyr suffer more intensely. The spirited horse needed not the (' braid," but he got it, I reckon. On, on we flew, with '"telegraphic" speed; the sparks of fire flew in showers thick and fAgt :from the shoes of the " cutter," as we occasion- ally slid -over a piece of bare ground. "Now do thy utmost, speedy Meg!" muttered I, mentally, as I gave the " critter" the last lick," and in a few moments we were at our jour- uey's end, and I was out of my misery. P. S. I'm not taken that way now ' THE WA RONG .DOCUMEN'. 23 THE WRONG DOCUMENT. OiME' years since, a celebrated representative to Congress, from Essex county, who resided in Newhuryport, promised a neighbor, who followed the honorable calling of truckman, that he wotuld send him one of his speeches. Lebanon, for that was the truckman's sobriquet, was amazingly elated at the idea of receiving a document from Congress. He heralded it forth to all his cronies. Expectation was clear up; all were impatient to see the " concern," though some pretended to doubt his getting it. Among the doubt. ful was a grocer, who annoyed our hero often as he met him, on his assurance of expecting documents from Congress. One bright morning, Lebanon awoke from his dreams, told his wife he felt sure the package would come that day, for he felt it - he felt it in his head- he felt it in his bones he felt it all over! He went about his business, however, but many were the mistakes he made that day. At length, in coming up State street, he espied the mail stage! it'never seemed to roll so swift, so majestic, before! On, on it thundered - the wheels rattled sweet music to his ravished ears-every spoke and felloe, seemed alive! He clapped his hands with joy, and exclaimed-- "Fly swift around, ye shining wheels, And bring that speech this way. The mail was soon landed at the post office. After page: 24-25[View Page 24-25] 24 BHTS AND DASHES. waiting awhile, with breathless anxiety, the long. wished-for package was put into Lebanon's brawney hands. See the mother when she clasps for the first time her first child! See the urchin when he comes in possession of his first top! Then you'l see our hero with his document. He ran - he flew- "C Up State street-- down Inn street, By Tom Bircher's cellar!"' and brought up all standing, for the first halt, at the grocer's. "T-h-e-r-e! There!" exclaimed Lebanon, almost out of breath; "there is the document- signed, sealed and delivered;--.now I guess you believe it. But just please put it in your desk for a few moments while I put my horse up; I '1 be back directly for it." The grocer took the treasure, and Lebanon van- ished. Soon as our hero's back was turned, a strange freak entered the grocer-man's noddle, who, by the way, was a bit of a wag. - He removed the wrapper carefully, took out the document, and substituted a copy of McDowall's Journal in its stead. He had scarcely finished when Lebanon returned, took the package, and made for home; told his wife to light a fire in the parlor, and he would go and invite his friends to spend the evening with him, and hear the speech read. As soon as the tea things were cleared away, Lebanon and his better-half repaired to the parlor, to await the gathering. After the company were all assembled, Lebanon -took out the document, THE WRaONG DOCUMENT. 25 and after clearing his throat, he snuffed the caadle- and commenced reading, thus . "It is computed that there are no less than three hundred houses of questionable reputation in this city, and-'9 "That is n't Mr. Cushing's speech," exclaimed the good wife. "Silence! ' ejaculated our hero,; and went on. "And from three to four thousand females who do not walk strictly in the paths- of virtue. With these startling facts before us, who among the virtuous and upright, that certainly must shudder at these facts, but will lay hold- and lend a helping hand to this great - " "Well, if that's Mr. Cushing's speech, I don't want to hear any more of it," again spoke out the- good woman, who then took up a book and com- menced reading to herself. "Do n't interrupt me again," said our hero, and then went on; but the more he read, the more he was bewildered;- 'at last,by the more sober judgment of his friends--and he himself began to look about a little -he came to the conclusion that he had been hoaxed, and, as nobody but the grocer had had the package, he was the transgressor. After making his company promise to wait his return, he went to the stable, took out his horse, mounted him in a twinkling, and armed with a big cart-whip, started for the grocery, without saddle or bridle, guiding his animal by the halter. When he arrived, the shop was closed for the night, 3 . page: 26-27[View Page 26-27] 26 HfTS AND DASHES. Nothing daunted, he repaired to the delinquent's dom- icil. Rap- rap--thump.--bang! went the haft of the MV hip against the door, which soon brought out the grocer. With fire in eye and whip in hand, our hero demanded the document. The grocer owned up, and asked him ifit was n't a good joke. "We 'l talk about thiat in the morning!" thun- dered forth Lebanon,--" but I must have the docu- ment to-night." It was at the store- he could have it in the morn. ing; but nothing else would answer for Lebanon, but he must go for it then. At length the Simon-pure was in the possession of our hero; he gallopped back to his friends, who were still waiting his return. The speech was read, and relished hugely by his admiring audience, and MeDowall's Journal was committed to the flames. Next morning a bundle of the best tea and a nice loaf of sugar from the grocer's healed the breach between him and Lebanon. INTERElSl A2,SOCIATIONS. 27 ; INTERESTING ASSOCIATIONS: 3gOW muchhthe charm of some localities consists in their associations! On the borders ]of Maine and New Hampshire, lies some of the finest scenery in the wPorld. It was always my delight to journey through that region. Chancing at a friend's house at Lebanon) Maine, some years since, the conversation turned on the scenery in that county,-when the daughter of mine host, a pretty little unsophisticated girl of sixteen, broke in upon us with the inquiry, addressed to me, "Have you seen Sanford Corner, sir?" I confessed I had not. "Then," added she, ' let me tell you that it is just the loveliest spot in all. creation. I never saw such beautiful scenery. I never enjoyed myself half so well at any other place. O, I could live there forever!"' / A short time afterwards, on a journey to the White Mountains, I noticed a guide board at the fork of a road, bearing the soul-stirring intelligence that we were but four miles to Sanford Corner! As good luck would have it, our coach was going that very road. Now, quoth I to myself, I'm bound to see the "Ioveliest spot in all creation!" The sluggish coach was too slow for my imagination. Already had my fancy pictured rural scenes, forest-trees, purling streams, meandering through picturesque banks, silver page: 28-29[View Page 28-29] '28 HTS AND DASHES. cascades, and-- but ere I had got half through wiith my landscape, we were set down at Sanford Corner. I looked eagerly about me for the proof of what I had heard, but in vain. Alas! it was all barren - a "very ordinary place; and void of any one feature of the rural or picturesque. Of course I felt disappointed. A short time afterwards I was again in the domicil of my old friend at- Lebanon. So, my little maid, said I to the damsel who had colored up the " cor- ner," I have seen what you were pleased- to term the "Ioveliest spot in all creation," but I must confess I could see no beauty in the making up of the place; how comes it you should be so delighted with so bar- ren a spot? But ere the girl could speak for herself, her little sister unravelled the mystery,-"Sophia's beau lives there ,t UNCLE EPHRAIM'S HUSKING. A LARGE stack of Indian Maize-- dead ripe-- ;'^s1 stood in the middle of Uncle Ephraim Hus- sey's threshing floor, at Lebanon, ready to, be husked out. Bobby had started off, bright and early, upon the six-year-old colt, to give out invitations for the husking frolic, coming off that evening. Uncle Ephe had gone to the "Falls " with the old nag and wagon, to get some i' sugar and things;" besides, UNCLE EPHRAIM'S HUSKING. 29 to have the rundlet filled at Deacon Pratt's, with ' o-be-joyful!" For who in 'nater" would think of getting up a husking- if they were -' temperance" -- without these " fixings.?" Thankful and M-ercy, his two daughters, were up to their elbows in baking - and his good wife was busy as a bee, overlooking operations, and putting things to rights. Bobby had just returned. "Well, gals," said he, 4' I've gi'n out all your invites, besides a few more on my own hook. I've axed Suke Midget, Nance Downer and her feller, Bets Muzzey, Polly Widgen, the two Pressy gals, Phebe Mullen and her sister, with her feller, and the gal' froml Milton, that's visiting there;-two or three more I scan't stop to think on, besides the fellers,--'Tom Tracy, Bill Diggory, Isaiah Corson, Joel Pillsbury, and a hull lot more of the chaps that live down by the plains; and last, not least, Charley Stevens is coming, sure; and I forgot to say, Amos Bunker says he will come with his fiddle!" Evening came, and the company began to assem- ble. They seated themselves around the pile of corn, and commenced operations. Not much said at first, for they saw there was work to be done; and, besides, they had not got warm yet, as Uncle Ephraim ob- served; but, one of the youngsters getting a red ear it " opened the ball."' He was, of course, according to the rules of all huskings, entitled to a kiss all round; and at it he went,--eommecing at the girl next him, and following it up until he came to page: 30-31[View Page 30-31] 30 BITS AND DASHES. her from Milton, who vowed and declared she wouldn't be kissed, that night-- she knew; but the obstinate maiden was obliged to surrender,-for, after scratching the youth on his nose, and biting his hand, she came off finally with such a shower of hearty smacks-from him, that her cheeks were fairly blistered -which operated as a warning to all refractory dam- sels, should any others chance to be there. Things now went on "-slick as ile," as Uncle Ephe said, -no trouble among the girls when a red ear was announced; on the contrary, they seemed to relish it hugely; and the Milton girl had not, now, the least objection to be saluted, provided they did it upon her lips - for she declared her cheeks felt very sore! Quite a heap -of the golden grain was now husked out, and the jolly proprietor thought it about time to tap the good stuff. A bucket of black-strap was quickly fixed up and handed round to the "men- folks," - and mugs of sweetened cider to the women; fun and frolic then commenced in good earnest. Charley Stevens was called up for a story, which he did up in his inimitable style, setting the whole cir- cle in a roar. Tom Tracy and his girl were next up. roariously called for, to do up a song together, and they tuned their voices right merrily to the ballad of "( Two Unfortunate Lovyers," pouring forth the rich melody, in shrill nasal tones, " long drawn out," accompanied by Amos Bunker's Violin. Uncle Ephraim was next on the docket; he must tell his famous Witch Story; so after a brilnful tin dipper UNCLE EPHRAIM'S HUSKING. 31 of the precious liquid from the bucket,- not the " old oaken," - he hemmed, took out his quid of tobacco, and thus began: - THE WITCH OF LEBANON PLAINS. "I han't a doubt but some on ye here, will dispute this 'ere story, but I tell you, 'tis true as preaching, nevertheless. You see, about twenty years ago, we had a witch about this neighborhood, that is, I called her a witch, and most of the neighbors did, although some wouldn't admit it; but I only wish the doubtful ones could have gone through what I did, one night, I guess as how they would have come to the conclu- sion, that the old sarpent, or some evil speret or other, was round about these premises! This old hag - they called her Aunt Spudgins-- called at our house one day, and wanted her-snuff box filled with yaller snuff; we had filled it for her two or three times, for nothing, and this time I told her she had better go and buy it herself, as we couldn't afford to find her in snuff for nothing, always. Such a look as she gin me, then, no mortal-man never seed, I'll be bound; then, muttering something between her teeth, she started off in a huff. We thought no more on't at that time, so nothing more wassaid, than that we were glad to get rid of the old critter. The next day, I had to go to Dover with my team, to haul a load of wood down, and bring a load of no- tions up, for Mr. Cowell -our trader at the " corner," then. Wal, you all on ye know that speret, them page: 32-33[View Page 32-33] -32 BITS AND DASHES. days, was a staple article ; a man couldn't keep store without it; and many is the good pious deacon, who has made a snug little fortin by dealing in the article; but never mind that, it is nothing to do with my story now; all I wanted to say about the spirit, was, that it was part of my load home that night. I got my load all on, and after a good hearty swig; of old W. I. at the store where I :got my notions, I started off,-the storekeeper, as-was his custom, pre- senting me with a pint bottle of the " stuff" to last me home. I had been eating salt-fish and crackers at the store for a lunch, just before- I started, and by the- time I got to the -"Falls," wasn't I dry? I took a swig from the " pistol," and jogged on, happy as a clam, but my thirst wasn't quenched a bit; I took another, and another, but my throat was dry as a lime kiln, or as a country ministers sermons! By the time I had got to-the edge of the plains, every drop was gone from the " pistol," and yet my burning thirst was not quenched. I didn't dare to drink cold water, for it always gin nme the gripes; but drink something I must, and as the speret didn't taste bad, I seemed to have a fancy for that. I happened to have a gimlet in the little box on front of the cart, so I stopped the team, and soon made a hole in the top of a cask of the "' stuff," into which I inserted a straw, and putting my lips- to it, commenced opera- tions ; I thought at the time, of the words of the old soaker, " if my mother had given such suck as this, I never would have been weaned!" UNCLE EPHRAIMS 'HUSKING. 33' How long I was at the spiggot, I can't tell; the first I knowed, I had a bit stuck into my mouth, and the bridle buckled on to my head, quicker than a flash, by the old hag to whom I refused the snuff, and who seemed to drop upon me as if from the clouds. -- r I'll teach ye better than to treat me ill again!" exclaimed the old bleldame, as she seized the bridle, and snatching up my goad-stick, she sprang upon my i shoulder, standing on her feet, then giving me two or three smart pricks in my side, started me off on a clean run. 0 Away we went, she pricking and goading e on. I never ran so fast before,-it seemed as if I could never stop. On, onward we sped, over Pind Hill, past Blackberry Hill meeting-house, down through Witchtrott, and as the varses in my old school book, says:- "Wild as the wind o'er meadows we flew!" round back of old Yorli, then, - smack! we brought up all standing, as the sailors say, right agin the east side of Agamenticus! Whew! Didn't I puff and blow some! I had scarce time to get my breath comfortably, before the old hag, who had stuck to my shoulders all this while, turned me about, and giving me three or four smart goads under my ribs, sent me agoin' the same speed back the road we came. We soon arrived at the place from which we start- ed, where my cattle stood waiting. The old hao then stripped off the bridle, and taking a handful of snuff h page: 34-35[View Page 34-35] 34 HTS AND DASHES. from her pocket-- the real yaller - she threw it. in my face, and in an instant was off, flying in the direction of her hovel, astride a birch broom! I then crawled on, sneezing, to my load, as boest I could, but so overcome by the journey I had per- formed, was unable to drive my team-; so I laid my head upon a keg on my load, and soon fell asleep. 'Twas broad daylight when I awoke, sneezing. I had taken a snuff keg for a pillow; a few grains had been forced through the cracks, on the journey, which tickled my nose and aroused me. I started the team along, but I could hardly stand or walk, - the terri- ble seige I had been through that night, had used me up; I felt like one who had been pelted, pounded and parboiled! 'Twas a good month before I got fairly over it. There, neighbors, you have the story as it is; but my wife and the unbelievers, will tell you, perhaps, that the hull upshot of the affair, is, I got fuddled, and when I went asleep on my team, dreamed all this ere; but I tell ye that my story is gospel truth." The old codger had just finished his tale, when sup- per was announced, and all the company then made one grand rush for the kitchen, where they found the tables loaded with good cheer. They had just got comfortably seated, however, when it was ascertained that Isaiah Corson and the Milton girl were among the missing. A delegation of three with a lantern were sent in search of the absen- tees. After a few moments' search, the little mhinx UNCLE EPHRAIM S HUSKING. 35, who was so loth to be kissed at the first of the evening, was found, fast asleep, behind a pile of husks, in Isaiah Corson's lap, who looked as silly as a fool when they came upon him; and didn't the girl color up as soon' as she opened her eyes? The two lovers refused at first to go in at supper, but after some coaxing, they made their appearance; and in a short time, the two tardy ones were as blithe as the rest. As to the supper; if any one went home hungry that night, it was their own fault,-for the tables seem to groan under their load. None of your city or town mushroom, mock gentility there. None of the dis- gusting, cold formalities of a sickly, sentimental, weak, wishy-washy village, meagre, mock-aristocratic soiree! I'd rather have a dry crust for my supper, and eat it alone, on a winter's night, upon Agrimenticus' shaggy top, than to attend one of these hollow, vain and pom- pous levees, where there is more sentiment than beef, and more politeness than pudding! Uncle Ephraim's tables showed a goodly array of the solids that night. A gigantic round of beef in the centre, flanked up on either side with vegetables. A bouncing junk of corned-beef at one enrid, and a big chicken-pie at the other. - An Indian pudding of am- ple dimensions stood forth between the middle and end dishes, and a giant pot of beans loomed up on the other side ; whilst pumpkin pies, apple sauce and a host of other "' fixings," filled up the spaces. Last, not least, good cider was there in abundance! page: 36-37[View Page 36-37] 386 HTS AND DASHES. "Lay hold, and help yourselves, gals; make a long arm,' said the good wife, " and let the men folks take keer of themselves If any on ye likes turnips squat and buttered, squat and butter 'em to suit your- selves." The guests seemed to do ample justice to the vi- ands; mirth and festivity reigned around the board; jokes, witticisms and flashes of fun, would occasion- ally "set the table in a roar." All appeared deter- mined to enjoy themselves at the " top of their bent." As soon as supper was over, all the girls lent al hand, and the table was cleared away in a jiffy. Blindman's buff was then introduced; the company now was uproarous! Dancing was the next consideration. Amos Bunker screwed up his viol; rosined the bow, and " did up the toe and heel inspiring notes of Fisher's Hornpipe; whilst a number of the party who were some skilled in the Terpsichorean art, put in the " double shuffle rigadoon." Presently the lookers-on caught the enthusiasm, and the whole companyi old -and young, adepts and novices, took the floor, and did their ut- most : "' Twas right and left, and down outside, six round and back to back; Itarum-scarum, helter-skelter, bump together, whack!" And thus Uncle Ephraim's husking kept up, till the old clock, which stood in one corner of the kitchen, A DENOUEMENT. 37 beat out the dozen, then broke up this jolly gathers ing;-- ," And fair lips breathed forth prayers that night, Whose hearts were with the merry throng i And dreams stole o'er the sleeping wight, Of bright eyes, red ears, dance and song! A DENOUEMENT. I^IGHT had spread its ebon wings over the quiet settlement of Newhuryport. A son of Festus, whose chief calling was that of a victualler, had washed his dishes, stew-pans, and other culinary utensils, and stowed them away for the night. Then, after a hearty swig at the cider tap, and a whiff or two at a Dutch pipe, he took up the "brisk, awak- ing," and began to pour forth his soul in its "' sweet, entrancing notes' / "Old Hundred, " Zip 6on, Arnheim, ' Downfall of Paris," and divers other familiar airs, both old and new, had he gone through with, much to his satisfaction, and was now deeply engaged with 'Near the lake where grew the willow," when a brace of precious scamps, who had no music in their souls, and who were/ moved only to mischief by the / "concord of sweet sounds,': chanced to prowl along that way. Reeking from the tavern, ' filled with i page: 38-39[View Page 38-39] 38 HTS AND DASHES. whiskey, and with gin inspired," which set mischief awork in their wicked noddles, they looked about them to see if any one was near; then seizing a mighty grindstone which chanced to set against a neighboring store, they rolled it to the edge of the upper step of the cellar where our hero was pouring forth his rich melody. Just as he was doing the finest -low notes of "Long time ago," in "' lengthened sweet- ness, long drawn out," not dreaming of any auditor, save his old Tabby, who sat by him on an old stool, purring satisfaction-lo! the gigantic stone came tumbling down, making sad havoc in its path among the c" fixins ' of the establishment, and bringing up against the board partition with such a mighty, rat- tling, crashing sound, as if it would 4 "Mock the deep-mouthed thunder!" To draw our hero's portrait, at this crisis, is beyond the power of my pen. Suffice to say, he threw his viol high against the ceiling-then, with bow in hand, stood " wonder-struck! . . . His smashed instrument is even now hanged up in a remote corner of his cellar, and many a customer is regaled with the history of its mishap --some of whom laugh, while others, more used to the melting mood, sympathize with the unfortunate owner, and swear his pitiful! Had I my way with the miscreants who did the mischief, they should share the fate of Sysiphus. For I'd chain the rascals naked to the self-same stone, and when they had dragged it to the top of the steps, it A DENOUEMENTS 39 should be rolled back-- so their daily labor should be in raising that Scotia disc from the chasm into which they had rolled it! A SECOND, BUT, NOT SO VERY SOBER A THOUGHT. CERTAIN gentleman of a certain village lost his wife by death: he mourned'much at her demise, as all good- husbands are in duty bound to. - Not having any relative near, one of his neigh- bors-a jolly good fellow--walked with the widower to the grave. After the ceremonies were gone through with, and the procession was returning homeward, the6 kind neighbor sympathized with the bereaved husband, and told him he must not give way too much to grief, for it would break him down,- and he hoped to-see him cheer up and be happy again, as tears would not regain his loss, and werer of no avail. "Alas!" sobbed out the mourner, "4 earth has no longer any happiness for poor me. What is life? -vhat is this whole world to a man who has lost such a wife?" "You have ever done your whole duty towards her," said the other,-treated her kindly and indulgently. Your wife can never come back to you, mourn you never so much; so all you have to do is to seek out page: 40-41[View Page 40-41] *40 -HTS AND DASHES. another to cheer your way along the rough paths of life. There is the kind, amiable and pretty little bux- om widow Cosey,- she would make your home hap- py,- I know you would like her, and I am quite sure she would be willing." "My dear friend," replied the wifeless man -- his eyes full of tears --" do not, I beseech you, speak of such a thing - my loss is irre- parable." The mourner 'invited all his friends who at- attended the funeral to sup with him that night, accord- ing to the usual custom of the place on such occa- sions. As the party was retiring, the widower urged his. neighbor to stay with him till bed-time, as he felt so very lonely. A bottle of choice wine was brought on, which the two friends discussed -then another was broached and finished. Finally, the neighbor arose and took his departure. He had not proceeded many yards, when the man of grief and bereavement hailed him to come back, as he had a word to say to him. Then, placing his lips to his friend's ear, he whispered -"Neighbor, I think nowt that I could bear to hear that lady's name mentioned!" THE UNSUNG IBOXOLOGY. 41 THE UNSUNG DOXO LOGY. AwN item fromn a religious paper tells us, that-the Presbyterians of a certain town not a. thousand miles from Exeter,.N. H., have voted that the Unita- rians are Christians. Good!--there's one more hitch towards the milleneum. But if the truth -was told, these people could not well do otherwise, for they had been listening to liberal doctrines a long time without knowing it. "I'll tell the tale as it was told to me," not vouching for the strict truth thereof. Several years since, the Orthodox Society in that certain town was without a pastor; a letter from one of the most influ- ential leaders, L e., the richest man of the- church, was received by a Unitaryan clergyman of a far distant town or city, inviting/him to come and settle among them, and preach the gospel unto them.- But, wrote the astonished Socinian, my creed differs essentially from that of yours. "Nil importe," returned the liberal prop of Presbyterianism, " draw it mild-keep it to yourself that you are a Unitarian-- and Ill -warrant you.' In a shbrt time the preliminaries were arranged, and the Socinian was duly ordained over the Presby. terians. He was a gentleman and a scholar, -kind and affable; his sermons were richly: laden with the unbounded love of God to man, and -, doneeup:f in that quiet and yet flowery style, as none but thhoseof4 4 page: 42-43[View Page 42-43] 42 BITS AND DASHES. his brotherhood can do. He took. His praise wernt abroad throughout the land. He was invited hither and thither to pour out his rich offerings to ihe hungry souls, who, till then, never knew that there was a lux- ury in religion. And- - Leading them prisoners in a red-rose chain," his flock were of the most libleral belief before they wrere aware of it. But, like unto the elderly rat in the fable, who /thought that the owhole heap was not meal, when gri- malkin lay in ambush within the meal-tub-- one old preacher-man residing in a neighboring town- and of the ancient school of Presbyterianism--Simon Pure-dyed in the wool-thought he would ex. change with the- new comer, and give the liberals the doctrine of divinity, as he understood it- "in good set terms." And he did it. Shades of John Calvin and Martin Luther! How the old champion scat- tered the fire-brands!-now here-- now there-- sending "One to heaven and-ten to hell!" As he grew bolder and bolder,- the audience began to show symptoms of uneasiness, - two women fainted outright--and one nervous young lady went into hys- terics; but, nothing daunted, the old apostle " put-it through.1" At times 'twas unbearable, - then would some of the men, not having the fear of such dogmas before their eyes, set to shuffling with their feet- cough and hem, -all to signify their disapproval. At THE GEM OF MOOSE' MOUNrAIN. 4 length and at last the long looked, and wished-for, and most welcome, amen was pronounced,--arind the staunch old pillar of Orthodoxy, to wind up his per- formance with a round turn, opened ( Dr. Walts, " and read one of the old Trinitarlan doxologies. The audience stood up, but all was hush and still. Not a sound friom the choir. The parson arose and remark- ed that he had read a stanza, and was awaiting its singing. Thereupon the organist -got up and ad- dressed the preacher thus:- , Parson W., let me tell you that this new organ of ours has never been tuned to those doxologies!" THE GEM OF MOOSE MOUNTAIN.' :OLLOWING along from crag t clff, in order to catch a new view of the magnificent scene spread out below me, as I trod the summit of Moose Mountain, N. H., my eye caught a glimpse of a fe- male figure, at a little distance, who seemed to be busy in gathering berries,+ in which this eminence aboundeth. As I approached nearer, I saw that she was of no ordinary mould:- "Taper as candies laid at Cuthbert's shrine, Taper as silver chalices for wine,-. Such were her arms and form!" page: 44-45[View Page 44-45] 4"4 -NHTS AND-DASS - ( Good. morrow, . damsel," I said, as I stood before her ;. with. a wining- nod,: and one of the sweetest smiles she acklnowledged the saluttation. 'Juno! what a- set of. features!- Psyche! what an, expression! Ier whole. soul -illumined. that heavenly, face, - ...Thateye, io teaS aow -darting round,- That cheek now blushing at the: woud!" r".:.What". success- in .gathering: berries- today?"I quer"ed'off the fair stranger. ! She, turned her steps towards a shady nook' and beeotnedi me" to . follow. She looked like a firy -- a mountain nymph- as indeed she wast as she tripped along- "- --- Her golden hair Floating and- dancing in the mountain- air!" Anon the breeze would disturb her 'kerchief-and such a neck ' By the pure and immaculate crescentY of Dianai ! a:. fiake of new fallen snow 'would have tart- nished it! I stood rivetted- ':" 'Wiit hfartvallapture, and with eye all light '"' as the. maiden' drew forth from the bushes/a goodly' sized n'Willow basket, and removing the nice white" towel whichl covered the' Iuscious berries, shelooked' up in my face, then with, a smile that would outvie an'W angels,' she exclaimed ' aint thete a. darned. s$l on u . , , A PORTRAT 45 A P;O0 R T:R Af I T., % MET the queen of snuff-takers in the street yes- terday, and wished very-much t-hat every begin. ner in that filthy habit could have :seen her likewise. She was the very embodiienltjthe very quintessence- of snuff! A walking snuff-bladder! ; She looked as if she had been snuffing, snuffing, and.-snuffing, till every vein in her dried!up carcass was full to p'-,e tion. Yes, every pore .in -her shrivelled-::skina ii- loaded, crammed, rammed, jammed wilh the diy powder, till it could hold no more.! TThen, at the e treme!point of her -harp pointed nose hu. g,- tr-e biigly, a- drop --not:a dew'drop, but sucha droI ! The-strength and substance of mopretn tea poudr avoirdupoais, :of Macaboy 'was eoncentrated in t 'hat dreadful drop'! The odor -thereof impregnated the air- of the whole neighborhood'xround. about her, so that two dozen men, women -and ;cilAdren felltoasnaeesi g thereat! Yea, verily, the very catsa-.nd dogs. eaught i the titillation --one old towser lost!otwo teethb ald one eye during the operation, besides ,igetting a ki nk o of: his itail; andtw-vo 'tabbies, soe eebe oflf: both the^r ears'-- -That drop! I verily believe would tineturte, the whole waters of Massachusetts Bay! {. e page: 46-47[View Page 46-47] " HTS AND DASHES. THE STAR OF WITCHTROTT. - 'Near the pond so still and lazy, v . Long time ago- On the banks where grew the daisy Whiter than snow, ' Lived a bouncing, buxom lassie, Vat vas n't so slow!" IHE sun was about putting on his night-cap, in By the shape of a purple .cloud, which hung over the purple;hills of Lebanon; Simeon- Hartford had just shut down the mill-gate,--Samuel Wentworth was shutting up shop,- Peleg:Jenkins had gone after the cows,- the weathercock on old Somersworth " meetin' 'us"- was glowing with an extra lustre,--and Tacnic OPond bwas all of a blaze! -In plain English, twas- sunset, or thereabouts, when Ezekiel Tugglesworth came home from ploughing, -put some water down tot the fire in a skillet, for shaving,-- and called his mother to get him his best shirt. , "Where upon airth be you goin' to-night, Zeke? Hope, you aint goin' down to Witchtrott, to see that flirt of a' Suke Huldrith, be ye?" exclaimed Ezek's mother. "Not exactly," said Ezek., with a knowing wink, strapping his razor on the corners of "Alonzo and Melissa," even and anon drawing the edge carefully across his thumb nail. THE STAR OF WITCHTROTT. 47 "'Tis'nt Sal Hull nor Bets Lummus, nither, is't?I' again enquired the old lady.. "P'r'aps 'tis, p'r'aps 'tisn't;" answered Ezekl who had just began to lather his countenance. "'Wal, you need'nt be so putchkity about it;" r-e- turned the old lady, - all is, you needn't go down to Witchtrott arter gals, there's enough on 'em here in Quamphegan, and a plaguey sight better ones, too-' than you'll find in Witchtrott, unless you could get Bets Lummus; but you know that Zeph Parkins, the trader, is arter her; and Abednigo Mullikiri,' the' school master, -is e'ena'most ravin' distracted for he&r; so I reckon there ben't much of a'chance: for you."1!'I "Zeph Parkins be darned -, and let Abednigo Mu!. likin go to grass; I know which side my bread is but-; tered on, I reckon." This last speech of Ezekiel's ended the conversa- tion ; -he had removed the superfluous down -frdom off his chin,-and taking his ruffle-shirt, goes into the East room, there to change his drapery,; and put on his "1 fixins." ' e Miss Betsey Lummus was as smart, tidy,- ana in fact, the handsomest girl, that sung psalms; or wore a chintz frock, in Witchtrott "'meetin' -usi'" And such a hand at maing dough-nuts:and pump- kin pies! I shall not weary your patience by, a tedious detail of her charms, - I'll leave that task for some love-sick romance scribbler; he may paint her, as saith the immortal Sterne, "as like his mistress as he can, -as unlike his wife as his conscience wili let '* * page: 48-49[View Page 48-49] 48 / .HTS. AND ASH}IES. him." She was. the belle of the village ;land as is natural to such girls, was rather coquetisb. But what- ever conquests she made, whatever hearts she broke, - her heart aw as. as true- to Ezekiel Tuggles-worth, as was Elder Boyd to the Calvanistic creed. Ezekiel had now got on his ," go-to-meetin' fixins;' 2- his kersey gey: coat, mulberry trowsers. lavender vest, fur hatt-,one of David Hammonds best, and his black-. balled- boots, made .him look' like quite a man, -- w bile a bran new-breast pin made hinm appear a little more ithan a common man, to say the least. -He 1looked beautiful!! By this time, the silver queen of night had began -to squint over the eastern side, of Ag-amenticus, lighting up the -windows of Hope Na- sots domnicil, - and Ezek.- took a peep in the lo0king. glass to see that all was right; then took up his line of.-march for Witchtrott , When he arrived at the house of his dulcinea, who should he find there, but Zeph Perkins, and Abednigo Mullikin. Betsey's mo- ther was telling her that she should-not flirt any long. er; that if she married any one, it should be the school-master; while her father swore she should have the store-keeper. ";And as to - you said the old lady, who- had just observed Ezek. sidling up to Betsey, "you may go home:as fastas you come." "Yes, and sooner the quicker," added the old .man, ':'twont be you that'll have my darter, I can tell you "^May be not," returned Ezek. ":Wal, tIgues as 3 t THE STAR OF WITCHTROTT. 49 tho w I mought as well be goin',-if that ere's the case^" continued Ezek,giving a sly wink at Betsey, and then made for the door. Betsey followed with the candle to light him out. As soon as they reached the outer threshold, Ezek. whispered something in. her ear* "All right," said Betsey, 'I'll be ready" . . . "'Twas the deep noon of night," when Ezekiel tackled the "Cobbey mare " into the " von horse shay," - told his mother he must be at Kennebunk next morn- ing at daylight, on business, and then started for his Betsey. The moon was in its} zenith, and looked ashround and bright as Temperance Wilkins's new warming- pan:! Its ray silvered the antique rooster on "'0Old- field's meetin' 'us," and caused Col. Brock's chimie top to glisten like his well burnished sword on muster day, - as Ezek. jogged on in the Witehtrott road, sing- ing to himself the following parody:-- , How happy is the folkses, Wot- live on Tacnic hill; Who raise good .apples and-good-pears, And lots of Indian meal." He soon arrived at the fork of the road, --Within-a few rods of his whereabouts, - tied the mare to the fence, near Abonijah Brite's barn, and- walked gingerly along by the river, towards the ' Lummus place." Not a sound was heard, save the low gurgling of the .river, and the faint clickings of-his brogans. He soon eameti up -to the cottage, - all was hush as death:! he goes to Betey's bed-room window,-'his pulse beat high--,he page: 50-51[View Page 50-51] 50 HTS AND DASHES. gave a. light tap- his heart. was in his mouth! ili a twinkling the sash was raised, and Betsey appeared with a bundle and a-bandbox. "Give me your hand, whispered Ezek., " now jump, that's right., In a few moments they reached their chaise, jumped in, and soon left Witchtrott many miles in the rear. ', Now jocund day Stands tiptoe on Agamenti's misty top!" Gumbo Samson, a juvenile darky, is seen running ,towards Mrs. Tugglesworth's. ,(Enter Gumbo.),- O Missy Tugglewuf! gor amighty, Missy Tugglewuf! de berry debil and Tommas Walker be to pay, down to Witchtrott. Bets Lurnmus has gone, hook and sinker, an' lef' a billet on de table, sayin' how she be gone off to get married wid you Zekel. De ole man says as how he'll hunt 'em to de eends of dis ere revolvin erf, if he ony jest find out wot eend dey went to. Zeph Par. kins swears he'll lick Zeke like blazes, when he cotch- es him ;-and den dere's 'Bednigo Mull'kin) settin on de school 'us steps cryin', lookin' like de werry immij ob despair; in de picter book; it's enuf to break the werry, heart ob a weel-barrer to see him!" Our lovers are now half way to Boston for Rhod:e Island; ', as blythe as blythe can be." As soon ,as they arrived at Providence, Ezekiel bought a license, and for a trifling remuneration, a justice of the peace put on the yoke. , THE STAR OF WITCHTROTT. 51 They immediately started for Quamphegan, and arrived in due season, safe and sound, at Ezek.'s mo- thers. Betsey was forthwith introduced as Mrs. Tug- gleswerth, by Ezekiel. "Lor me! ' exclaimed his mother, throwing ,lown her knitting; "Wal, I never! who'd have thought it;? you'll b)e hung in Tacnic hay-scales, that's sartain, you Zeke!" Ezek. now sent a letter to Betsey's father, telling him Ithat he had saved him the trouble of getting a husband for his daughter. The old man foamed and swore, and sent back to Ezek, that if he didn't'want al "tarnel thrashing," never to set his 'foot in Witchtrott again. Ezekiel now began to build an addition to the old homestead; and matters and things went on- " smooth as ile," as he expressed it. Betsey's father waspsatis- fied after a while that his daughter hadn't made out so badly; and some of the neighbors convinced him that she had done better than by having either of her other suitors; accordingly his wrath was somewhat'ap- peased,--but he never got fairly recimeoM- the elopement. Zeph Perkins solaced himself as well as he could, by drinking cider-brandy and- smoking lohg- nines. As to the poor school-master, he was inconso- lable; he mourned and would not be comforted. 'Betsey's mother took pity, and did- all she could to6 comfort him. She could not give the substance of his wishes, but she gave him the :shadow, in the shape of a profile of her daughter, which an itinerant artist cut a few years previous. page: 52-53[View Page 52-53] 52 HTS AND DASHES. IOne Sunday last summer, I saw -Abednigo .stand- ing on the steps of Witchtrott meeting-house, Just be-, fore the :services had commenced. I asked him ifihe had got married yet. He gave a deep sigh, - and tak- ing a sheep-skin pocket book, sadly worn, from his blfeast pocket, opened it, and showed me Betsey's pro- file. I saw that his heart was broken, for he wiped a tear from-his eye, with the sleeve of his thread-bare coat, as he gazed on ,the " counterfeit presentment" of Betsey's features, and exclaimed - -She's the star rmiss'd from Witchtrott, -Long time ago! ' 'SCRAPS FROM MY SKETCH BOOK. i OM FREELY was a jolly, fat fellow; his heart ua was big as that of an-ox, as Sol Swap would say; --and such a hand at makinga boot! Thie yonng bloods of Lingville would suffer no :one else to formn the cases for their understandings. He was a capital: sportsman, too; no other man in that neighborhood could bring home more game at one time, either fish or fowl, than Tom. And more than that, he was-one of God's-noblest works-- an -honest man! But, alas! Tom is now no more. He has waxed his last thread, - he has finished his last boot, he-has caught his last fish;, 'hehas winged his last "bird, and his honest soul has SCRAPS PROM MY- SKETCH BOOK. 63 winged its flight to the arms:of St. Crispin. One day after hissternt ias: finished-- for mind-you, he would never leave his business undone for pleasure - Tom, with a party of his "ancient, trusty cronies;" embarked on board Sam Foley's wherry, for a fishing excursion down Lingville river.' tiaving fished totheir hearts'. content, they put ashore on Heel-tap island, at the mouth of Clam Bay, to cook their piscatory spoils. Heel-tap island is a small round piece of loam, about three fathoms from the main land of Coonic, where it is connected by a rustic bridge. Tradition says this island was formed by a heel-tap, which chanced to fall from the shoe of some patriarch of yore; the pegs which remained in it served for an anchor; it stuck fast in the bottom of the river,--the eel-grass and wepds fastened to it- the soil washed from the shores during the: freshets accumulated upon it, so in process -of time itibecame an island; it is about fifty yards in diarme- ter. Tom- and his brother souters always chose this spot for their: fishing frolies, on account' -ofits naie chiming with' their professions, and for its being near their fishing grounds. A chowder was now soon served up, and as quickly despatched, by Tom and his hungry companions. The "striped" was now handed round, and "All the lads looked gay and bright, Andi and i E nd geniiis flashed abbut! But, while all this was going on, their boat was :go, ingo6ff; for she, like her mrister, possessed rather a rovting dispositiol, and being :ratl/eir impatientwitiaI page: 54-55[View Page 54-55] 154 HTS; AND: DASHES. in waiting for her freight, she had, by some means or other, slipped from her moorings, and was going down with the tide; and by the time " the hour approached when they maun go," their bonnie boat was full fifty fathoms from the shore. What was to be done? They didn't like the idea of losing the boat, nor of be- ing laughed at for walking. home. "I'll swim for't," exclaimed Tom, who ere this, had stood still, with his finger on his lip- "And like a ndutral to his will and matter, said nothing." And, " continued he - tI've read in ancient story book, that for to kiss his dear, Leander swain the Hellespont, and I will swim this 'ere." "E Ill bet a quart of lwhite-face' I'll get her,'" "And I'll bet two quarts you won't," said one of the company.,- "Done," exclaimed- Tom, who immedi- ately, commenced operations, by bracing up his spirits a leetle'" higher, with a drop or two more of the streaked, then doffed his robes. and breasted the green waves for the boat. After buffetting the stream, till he got within a few yards of the fugitive wherry, nature began to be exhausted,--he could swim no further; he turned his face towards the shore, and shouted- I've lost my bet!" 'then sank forever His bench now stands unoccupied, in one corner of his shop,-- the spiders have spun their webs round about it; --there has no one yet been found that can fill his place. The birds now sing, the trout and pickerel tag: their tails and leap of joy, as if they would say WHTEWASHNG EXTRAORDINARY. ;55 --," let us now rejoice, for our destroyer is con- quered!"The beaux of the village sigh as they look at their now bungled " trotter coverings," and exclaim with Hal,-"We could have better spared a better man." WHTEWASHNG EXTRAORDINARY. WT6NCLE JEM'S grocery at Newhuryport was a queer looking medley, a conglomeration of things in general, a confused confusion of particular goods, with those of no particular use, profil nor ac- count. A smoke-house graced one end of his store, Where hams and herring were wont to be cured, which 'tinctured the wares with a'smack of creosote, besides tinging the walls and' ceiling with an unctious and very delicious brown. Heaven's first law was out of the question entirely in that unique receptacle of mul- titudinous multiplicity of notions; for, mixed and commingled with a delectable mixture, his ample counters showed forth heaps strangely -heaped- in strangest and wildest juxtaposition of heterogenidus ,bunches, piles and bundles--wet, moist, hard, soft ;and dry goods-gingerbread, gimlets, jewsharps; ' jack-knives, gloves and gridirons -jumbled, higglety, -pigglety, in maddest mazes! loreovecr, the wails ,were in most excellent keeping with'the rest of 'the page: 56-57[View Page 56-57] 56i 'HTS AND DASHES* store; hanging pendant therefrom, or laid: upon shelves. of every shape, size and condition, were warm- ing-pans, brooms, bacon, shovels and steel-traps, sad- irons and stew-pans, in sweetest confusion; in a word, chaotic chaos reigned there supreme, and medley of medleys was fully realized. One bright morning in June, Uncle Jem took a quirk in his noddle, and 66 calkylated " 'twould pay to whitewash the interior of his store--five and twenty years, at least: having gone by since the rejuvenating brush, dipped in the calciferous mixture, had been ap- 9 plied thereunto. Two men of lime were sent for; they were soon on the spot, armed -and equipped, rea- dy and; willing to beautify the ancient walls at the gro. cer-man's bidding. "You may whitewash every. thing,'" said Uncle Jem, carelessly; s" and," continued he 0' there's a mug, and there are the sperit casks, - so you may work away and help yourselves.' The di- rection to the locality of the: standing casks might have been spared- the men had- been there before-but the ad libertim use of the: contents thereof was well received by them, for two drier chaps never worked in lime., As soon: as these two artists of the broad brush had tested pretty freely the divers taps, they took each a bounacing swig of old Jamaica, and went to their work - first, taking down jugs, pots,t pans and panikins-- then whitewashing among the mazy intricacies of ooSks, nailst buckets, chests, braces and hanging shelves., They soon found this rather slow and, che. WHTEWASHNG EXTRAORDINARY. 7 quered work, besides inconvenient in stepping among the wares taken from the walls, which encumbered the floor. So, after a few more liberal draughts upon th old Jamaica, these worthies of the lime-tub concluded to put the job through, obeying orders, literally, by whitewashing everything. At' it they went, doing over pots, mugs, scythes, brushes, buckets, clothes- lines, stew-pans, legs of ham, strings of herring, onions and Bologna sausages, ox-chains, augurg, and so forth. Then came the case of drawers, -the counter, next, with the load of uncypherable. things came in for its share of the renovating fluid; the bins, the shot-bags, the nail-casks, the barrels, the :standing-casks :and' ihe molasses hogshead, all, all came forth from the laviish brushes of these artists in lime, "fresh as bridc- : grooms," -even the venerable tabby, that lay dozing in a basket offilberts on the window-seat, got a big lick upon her brindled back; and I verily believe, -had Uncle Jem crossed the path of these liberal'whiteners, especially after they had imbibed " thirteenthly,' he would have: got his share of the diluted staple of Thornaston. But when the grocer-man did makel its appearance, he was amazed beyond measure, he wot not of his whereabouts, he thought that he had stepped into a lime-kiln, 'or had been transported, unawares, to the chalky cliffs of Dover-wall, all, was so ve y -whie '! ot page: 58-59[View Page 58-59] 5t8 HTS AND DASHES0. A S I G HT. HE cotton mills at Dover, N. H., are some six or seven stories in height, in the rear. Directly opposite stands the old Ela tavern. These mills, viewed from that house, loom up mightily, and make a very imposing show, especially at evening, when they are lighted - then they look quite formidable. Two youths from the interior- their first appear- ance in any town or village -" put up " at this old tavern one night, it being the place where all the yeo- manry did congregate. The youngest went up stairs to go to bed, leaving his companion in the bar-room to finish up a horse-trade and the end of a "long nine." The tired youngster had partly disrobed him- self, when glancing out of the window, the legion of illumined panes met his astonished eyes, "In one tide of light- one unclouded blaze!" With one boot in his hand, the other upon his foot, leaving the remainder of his wardroke, with the excep- tion of his shirt and trowsers, behind, he made a rush for the bar-room, descending three steps at a time, then, with phrenzied phiz, his eyes dilated to the size of two full grown rutabagas, he thus made utter- ance: - "Jock! come up! will you come up stairs for mighty-gracious sake? Of all creation's works, this ere's the darned-all-firedest! Tophet is moved, and sot up in Dover Landing!" A SATURDAY EVENING SKETCH. 59 A SATURDAY EVENING SKETCH. P ITE PICKERTNG'S big, brawney hands had just clutched the bell-rope at Dr. Spring's church, to give notice to thie puritans of good old Newhury- port that all worldly affairs must be closed up for the week. Jernmy Ball had hauled up his wherry, and his wife had just put on a pot of'clams, wherewith to regale her lord and master. Parson Milton had writ- ten out " thirteenthly " and " lastly" to his to-morrow's sermon, and Deacon Solomon had finished reckoning the week's profits- and losses. Harry Harmless, with a quart-ju, of " white-eye," was describing a Virginia fence on hi s way home through Star Alley. Captain Moody Davis had shut up shop. The she-publican of Guinea, after taking her gin-toddy, had given the key of the bar in charge of the " minstrel," and enveloped, snugly iwithin the warm folds of her virtuous blankets, resigned her dark drowsy head to. the arms of Mor- pheus. The dipped candle had burnt low in its sock- et at Jern Douglass's shanty, and--in short, 'twas eight o'clock oa Saturday night. The weather was stormy. Hovering round a scant fire, was a bankrupt mer- chant's wife, alnd her three little ones; tho husband and father was thvn lying in jail for a debt which he- Nyas totally unable to pay,-- "Deserted at his utmost need, By those his former bounty fed.'" page: 60-61[View Page 60-61] 60 1ITS, AND DASHES. Too proudto beg, the excellent woman had struggled alone to gain a scanty pittance for herself and chil- dren ; 'twas too much for her alone. She had pawned her silver spoons, one after another; her jewelry had gone long since - the brass fire-set, so very fashionable in those days, soon followed, with many other things, but the money was soon expended, and " short com- mons " was again their lot. ' My dear children," said the good mother, '( I do not know what I shall do to get bread for you to-mor- Tow. I really did expect, surely, that Mrs.. M. would have sent to pay for the sewring which I did for her; O, if she did but know how much I depended upon her, she would have sent it, I am sure. I dare not ask the grocer nor the baker for any more credit, and I 'know not what more I can pawn. I do hope," con- tinued the afflicted woman, as she wiped away a tear from each eye -one of honest pride, the other of sor- row-"I do hope we shall get along without beg. gIing." The storm whistled, and the sleet rattled against the windows. '( Let us kneel together, my darlings," she resumed, ' and pray to our Father which is in heaven; for he tells us to call upon him in time of trouble." The saintly mother then kneeled, and her little jewels, fold. ing their tiny hands, knelt round about her. O, thou kind Being! By whom even the sparrow's fall is noticed. Thou who didst feed thy children in -the wilderness,--see'st thou that mother, fwith her A "SELL." 61 group of little cherubs around her;' hearest thou her supplication, accompanied with the sweet responses of those lisping babes, invoking Thee not to forsake them; in their adversity? Thou hast said, - I will not see the righteous forsa. lien, nor their seed begging bread. Her prayer is heard! The point of the minute hand-upon the Old South dial had scarce traversed a quadrantle, when a neigh- bor entered. It was a good old nurse; she stated to the distressed mother that she had baked a batch of bread that day, -but being called away that night to attend the sick, on a week's absence or longer, she had no occasion for it, and, if she would accept, was welcome to it. He that heareth the young ravens cry, will not suf- fer such an invocation to go unheeded. A "SELL."' N malting repairs upon the dam at Salmon Falls,. N. H., a few weeks since, one of the workmen found an aquatic root of peculiar color, spotted; he gave it to Sam. Ricker, of Quamphegan, to do as he liked with it. Sam is a cosy and ingenious wag of quiet demean; so immediately on the receipt of this curious relic, he sat himself down upon the nave of page: 62-63[View Page 62-63] 62 , . HTS AND DASHES. one of his wagon-.xheels -Sam is a wheelwright -lit his pipe, and cogitated thus : "There has been nothing turned up here of late wherewith to arouse the natives; true, the village ar- Ahitect has bought a snuff-box, Parker Abbott a new pipe, the post-master has had -a new chimney to his domicil, Walter Bell has just finished the laying of ten new shingles on Jenkins's barn - he worlks by the day,-a foot in height has been added to the new lam, and a new windo whas been cut im Dea. Foote's nill,-but something of more " pith and moment is leeded to stir the sluggish blood of the Quamphegan- ars, so I'll e'en try my hand at getting up a new won- terment." No sooner thought than done. Sam, with the aid of lis jack-knife, carved the head of a snake upon the arge end of the root; a half score of shoe-pegs from Donty Tuttle's kit did the teeth, tawo China beads from he toy-shop represented the optics, and a bit of red aize formed the tongue. The snake was finished,- lothing of the serpent kind ever looked more formida- )le,- "Not those that in Illyria changed Hermione and Cadmus, or the god- In Epidaurus: nor to which transformn'd Ammonian Jove, or Capitoline, was seen." The "critter" was transported to Sam's brother's ntore, and placed in " awful state" upon a round ta- ble in the centre of the back shop; the shutters were ;losed, save one small aperture, and " a dim religious 'A (".SELL et ' 63 light 9" pervaded the apartment, A notice was forth- with written out in a round, bold hand, and placedjin a conspicuous place, running somewhat thus:- A NATURAL CURIOSITY! ' A young spectimen of the Ichthyosaurus, or Water Liz- ard!!! Found in the Salinon Falls river, by Charles Tuttle, Esq. This is the only one of this class of rep- tiles, supposed to have long ceased to exist, that has been seen for the last century!!' This very peculiar species of the aquatic snake is a very young member of the Ichthyosaurian family, being only about four feet in length; it has the snout of a porpoise, the teeth of a crocodile, the head of a lizard, the verter- bra of an eel, the tongue of an ornithorhynchus; uni- ting within itself a combination of parts of the three animal kingdoms. The eye, "rolling in liquid cir- cles," is somewhat large, being a third of an inch in diameter, and "Robed in flames of liquid light!" The animal is covered with a smooth skin, which in different lights, looks "Starred, striped and spotted, yellow, green and blue!" This fish-like serpent was originally an inhabitant of the ocean; it fed upon its own species; hence, very like, the reason of its expulsion. Milton makes men- tion of this monster - "- With head uplift above the waves, ,and eyes That sparkling, blazed!"I This curiosity may be seen at No. 1, brick block, rear page: 64-65[View Page 64-65] HTS AND DASHES. room, Quamphegan square, for this day only, pre. vFiLns to its departure south and west. Admittance, 6 1-4 cents -women and children, half-price. It took; the village was'all agog. The villagers thronged in by dozens. The circuit judge was there, the preacher-men were present, the school-master was on hand, the village doctors were not behind the call, "the oldest inhabitant " hobbled in, the learnedpun- dits all came to see the show; the bump of wonder stuck out "a feet" on the cranium of atranscenden- talist, as he beheld the sight; the elite and the plebi- ans of the village rushed with one accord, and min- gled with the motley and wondering crowd around the curious " varmint." A deputation from Tacnic came to see the " snaik,"-and ere night-fall people rushed in from -Witchtrott, Sligo, Agamenticus, Tear- shirt, End Bonnybig yea, verily, even Barrington plains sent down a delegation of three. A rail was put up a few feet from the table, encir- cling it, on which reclined this "Monster of the bubbling deep." Sam's brother stood within the railing, and thus ha- ranged the crowdd:-Gentlemen and- I was about to say ladies- this nondescript, this aquatic lizard, this remnant of other days, was taken alive at Salmon Falls River this very morning at sun-rise, but he has about given up the ghost, as you see he scarcely moves." Here one of the audience gave the " pesky sarpent" a poke with a stick, which made the elastic, A ;- SELL." 65 pulpous, counterfeit " snaik? tremble, and seem to writhe, and the over-curious auditor "t Back to the crowd did slink." u This reptile, gentlemen," continued the speaker, ' being a native of old Neptune's domains- "1 Now sporting on the yesty crestedwave, Anon, wooing the slimy bottom of the deep!" is a great wonder in these parts; he nmust have come hither by the Piscataqua ard Quamphegan rivers, and finally taken up his abode and settled down among the winding mazes of the romantic Salmonl Falls, along the wild, sedgy banks by Cutts's neck - "Where the raven flappes his wynge, In the briard dell belowe; Where the dethe owle loude dothe synge To the nighte-mares as heie goe; Axle underre ye willowe tree!" "Cre-a-tion! what a month!" ejaculated Zeruba- bel Mullikin, from Witchtrott. "Ah-r-r-r, that's a comploot snake, a com-ploot snake!" outspoke the village architect, as he took a bouncing big pinch of Maccaboy from his new box. "By zucks!" ex- claimed a baptist deacon, '" we won't have any more baptisms in thatriver!" "-Will he bite, Thommuth?" lisped out a village miss, who had just entered the room with a young sprig from the academy. "I should be rather fearful of the reptile," replied the gallant, '" he looks decidedly wicked, and "See the sparkles that flash from his eyes!" page: 66-67[View Page 66-67] '66 HrITS AND DASHES. "By , he's one on 'em!" roared out a gondo- la captain. '"I s-w-e-o-u-w!" drawled out Peleg Jenkins, in a semi-tone. ("Very probable this reptile is an infant of the mighty leviathan of the vasty deep, that the scriptures tell us of," suggested one of the parsons. ' I'll probe this matter," whispered a young "' saw bones" of the village; and suiting the action to the word, he dodged under the railing, and inserting the'point of his pen-knife into the " pesky varmint?' immediately withdrew it and placed it to his nose, re- marking at the time that it cut and smelt very like a vegetable. The audience began to smell a joke; the 4 snaik " was snaked out, the plot was uncovered; the game was up; and "Such a shout was there!" it made the windows rattle, nearly unhung the pon- derous shutters, and actually shook the plastering so that it cracked from wainscot to ceiling! As soon as the tumult had a little subsided, Sam start- ed for Tom's, and quickly returned, loaded with a big demijohn; the proprietor of the store where the exhibi- tion took place, furnished the " principes " and "Ha- vanas;" the fastidious ones vanished, and . the rest had a " time i' on the proceeds of the "show." Punch was concocted and swallowed, cigars were used up with gusto, jokes were cracked, and finally, this gathering wound up with a song sung by "Don- ty," entitled "The GREAT Sea Snake!" A GENTLE HNT. 67 A GENTLE HNT. HE following incident of a voyage down east, several years since, I have told so often in self- defence, anticipating my friend relating it in his own way, although the joke was sadly at my expense, I have got quite used and reconciled to,- so here it goes in print:- My friend Jemes and myself were journeying east- ward one winter. After buffeting a north-east storm all day, night found us cold, wet, weary and hungry. We began to look about for a tavern ; but as we rode on, and rode on, no signs of one appeared. Despe- rate, we called at the first house, and were told we had passed a tavern a mile back, and that there were none other for six long miles. We told them our situation, and that we really believed the horse would give out if we drove him a mile farther that night. The old farmer told us we might stop with him, if we wished, and he would do the best he could for us. We soon saw our horse well bestowed- the very first thing al- ways-and then were ushered into the domicil, where we found a rousing fire of maple logs to glad- den our hearts withal. Whilst we were warming and drying ourselves, the daughter of our host, a buxom lass, spread the table with good cheer ; a bouncing pitcher of cider page: 68-69[View Page 68-69] 68. B"ITS AND DASHES. in the centre, flanked upon either side by cold beef, hot tea, toast and dough-nuts, fat, ruddy and plump as Bardolph's nose, with O Other country messes, Which the neat-handed Phillis dresses." We were soon seated round the bountiful board, do- ing ample justice to the viands, with appetites sharp- ened to such an edge as nothing short of a down-cast winter air could fix. The damsel waited upon the table; my friend and myself were both taken up with her, as well we might be, for she not only looked in- teresting, but supplied our wants with such a pretty and willing hand, that I involuntarily exclaimed - "Yes, let Hebe, ever young, High in heaven her nectar hold, And to Joye's immortal throng Pour the tide in cups of gold - Th not envy heaven's princes, While, with snowy hands, for me, Kate the china tea-cup rinses, And pours biit her best Bohea!" After tea, among other topics, that of watches was brought up ; my friend prided himself not a little upon his knowledge of chronometers; the old man's watch was "out o' kilter," he said, and wished Jemes to look into it. Proud of an opportunity to display his knowledge of mechanism, Jemes took the antique ho- rologe to a table and opened it. The whole family, with the exception of the girl who waited upon us at supper, gathered around him, to see him illustrate, and hear him expatiate upon the wonders of the time- ' A GENTLE HNT. 69 keeper. Preferring the warm fire side to the back part of the room, and the charms of a damsel to the wheels and fixings of an old-fashioned '4 bulls-eye,? I kept company with the maiden. We soon " grew quiet gracious, With favors secret, sweet and precious." The old lady, as she would occasionally glance at us from over the top of her specs, looked somewhat dis- comforted, and my friend would, ever and anon, leave his subject and give a most envious look at me. I was in full feather--it would have taken something of a bonus to induce me to exchange places with Jemes. "Come and see the turnip," said Jemes to me, coaxingly, ;; it's a curious one'" "Here's metal more attractive-," replied I, in the language of the prince of Denmark. ': Lor sake, Katy!" out spoke the old lady, "I should ra'lly think you'd rather see the inards of a watch, -I know you never seed one opened in all your born days." The damsel heeded the invitation not. "Nods and becks and wreathed smiles " were plentifully exchanged betwixt us, most of which the vigilant eye of the mother saw; and Jemes would now and then cast an envious glance at me, which I would repay by placing the end of my thumb on the tip of my nose, and extending the remaining digits to- wards him, all of which he understood too well to be mistaken to mean, "You can't shine here, young man,) page: 70-71[View Page 70-71] 70 HTS AND DASHES. The plot thickened. The old lady began to look worried. Fnally she could't stand it no longer; she rushed into the "Cfore-.room,' and soon returned with a huge slice of rich cake upon a " chaney" plate, which she handed to me, remarking at the same time, 9' Tiffs 'ere is some of my darter Kate's - this 'ere gal's--wedding cake; she is to be married next week. I kind ou thought you'd like to taste on't, cause she made it herself-; and we think, it's as good as the boughten. Her fellow has gone to the village; he'li be back to-night. You'd like to see him, I guess, for he's a right good young man!" Jemes shouted, kicked over his chair, broke the crystal of themu bull's eye,': and asked after the health of Imy grandmother. The old man stared, the hired men giggled, the old lady sat down and took a pinch of yaller snuff, the children laughed, and the damsel wept. As to myself, a smooth six-cent piece would have bought me then--hats, boots and all! CETTING IT THCK. 7 CUTTING IT THCK. "TANY years since, there did dwell in a certain town, not a hundred miles from that far-famed place where orthodox divines are fitting up:for their profession and calling, a certain D. D., notorious for his parsimoniousness, which would occasionally run into the wildest extremes:- "Like a peach that's got the yallers, With it's meanness bustin' out!" One day this doctor of divinity chanced into a hat store in this city, and after rummaging over the wares, selected an or linary looking hat, put it on his reverend head, ogled himself in the glass, then asked the very lowest price for it, telling the vender that if he could get it cheap enough he thought he might buy it. ' But," said the hatter,!" that hat is not good enough for you to wear-here is what youl want," showing one of hisbest beavers. "'Tis the best I can afford, tho'," returned the theo- logian. "Well, there, doctor - I'll make you a present of that best beaver, if you'll wear it and tell your friends whose store it came from - I'll warrant you'll send me customers enough to get my money back with initer- est, --ou are pretty extensively acquainted." 'l Thank you- thank you!" said the doctor--his eyes gleaming with pleasure at raising a castor so page: 72-73[View Page 72-73] 72 HTS AND DASHES, cheaply-" how much may this beaver be worth? ' "We sell that kind of hat for eight dollars," re. plied the man of nap. "' And the other?" continued the reverend gentle- :man. "Three." The man of sermons put on the beaver, looked in the glass, then at the three dollar hat. 'c "I think, sir," said he, taking off the beaver, and holding it in one hand as he donned the cheap " tile;" "I think, sir, that this hat will answer my purpose full as well as the best." "' But you'd better take the best one, sir, it costs yOa no more." "But--but," replied the parson, hesitatingly, , I didn't know - but - per-haps - you would as lief' I would take the cheap one --and leave the other - and perhaps you would not mind giving me the difference in a five dollar billt " C CUTTING IT F'r. 73 CUTTING IT FAT-OR THE PARSON AND THE CHEESES. UR reverend hero of the hat story was riding home from a visit to Newhuryport, one after- noon, -and being on the road where a friend of his,- Mr. T., lived, a staunch old farmer, famous for his fat cheeses and good living, he gave him a call. In a short time, tea was ready, and the doctor was of course cordially invited to sit down at their bounti- ful board. "I declare," ejaculated the divine, "I must say that this cheese is the nicest I ever ate; why, it Will nearly melt in one's mouth!]" "Sartain," returned the dairyman, " you must know, doctor, that my wife lets no one go ahead of her on cheese; she always gets the first premium at the cattle show; I stamp my initials on all we make, and they bring a cent or two a pound more than any others in the market."- "' Excuse me for helping myself to it so bounti- fully," said the reverend guest, "it is so very nice; besides, it is quite a luxury to me - such extra eheeser -we don't have such at' home; in fact, to tell you. plainly, we have n't had any of anty kind lately2" This brought out the good dairywoman. "Husband;" said she, " had n't we better give the doctor one of our cheeses?" 6 page: 74-75[View Page 74-75] 74 HTS AND DASHES. "' Sartain," replied the farmer, " give him a good one - the best you've got in the house." As soon as thie doctor was ready to start, the gener- ous woman selected a nice fat cheese from her store- room--fit for a king's-table-rolled it up nicely in a spick-span clean napkin, and handed it to their hired man to put it in the parson's sleigh. I'll take care of it, myself," said our doctor of theology, taking the rich disc from the man,--and, after thanking the good people kindly for their nice present, he bade them good night, and started with his prize for his horse and sleigh, which awas standing by the front gate. After stowing away his cheese, he unhitched the animal, and jumped into the sleigh; but he had scarcely got seated, and the reins adjusted, when the horse, feeling impatient to be off, gave a sudden side. jerk, towards the road, capsizing the sleigh, spilling out the parson, and after him three cheeses, which he had got at different places that day, besides the one just given him, whhich verged off in different direc. lions like rays of rich orange light, leaving the doctor in the centre of the halo for a nucleus! All this came off before a good audience- the scene was not lost. A picket guard of children stood at lhe gate - the farmer and his wife were posted at the front door, and the man-servant and the maid-ser- vant stood at the win dow, As soon as the doctor's rich cargo was revealed -to ithe astonished eyes .6f our good dairyman, he sprung PARSON MLTON. 7, forward and seized, with his huge paw,; the cheese marked "S. T.,' clapped it under his arm-then turning to the parson with a satirical smile, said-- ;c Doctor, when you are out of c-h-e-e-s-e, just come this way and you shall have this!" The parson wasg never known to call for it, we- believe. PARSON- MLTON:. HO that knows anything about- Newhuryport, surely knows there was once a good, honest, but rather a rough old parson, Milton. Many are the anecdotes extant of this eccentric main; He was a queer looking personage, withal, resembling very much, Crehore's- jack of clubs. And such a voice! Like the thunder of some mighty organ, 'twould ma'ke the very clapboards rattle on his old church! One Monday morning, as the good old man was lugging home a huge codfish, he was accosted by one of his deacons, with--"Mr. Milton, did you know that fish was caught on the Sabbath?" "' What of it," returned the parson," the fish isi't any the. worse tor't." This same deacon was. a dealer in wood, and,it had. been whispered- more than once about his short mea-^ page: 76-77[View Page 76-77] HMTS AND DASHES. sures. On the following Sunday, Parson M., after reading his text from Proverbs, about short weights and measures roared out at the top of his lungs, al- most cracking the old sounding board, "any man that will sell six. feet of wood for a cord, will have to ' take it' in the next world, if not in this,f- don't care if he does sit in the deacon's seats- that won't save him, by a long chalk!" About the time that temperance and anti-slavery began to bud forth, a committee from his society waited upon, and desired him to espouse those causes. "Shan't do't!" said the parson of the old school; "when you hired me, it was to preach the gospel- now it's rum and niggers! ' The good man bought a load of potatoes of a couns tryman one day. On their way to the house with the load, they passed Prospect street church. "Isn't that old Milton's church?" asked the farmer. "Yes,' snapped out the minister. "Wal, I should like to see the old codger, I have hearn tell on him so much." "You'd like to see him, eh? wal, I'll show him to ye directly," returned the parson, jogging on. They soon arrived at the house, and between them both, quickly had the potatoes stowed away in the cel- lar. The old man brought out the decanter- 'twas the custom in those days - both took a pull at it, - then, after paying the farmer, the reverend gentleman plant- PARSON- MLTON, " ed himself in front of him, and screamed out, u Ye said ye'd like to see old Milton, didn't ye." ' I did," replied the man of potatoes. 'u Wal then," roared forth the man of God, at the "top of his bent," look at me--I'm old Milton!" , A party of the good citizens of that town took it in- to their heads to make a trip to the Isle of Shoals; among the rest was our good parson. - A feaw hours out,'a terrible squall arose, -the boat could but just live under it, - every cheek was paled, - the minis- ter was as -frightened as the rest. ' Mr. Milton," said one of the company, "we marvel much that you should be alarmed- in danger,-a saint like you, in case you are drowned, would of course go to heaven." "All right," replied the eccentric man of God, " but I don't wish to go there by water!" A huge pile of " notes "-not promissory, but mostly invocative, were laid upon the pulpit desk, one Sunday morning-an extra lot; Parson Milton overhauled them, threw them down, and told the con- gregation that there lay a- lot of requests-some desir- ing prayers for one thing, some for another; and many wishing to return thanks for various things ;-- "'Twill take a long while to read them," said this funny preacher-mlan, " so my hearers, we'll lump 'em, and pray for 'em in a bunch!" " At another time this eccentric old- parson found a page: 78-79[View Page 78-79] 78 HTS, AND DASI-ES, "'note" for him to read, which ran somewhat thus -all but the names ; A- "Abinadab Humm and wife desires the prayers of this congregation for their son Sam, who is given over to hardness of heart and blindness of mind." The odd divine, as soon as he had finished the reading of this strange request, ex- clainmed in :one of his big Paixhan gun tones- " it's of no use to pray for him!" - then rent the " note " il twain, and flung the pieces on the floor. A queer -lot of requests, generally,. were sent to this erratic reverend; one of the very richest ran thus, barring the names:--"Zachariah Plumper and wife, desire to return thanks for. being blessed-with the natural consequences of matrimony!" This compound of oddities -this queer old parson, went down river one day on a chowder-party, with a half score or so of his fellow saints. In due time the savory dish, smoking hot, was set before these living pillars of presbytery, who, with appetites sharperned to a double edge by fasting and the sea air, were both ready and willing to go into the mess with more than religious zeal and good will- the parson, especially, was anxious for the .onslaught. He, with watering mouth, stood up and invoked a brief blessing thus:--" O Lord, bless the repast set before us. for Christ's sake, amen--Deacon Dole, hand ine that spoon!" -- PARSON MLTON. 9' Parson Milton -was never lukewarm. .He always: went into his sermons with a rush, with a zest,.a zeal, a gusto, and sometimes with a '" whirlwind of passion," a perfeet hurricane of action accompanieid' by a thunder-storm of words. One day this queer apostle was engagad in doing up his doctrines ("brown,7" hitting occasionally the socinians, armiri- ans, antinomians and Hoplintonians big "' licks,' and showing the opponents in general to the presbytery no quarter whatsoever,--when in one of his immense flourishes, he hit the big bible a thumnp,--and over went the huge volume from the desk, slap-bang! downl upon the bald and rerverend head of one of the deacons! The excited parson 4'pulled up" short, in his harangue--peeped over the cushion down among the living pillars of the church, and seeing the elder rubbing his pate, screamed forth in one of his unearthly yells--"Did it hurt ye, deacon?" Like many church-goers in those days, his congre- gation were impatient to rush out before the benedic- tion. And, in cold weather, (for they had no fires in their churches in those days- the minister per- forming the services in great coat and mittens,) most of his flock had their pew-doors open, and one foot out, ready for a start, ere the good man had even be- gun the ': grace." One bitter cold Sunday, this old parson hida page: 80-81[View Page 80-81] SO tHTS AND DASHES. scarcely got the " amen " out, before every pew-door w8as swung open, and its occupant ready for a rush - when our divine roared out in one of his peculiar yells, --' TYe need'nt hurry--your puddin's won't get cold!" The effect of this rebuke lasted but a short time. His people soon got into their old habits; they must have another dose, thought the old parson-and they got it. Accordingly, one Sunday, as usual- before the minister had even got to the " grace" -the pew doors flew open, and the whole congregation seemed "Like greyhouhds in the slips, Straining-upon the start!" when this excentric preacher bellowed forth, at Ihe "top of his compass,"--"If you'll stop 1'll ask the blessing- If ye don't I won't!" i One Saturday, a young milk-and-water looking sprig of divinity, fresh from the Andover minister mill, called upon our parson, and offered to preach for him. Mr. Milton told him he did'nt think his voice loud enough to fill so large -a house; but the young man was rather confident it was. Finally, Milton agreed to let him try it, with the proviso that he himself should be seated in the pulpit, and if he thought the youngster's voice pitched too low, he would remind hifm of it, by pulling at his coat-tail. The next morning the young sprig mounted the' sa- cred rostrum- while the head of the establishment sat PARSON MLTON. 81 in the rear - who suffered the debztant to go through the prayer unmolested. But when the, young man commenced upon the hymn-the legitimate proprie- tor of the desk gave the coat-tail of 'the young divine a slight twitch, which caused its owner to raise his voice a little higher. The second stanza was hardly begun, when another twitch caused the reader to raise his voice another note; - another and another twitch-a louder and a louder strain, was the consequences One more long, hard pull at the coat tail, - but there is a point,- Nature had done her utmost - still ( ex- celsior " was the cry, which ran from the coat-tail to the brain of the poor martyr-who now put his whole strength into his lungs, and brought forth one long, almighty squeal! When this eccentric preacher first came to New- buryport from London, he then, as ever afterwards, wore his hair very long. Some of the curious old dames. of his church wondered at his taste; whilst others, more malicious, hinted that his ears might have been cropped. The, story, like all slanders, soon spread like wildfire. Curiosity was " up and dressed,. -and one antique vestal declared she would be satis- fied. Accordingly, one afternoon, she invited the parson to tea. Both before and after the repast, the venerable virgin was on the qui vive- trying to get a peep under the parson's locks, to see if the append- ages to his hearing portals were not clipped' of their fair proportions-but to no purpose. Just as the page: 82-83[View Page 82-83] 82 HTS AND DASHES. preacher-man -was about to depart-the, matron be- coming desperate at her ill-success - as she handed him his hat, remarked, "La, Mr. Milton, what beau- tiful hair you have!"-at the same time pushing away the locks that clustered around his ears; upon which the eccentric divine, comprehending at once the woman's meaning, snapped out in one of his inim- itable yells-- ' D'ye see 'em!" On being called upon to do a prayer at a Fourth of July dinner, he arose and invoked the throne of Grace thus: --"O Lord, deliver us from .sham patriots-- for Christ's sake, amen!" 4 . EPISTLE FROM NEWBURYORT. 83' EPISTLE FROM NEWBURYORT TO THE BOSTON POST. A IKE as an egg is full of meat, so is this antique town replete with traditions of eccentric men who, whilom, did flourish here. But their day and generation have passed and gone. Things have taken i a revolution. The oneness which of yore did mark the people, is vanished. Cotton mills have usurped the places once dedicated to the West-India trade, and the agent, overseers and spinners walk in the foot- steps of the former merchant, clerk and mechanic ;- "Old times are changed-old manners gone!" 'TIS now like finding manna in the wilderness to light upon an old codoer who will tell of the things that were. Here stands the- theatre of the first display of Awitch- craft in Massachusetts,-the " olde Morss house,"-- where, as Cotton Mather has it put down in his "magnolia "--" Brickes, stickes, and stones, were thrown against ye house violentlye bye an unseene hand 9 nd in goode man Morss's own words, vide the court records of those days :--" aThe two pottes which didd hange in ye chimly didd knock together very violentlye for severalle minutes. M]oreoveru ye andiron didd leap into ye big potte and dance, and there abide. I putt mny awle in a cupboard and fast- ened ye dore- anon it came down ye chimly, I know not how. fWe heard a noise at midnight,--arose, and page: 84-85[View Page 84-85] '84 itrS AND DASHES. found a grate hogge in ye house, ye doore beinge locked-very willinge to go out!" Besides many more freaks which I have not space here to put down. The house is a curiosity of itself, with its half a score of L's and additions, - looking like a game of domi- noes." Of course, you and the whole world have heard of Lord Timothy Dexter, who so pompously flourished here some thirty or forty years ago. But whilst all his little foolish eccentricities has been published to the world, I am sorry to say that his many virtues have been hid under a bushel. He was a benefactor to the people--not party. He took things in a cosmopoli. tan light--not one-sided. He did not give a large sum to a sectarian minister/ manufactory; if he had, his , name, like . some others, would have pealed forth throughout the land. But he gave his little here-his little there. He gave, as a saint, a pretty little purse towards building St. Paul's church there, which, in olden time, would have canonized him. He gave, as a Christian and a MAN, a goodly sum to be put in the care of the town, the interest of which, annually, to be invested in provisionr for the poor, who kept themselves out of the almshouse. In short, he did many noble things, which he should be credited for, and which are now lost sight of through his peculiarities. -Every one who has read his'will, says there never was a more judicious one made. -Ie was no fool, either, as many an anecdote of him will show. Speaking of a man whom he had befriended Y EPISTLE FROM NEWBURYORT. 85 many times, and got repaid with ingratitude, he said, jD---n him, he reminds me of a hog under a tree, eating acorns, never once thinking of looking up to see where they come from '!" I will e'en give you a story or two about Jemmy , Ball, of the piscatory profession, in bye-gone days, - and that will wind up this epistle. A queerer chick than Jemmy never was hatched. Rough as a shag- bark outside, he was all right within, and withal, a perfect philosopher. But his spouse, who gave him a deal of trouble, was quite the reverse, coarse as a gra- ter, both outside and in. "I want tow-cloth enough to make a pair of-- for Bets," exclaimed Jemmy one morning to a shop-keeper, '" she has been dunning me for't for a long time, and swears if I don't get it to. day, she'll take my wherry sail for 'em!" ' Jemmy came home unexpectedly one afternoon, and found his spouse in the lap of a gentleman of col- or. Instead of flying in a passion, as most husbands would, and raise a miniature tophet about the house, -he folded his arms, looked at the delinquent wife "more in sorrow than in anger," and exclaimed, "I don't care a cent about it, Bets,-but it don't look well!" His idea about the note was not any farther out of the way than many of our banks get sometimes, "You may put these fish to the .old account, Mr. Ball," said a customer to'him after selecting a nice lot of tom-cod. "Put 'em to the account!" replied our hero of the hook and line, with surprise; " what ac- page: 86-87[View Page 86-87] ^ -RITS- AND DASHES. count? I don't -oe you anything; didn't I give you my note t'other day?"- -Twas this same Jenlmy who said one time that the clams were scarce, as they had struck off in deep water! By my troth, this is a pleasant town, beautifully sit- uated on the Merrimac, near the sea, every variety of prospect abounding it. A nice, quiet place to spend a few days, -- especially now, "4When summer smiles on sweet Pow hill' And corn is greenat Salisbury!', EPISTLE FROM NEWBURYORT TO THE BOSTON. POST. 3l1ENGTHENING rny visit here, you shall have :e^ another epistle from these parts.' Took a sail down to Black Rocks one hot evening last week; found things all right at this fashionable watering place. There was the Hon. Japhet Dingleton, from New Algiers. 5Moreover, the two accomplished Misses Dingleton were there, and shone forth like unto two new tin pans! The elder was dressed in a light chintz frock, high in the neck, with circular pock- ets in. front, bound round with red tape,-into which she would ever and anon thrust her pretty fingers with the air of a princess. fIer flaxen hair tied up in a. single- tress with an eel-skin, gave a tout ensemble to EPISTLE FROM NEWBURYORT. 87 her classic head. Her substantial pedals were encased in right good oip, and she wore the hoses which Mrs, Nature gave her. The younger sported a spclk span new gingham, purchased at Ezra Merrill's-a keetle low in the neck; a string of glass beads fell over her swelling bust, like unto green pease upon a white plat- ter! There was not a little ogling between, the younger, who appeared a trifle coquettish, and a dap- per little skipper from the port of Bellahache. The mayor of Dogtown is expected here to-morrow; the " keg " has been sent up to "Mark's ' to be re. plenikhed, in anticipation of his coming. A grand ball will come off on that occasion; Israel Turner will be there with his fiddle, and a delegation from the Isle of Shoals is expected. Speaking of the Isle of Shoals reminds me of one of the natives, who was caught there, long ago before the place was civilized, Itwas said by a dough-nut tied to a boat-hook, -- but I rather doubt it; nevertheless, caught he was, no matter how, and brought to New- buryport, where he expressed the wildest astonishment at all the strange sights. But his wonderment knew no bounds when he saw a horse and chaise go past. He ran into the house of his master,--his eyes expand. ed to the size of a pair of the largest Oldtown onions, -and sereamed to his highest note, -- Mr. Knapp! O, Mr. Knapp! the cow is running off with the wind- mill!" This was in olden time - the people are, of course, more enlightened now. Albeit, there may be found page: 88-89[View Page 88-89] 88 , HTS AND DASHES, some few " cases " round about these parts in this ein- lightened age. ' Beautiful weather, sir," said a min- ister to an old codger, not far from New Algiers, awhile since. "Yees, yees," replied the fisherman, Vesich weather as we reads on." "I don't recollect the passage, my dear sir," returned the parson. "Wal,. by thunder! that 'ere's a good un," retorted the. man of ichthyology, ' don't you ever read your alma. nac? Here's a good 'un about phrenology, which came off here once upon a time. An itinerant in this sci. ence gave a public lecture, interspersed with a few public examinations. A celebrated tonsor of this town came forward and placed himself under the hands of the man of skulls, who, after feeling and rub- bing the cranium, gave our artist, attributes diametri- cally opposite-from those he possess-ed; whereupon the man of lather thus spoke out: "I tell you what, my dear sir, it's nmy opinion that you might as well under. take to tell who lives in a house by examining the shin- gles upon its roof as tell about a man's brains by feeling the bumps on his head!" s WIN TASTING 89 WINE TA'ST ING. (:EVEREAL years since, at a certain village in New ' Hampshire, a disappointed theological students a -trifle weak in the "upper works" who had tried his hand. at divers callings-such as school-keeping, soliciting subscribers to religious publications, lecture ing upon phrenology, temperance, &c.,. -.finally took it into':his precious noddle to open a store. - He was of the temperance school--- as well he might-be, for a thimblefp ll of ithe '.-ardent " would upset his shallow cocoarnut; 5moreover,] he was -parsimonious, even -to meanness. The :tore was opened in due season; his goods all wellar ranged;' muslins, molasses, peppermints, pork, calico; codofish, sewing-silk, salt, singing-books, sweet oil, bibles, brown sugar, ginger, gimblets, psalm-books, salt-petre, testaments, towcloth, almonds, -angurS, &c. &c., were put in their several places, ready for the campaign; and our trader stood ready withehis spic. span new white neck-cloth, and his hair combed smooth, to -wait upon his customers. "You haven't any wine ;" said a wag to ourtyh man, aafter taking a survey of -the. premises -.' yb'll have to ekp that article for a medicine, or ;lose the very best' custom in the village." . Our trader" thought, probably,- that if hee lid aamong the Turks it were well to do as the Turkeys .did; or 7 page: 90-91[View Page 90-91] 'b90 HTS AND DASHESo may be the increase of dimes from the wicked traffic served to turn his weak head - stronger ones than his have been sadly warped by the latter cause --at all events, he consented, and sent off forthwith for a quar- ter-cask of old Madeira - for a' " medicine," and noth- ing else. The delectable liquor arrived; it was soon rolled in, put upon skids, and tapped; the latter operation had scarcely been got through with when our wag, who had been on the look-out, again entered the store. "Got yourlmedicine, I see," he observed, " but are you sure it is good?' "I bought it for the best," replied the shopman, " just you taste it; I durst not, you know; besides, I'm no judge of the article." "Neither am I," returned the wag; " but there are three gentlemen in the village with whom I chance to be acquainted, who are most excellent judges of wine, and if they pronounce it good, you'll be sure it is all right." "Please do me the favor to invite them in," said the vender of varieties. The waggish gentleman was off in a twinkling, and soon returned with three of the finest specimens of bon-vivants, as could be found in a sabbath-day's journey. These gentlemen had re- ceived a sly notice of this affair that morning, and had dined upon salt fish; so they were ready to do ample justice to, most anything in the shape of liquids - good wine in particular. ,Our shop-keeper took down a wine-glass from :his glass-wares, and was about to fill it with the " glory WINE TASTING. 91 of Madeira," when one of the trio remarked that it was not easy to judge from'a small quantity, and that it required a larger body of the " juice" to test its qualities correctly. Accordingly a half pint tumbler was brought, which one of the -' tasters" seized and filled to the brim with the rich liquid-- , 'The blood of Madeira's vine!" then holding it up to the light, and eyeing it with the air of an old connoisseur, he placed it to his lips, and to the amazement of our temperance and parsimonious trader, swallowed every drop of it, instanter,--then filled the glass again and handed it to one of his com- panions, who followed suit, and gave it to the third, who did likewise. "Well, gents, and what do you'think of it?" quer led our vender, as soon as he had recovered from his amazement. 1"I'll tell ybu, as soon as I get my mouth in taste;" replied the first man, '" you must know that I dined upon fish to-day, and it -takes something to quench my thirst--so here goes another ; " and away went the second brimmer of the " medicine" to keep company with the first. The others followed the ex- ample of their leader, smacked their lips, said it;,wa not bad to take,- then did up a third round with as great gusto and ,despatch as the first, and told the as- tonished trader that his wine had quenched their thirst somewhat-that they could perceive no bad taste to it, and if he would take a jug, of it into the counting- room, accolnpanied with some crackers and cheese and a dozen good Spanish cigars, they would then . page: 92-93[View Page 92-93] :92 HTS AND DASHES. {and there deliberate upon it, and give their judgment accordingly in good seas6n-! Our unsophisticated shop-manl was thunder-struck! But he found he wras "in for it," and could not well back out, so he did as desired-- and such a time as they had on't! Suffice it to say, that after nearly two gallons of his (" medicine " had been punished, our tra- der at last got rid of his " tasters ' at midnight, by giving each a bottle of the precious juice and a bunch K of cigars. Before leaving, however, they gave in their *verdict, that the article they had been drinking was Brine, :good old Madeira wine, nothing else, and, in itheir opinion, was- notibad to take! GRAND "HOP"AT THE OCEAN HOUSE, BLACK-ROCKS. "Sound the loud timbrel o'er Salisbury's blue waters, A ball at Black-Rocks! - bring on the fair daughters!" HttHE long talked of "hop" at this fashionable re- sort came off with great eclat one evening last week 'Twas emphatically the ball of the season. 'There was nothing untouched or slightly handled. Manifold were the preparations on this auspicious oc- casion. First and foremost, the 1" keg" was sent up to "Mafrk's " to be filled. Evergreen was brought up , GaIND "HOP^. 93 in. abundance to trim the spacious hall. Ezra Merrill's store at the point was ransacked to grace the fair forms of Salisbury's daughters; and Mr. Johnson's assortment ,of jewelry, at Newhuryport, contributed no little to the show. Israel Turner, the Dogtown Paganini, wata ready and willing with his inimitable violin, -and the Guinea minstrel was not behind hand. Even the she": publican of Guinea, Dolly Small, assisted there; and, antique as she was, answered-every lady's beck and call. In short, things " went merry as the mar- riage bells." The bugle now sounded-- "On with the dance!" First on the floor came the admiral of Jappa, with his spouse I though somewhat in the neighborhood of for- ty, she looked sprightly and rather juvenile withal,- to tell the truth, however, she was somewhat indebted to the Newhuryport tonsor, and dressmaker, for her young appearance. This couple was followed up by their three daughters, the oldest being the belle of Jopo pa; all, nevertheless, looking fair as the graces. The trio were dressed in pink gingham. We noticed, also, the accomplished Miss N--y-z, of the former place,' attended by a young ropemaker ; we envied him bisn happiness. En passant, the jewelry worn by eth'i young lady was valued at nearly one dollar and a half- or twelve shillings York currency! "Rich and rare were the gems she wore!, " Yes, -they were! -But, decidedly, the bdle of the evening, was the beautiful, the bewitching, the lovely, the brilliant Miss F- r of S--ab--k. , She was ade page: 94-95[View Page 94-95] "I " m HTS AND DASES.. companied by her parents. Her mother, a daughter of Pomona, long known at the Ferry Store, Newhury- port; as an extensive dealer in whortleberries, took her station at the belle's side, and went through all the fig- ures of the mazy dance, like one long practised in the Terpsichorean art. Though the mnother, she presented somewhat a youthful appearance--a fullround figure, and, if her face was tinted by "The shadowed livery of the burning sun!" still 'twas fair to look upon --open and ruddy. But the daughter! How shall we describe that form? , She seemed not of this earth, but - "Like some bright spirit from above, Come down to cheer man's weary way awhile," Lightly were her limbs fashioned. Her bright flaxen hair-done up on clothes-pins over-night--hung in profuse ringlets over her neck, which, barring a very little tan, was faultless. And, although upon her oheek- "Triumphed the russet brown," still 'twas beautiful. She was dressed in a light mMs- lin-de-laine, with manifold flounces, and trimmed around the neck, carried in long points down front and back, nearly to the waist, with either a dark yel- low or orange cord--'twas impossible to tell which, as the two colors resemble each other so nearly, by candle-light. A silver ring upon her fore-finger was the only jetwelry she wore. And even that brilliant seenmed useless, when she could boast of such a pair GRAND- tHOP.- 9[ of dazzling eyes - round, black and shining, astwo large Seabrook whortleberries, wet with morning dew! Her father, a retired clam-merchant, and a jolly old codger, would sit and watch the sylph-like motions of his darling, as she floated along the lighted hall, -ever and anon winking his larboard weather- beaten eye -and occasionally exclaim, " she'lldo d! ' Next comes the fascinating Miss E. A. Q. R-e-z-e of N--w A-g-s. She looked lovlier than ever. The belle of the evening will have to look sharp at her laurels-for this lass of A--g--s has shaken thenm some. Moreover, I noticed'a few jealous glances ex- changed between these two stars.-* "When Greek meets Greek," &c. N' importe, nothing very-serious, will grow out of it, I think. This beauty was habited in a very fine Lowell print--cut low in the neck, and- "In longitude tho' sorely scanty!" it gave her a decided coquettish and flaunty air - not a little heightened by the brilliant flashes of a mischiev- ous pair of dark hazel eyes - "Those orbs in- liquid circles rolling!" played the very deuce with the yeomanry present. A string of white glass beads encircled each of her beau- tiful xrists, in lieu of bracelets; and the belt of her frock - studded all over with white spangles - as it reflected the light of the four and-twenty dipped can- dles, looked like the girth of Saturn: "Where'er she moved, those beads and spangles bright Shed on the scene it's bright and silvery light!" page: 96-97[View Page 96-97] 96 HTS AND DASH ES. Come we now to the two Misses F.--ddes, of N-a. The elder rejoiced in the possession of a magnificent Dover calico,light pink, sprigged with pea green, and mounted with thirteen deep flounces ; while the elder graced a fine looking Manchester chintz,' of a light orange, trimmed very tastily with sky blue gimp. They made rather a rich appearance on the floor, and were very good dancers. By the way, I must not for- get the navy agent's wife at Bellehache-that fair and wholesome looking lady; she was dressed in ex- cellent taste, and more costly, as she could well afford ", than any of the assembly, A superb Portsmouth lawn over a lighlt blue corded robe, made her look neat as a new dory; in fine, her tout ensemble from the pink turban to the nice-white cotton stock- ings, kept up with green lastings, gave her an appear. ance of coming right out of the upper draw! She wore upon the second finger of her right hand a mas- sive shell ring. Many more of the fair ones present were deserving of notice, but I'll e'en defer them to the next ball, where I shall hope to see them shine forth like Naiads upon Joppa Flats! EPISTLE FROM BYIELD. 97 AN EPISTLE FROM BYFIELD TO, THE BOSTON POST. gIX miles from Newhuryport lieth this parish - famous for raising porkers, plump and fat. Many years since, a certain parson who raised a goodly num- ber of these unclean beasts, was putting the old Pres- byterian doctrine down hard, to his congregation, one Sunday, when he and his hearers were disturbed by the appearance of the minister's servant, a colored boy, who ran in hot haste up the pulpit stairs, and whispered to the divine, who immediately cut short his discourse and hastened homewards. Nearly the whole congregation followed him-thinking, of course, that some dire event had happened; but what was their surprise, when they found the cause of the dar- key's errand--for, lo, and behold! the female swine had just ushered into this world of trouble a half-score of little piggies, that were busily engaged in exploring the " mnilky way!"- Many is the good frolic that I have enjoyed in this settlement when an urchin; and many is the old land- mark that minds me of times gone by: "t There's the mill that ground our ye!low grain; Ponrd and river still serenely flowing; Cot, there nestling in the shaded lane;-- There's the gate on which I used to swing, With Mary Jane!" Just on the north-west borders of this parish, lieth the famous place for whortleberries, known by the eu- page: 98-99[View Page 98-99] 98 HTS .AND DASHES o phonious cognomen of Dogtown. The march of in- teinal improvement' has now nearly obliterated the strong peculiarities, of the natives. Few of the old settlers remain-and they, with their manners and pustoms are fast fading away. I well remember, as many a Newhuryvport boy can, the only two vehicles that once hailed from Dogtown - old Damle P.'s square-topped chaise, yclept by the i urchins, the 1" mail, --and another carriage of the same fashion, owned in joint stock by a company of whortleberry -and herb merchants. Early in the spring, these caravans would make their weekly visits to the port of Newhury - loaded down with all sorts of roots and herbs in all their varieties - literally covering the vehicles- with hugh bunches of sweet-flag hanging pendant on the wooden axles. These, with the whor- tleberries in their season, was their staple. The na- tives were clannish, and went in for universal good amongst themselves. Even bribery could not reach them. They raised a very peculiar cucumber, not to be found elsewhere; it was early, very rich flavored, and ofa singular, smooth exterior. Determined to keep the plant to themselves, as it brought them an excellent income, they resoved, each and every one, never to part with a single seed, upon any considera- tion. A certain grocer of Newhuryport once deter- mined that he would procure some of these seeds. Accordingly he commenced making a friend of old dame R., who occasionally came to his store to trade, by treating her to sundry potations of cordial, a plug EPISTLE FROM BYFIELD. 99 of tobacco, snuff, &c. One day, after the good dame had swallowed two gratuitous bumpers of peppermint cordial for a pain in her stomach, our grocer broached the subject: he-told the good dame he knew it was against their rules to part with any of their cucumber seeds -- but as he had a friend bound to New Orleans, who wished for some of them to take with him, he thought in that case that she could have no objection, as it could not interfere with their market. The dame promised the grocer the seeds, and got a quarter pound of snuff on the spot, with the promise of a bot- , tle of cordial upon the delivery of the articles. Next week, true to her word, the dame came with the seeds -delivered them to the grocer--and took her quid pro quo. The next season the grocer planted his rare seeds with a deal of care. Cucumber time came, but he had not even a vine. He dug up his seeds, but there they lay in the same state as when he planted them; they had not even began to germinate. When dame R. next called upon the disappointed grocer, he told her that her seeds would not grow. "How d'ye know that?" replied she, "I thought you was going to send 'em off to Orleens." "Yes, but I kept a few to try, and see how they were going to work," replied the grocer man. "Didn't ye 'spose I knowed all that," returned the dame, as she took a bouncing pinch of yellow snuff; t' you 'port merchants ain't nigh so sharp as you think you be. I know'd What you was up to, so I thought I'd fix ye. I biled them 'ere seeds!" page: 100-101[View Page 100-101] 100 HTS AND DASHES. EPISTLE FROM SOUTH BERWICK, TO THE BOSTON POSP. KpHS is one of the old settlements of York county, Me., very pleasantly situated on the Quamphe- gan river; hill and dale, meadows, fields, streamlets and waterfalls abounding in it. I have passed many a pleasant hour, in days gone by, strolling along'the picturesque bantles of the river, watching "The waters as they run Thro' woods and meads, in shade and sun." About a mile from the " landing " is a natural curi- osity called the " great works." It is a large chasm, some two or three hundred feet across the top, forty or fifty across the bottom, and about a hundred deep. The sides are made up of rocks and soil, trees and thick underwood lining it. A waterfall of fifty or six- ty feet comes tumbling down a precipice of rocks at one end of this chasm to a very deep basin below. A nice cool place, as one might well imagine, to sit upon the rocks at the edge of this basin, and watch the wa- ters as-they rush, foam and sparkle down the preci- pice. There are some relics of antiquity about here. A few miles down the river, on its banks, may be seen a * score of old graves, with very rude, narrow head- stones, the initials only of their tenants rudely chiselled thereon. Who or -what they twere I cannot find out EPISTLE FROM SOUTH BERWICK. 101 / , to-a certainty. But they sleep in a quiet spot. The gently rolling waves of Quamphegan kissing the mossy banks of their still resting place. Here- -' Echo in her airy round, O'er the river, rock and hill, Cannot catch a single sound, Save the clack of yonder mill.' The first settlers here were troubled some by the Indians. A blacksmith killed one with his hammer, so it is said ; but I will give the story in Mr. Styles's own words. This old worthy flourished about forty years ago, and many a time has he related the affair to men who are living here now, and to whom I am indebted for the anecdote. He had a peculiar deliv- ery caused by an excess of yellow snuff, which gave a piquancy to his narrative. - The parson and Mr. Styles met at a wedding one evening, and- the divine asked- our hero if his sire didn!t sclay an Indian once. ' Yes, he did do that 'ere thig. You see the old mad was at work at his advil, ad jes! as he ad put th' irod od it, ad took up his hab- ber to poud, he heard a snap, ad lookig up, seed ad idjin's head Fop up behide a log, jest cockig his gud; quicker 'an lightnig th' old mad flug his halber, and struck th' idjun od his head, killig him quick in a bobet!" "'rThen he slew the son of the forest, did he, Mr. Styles?"queried the divine, "Yes, yes, he killed hib deader thad thudderation " This Mr. Styles was in the habit of imbibing some, * e - 4, page: 102-103[View Page 102-103] :102 HTS AND DASHES. and occasionally would come home with a brick " in his hat. His wife, who was never of the sweetest tem- per, would flare up on such occasions awfully. "Go out of the house," said the termigant to her lord and master one day, as he reeled in, as well as he could from the effects of divers potations of New England. "Shadt do addy sich thig, Mrs. Styles,"'replied our hero. "If you don't," roared forth the shrew, c' I'll knock you through the side of the house, carrying away the posts, braces, clapboards, and all!" "Ah, Mrs. Styles," returned the delinquent hus- band," there's a law agid that, you'll fide, deped up. od it. Yes, there's a law agid a wife's knockig her husbad thro' the side of the house, carryig away posts, braces, clapboards, and all, deped on't!!" This village is getting modernized, nmore and more every year. It is fast losing its old landmarkS. Some old citizen will die, then his estate will undergo a change. I remember some sixteen or eighteen years since, an old lady owned a delapidated house right in the midst of the factory company's land, where they intended to build a large block of boarding houses. They thought she asked too much for it. She thought otherwise. The agent told some one, in a jocose way, that he thought the company had better give the s old lady as much gin as she wanted - she being very fond of the liquor.- and that might hurry her out ,of the way, so they could get her land at a reasonable t EPISTLE FROM MDDLETON. 103 price. It soon got to her ears, and she immediately sent word to the agent that she- wished they would try it! AN EPISTLE FROM MDDLETON, N. H., TO THE BOSTON POST. "' Red light shone on the hill-tops, - Red light danced in the trees." & OBIN- RED-BREAST and BRo)b 0Lincoln poured forth their morning hymn in rich liquid notes--whilst a full choir of the different feathered songsters joined in full chorus- John Crow did the sub-bass. The golden sun now rolled up from behind Agamenticus in all its splendor--rich, round and yel- low as one of Mrs. Colbath's premium cheeses! The dew-drops sparkled in the golden light! Myself made one of a party on a Moose Mountain expedition. After riding a few miles over a rough- and-tumble road, embellished with sundry and divers gridiron bridges, we came to the-base of the mountain where we hitched our horses and struck-out on foot. Verily, 'twas the roughest path I ever trod. From the base to the summit of this vast pile of earth and granite, is a-good long mile. After ascending about fifty rods, we halted for the ladies to rest- while the page: 104-105[View Page 104-105] 104 ITS AND DASHES. guide and myself went to the " gulley" to procure water. What a chasm! T'here is nothing among the White Mountains that will surpass this gulph in wild- ness. Gigantic rocks piled forth in dire confusion-- recesses for wild cats and bears - overhanging cliffs -broken trees, over which we had to cross from point to point of the rugged granite. After crossing, walking and leaping awhile along our craggy, zig-zag path, we soon came to the deepest and remotest re- cess of this chasm, where, sheltered by a huge rock, from the crevices of this awful mountain, "Waters, pure as diamond drops, In a stone-basin fell!" What a cooling and refreshing place after a long -trramp, on a hot summer's -day! After a short tarry 7at:this' wild place, we soon joined our friends, with a :share of the cooling drink we had brought from the den, then resumed our march for the summit. I never worked harder --'twas almost impossible to -scale those nearly perpendicular ledges. We had to take off our shoes -to do anything at it. I broke both my suspenders, scratched the skin from my hands, and tore-my trow sers! -One of the ladies lost her bustle in the perilous ascent - the strings of her companion's linsey-woolsey gave way, and that garment went roll- ,ing down the steep precipice!" 'Even the guide's "knit "gallusses" "' gin out!" "Sich a gittin' up stairs you never did see!" Finally, after a heap of " double toil and trouble" we EPISTLE FROM MDDLETON. 105 reached the awful summit of Moose Mountain. Ax magnificent panorama was spread out before us. Lake Winnipisseogee on the right, with its manifold islands, " laughed upon the sky!" A little to the left of that, lay in all its loveliness, the clear, calm waters of Merry-meeting Pond - ' Slumbering o'er Binds of pearly whiteness!" From that wild summit the host of granite hills of New Hampshire stood in array before us. 'Twas a splendid sight! A peculiar sensation is apt to seize me as I stand upon one of these mountains-- with lungs inflated with pure oxygen, I look down upon the pigmy forms beneath my feet, and am ready to exclaim with the militia officer upon Mount Washing- ton, "'Tention, the universe , It is a rocky country-albeit, there be some good farms round about this region; and they would be much better if the young people would stay at- home and help to take care of them. It is almost im- possible to get a girl to do house-work here--they had much rather go into a pestilent cotton mill, or make ahirts in a village or city for six-pence a piece. At the tavern in Farmington, the town adjoining this, a young man tends the table and does the chamber- work, -aud I hear he has had a good offer to serve in the capacity of " wet nurse " O, ye wayward daughters of the Granite State! go back to your native hills --.cheer up your lone fathers 8 - , page: 106-107[View Page 106-107] ae HTS- AdN DASHES. and mothers,: and regard your health--enliven: the rotgch country .by your sweet presence, and. "Make her barren rocks ,and her bleak, Mountains, smile!" EPISTLE- FROM, NEWBURYORT TO THE- BOSTON POST, INEXHAUSTIBLE was the widow's pot of: oil, mentioned in the holy writ, and likewise inex- haustible seemeth the anecdotes of eccentric charac- ter stored up in this old settlement. Among all: these,characters, none have figured so conspicuously, and no one. has had so little justice dge himuas Timothy: Dexter. In a letter to the Post. last summer, I gave a, sketch, of a few of his benevo- lent deeds, which:t had heretofore been hid under a; bushel; and Hhave raked up a few; more, which shall be rescued from oblivion. Timothy Dexter was anything: but a fool. E very- thing he took hold of worked well; not by luck, as some folks have said, but by most excellent judgment. BHo bought up the state notes off Massachlusetts, when theyiwere at the lowest ebb, and gave as his reasons for doing so, that if the state ever came up and flour. EPISTLE FROM NEWBURPORT. 107 ished, she of course would redeem- her paper; if, on the contrary, she went down, why, he and the people and his property would all go to the devil together.! Of course, the old Bay State came right side up, and Dexter reaped a golden harvest, Dexter once had a challenge sent him to fight a du- el; with the judgment of a philosopher, he enquired if his antagonist was worth as much property as himself, as it would not be a fair thing for him to fight at noth- ing - to " pit" a fortune against a beggar! If the old settlement had been blessed with -a few more as generous and public spirited men as Dexter, it might have- been something, and kept its head above water. He did not send his money to Italy for statu- ary chiselled by a foreign artist, but he employed'a young townsman, just beginning life, to carve images of our best public men from nativef wood, to adorn his republican mansion. Furthermore, he- offered to build a splendid hall and give it to this town, provided they would christen it :' Dexter Hall." But the stiff. necked and straight-waistcoated old puritans, in the/ plenitude of their grace and profound wisdomn, spurn- ed his generous offer with a holy horror, because it came from Dexter, the eccentric Timothy, Who-.did not -wear leather breeches and belong to a Presbylerian church. O, those self-righteous old fools! They had heads--and so had Dexter's imnages. O, Timothy! thy weaknesses have been I laoned forth to the world, whilst thy good and benevolent ac- tions have been written in the sands, and thy manifold page: 108-109[View Page 108-109] 108 HTS AND DASHES. charities nearly forgotten. But, while I live, 'll take every opportunity to do thee justice, and strive to "Weed the nettles from thy grave!" Billy Watkins was a queer genius. He flourished about the same time as Dexter. Hle lived in Dead- mnan's Lane, as he facetiously termed the quiet street at the lower end of the fown where he was domiciled. Billy offered to give a vane to be put upon the spire of Mr. Giles's church, provided they would let him get one up to suit his own fancy. His design was, to have the figure of a saint in the centre, for the spindle to run through; perched upon the tip of the small end of the vane was to be an angel, facing the saint with outstretched arms, ready to receive and succour the saint, ere the devil, which was to occupy the other ex- tremity of the vane, could beat up to windward! Billy's journal of the weather was a rich document. Among the many queer entries in which it aboundeth, was his notice of twenty-eight consecutive days of north-east wind--at the foot of the page, he had written in a bold round hand--ONE ETERNAL NORTH- EASTER! I have picked up another anecdote about Charley G:, the mad wag who swapped the water for liquor at Peter Morse's--which story you will recollect I did up for the Post last winter. Charley took a field to plant at halves. At harvest time, the owner came for his share of the produce, but the wicked wag told him uery coolly that he was sorry there was none for hime, EPISTLE FROM N4WBURYORT. 109 as the land did not yield but half a crop, and of course the cultivator was entitled to the first chance I EPISTLE FROM NEWBURYORT TO THE BOSTON POST. HOW you managed to get through the hot weath- er of this week in Boston, I know not, - but we have had a seige of it here, I assure you. Old Sol reigned supreme; like unto one of Williston's double- gilt buttons, he shone forth in all his brightness! The skv resembled one immense sheet of English yellow metal! Even the moon looked as if she had been on a spree--her face bearing the similitude to the back of a pinchbeck watch - or like the renowned phiz of Sir John Falstaff after he had swallowed his sixteenth glass of sack! W-h-e-w! those were melting times. The ladies threw off their straight-bodied dresses - and en dishabelle was the order of the day. Fish, oysters and clams did not improve by age -and fresh water eels from up country were at discount. Old cheese was lively, and strong butter was dull. Dolly Small took in her sign of l" baked beans and sassingers," and replaced'it wtth " spruce and ginger beer." "Roast pork-fat!" ceased to be called -for at the resto- page: 110-111[View Page 110-111] ^10 mHTS -AND DASHES. rants- and sandwiches were in 'good demand. The very grease 'was dried up from the axles of the car. r ages, and the dry wheels, like unto the old ghosts ,we lead of, did "Squeak and gibber in the dusty streets!" Mint-juleps were at premium --and sherry cob. bl Ts were .swallowed by teetotallers and anti-teetotal- lers-yea, verily, even the very temperance men-did call for punch! As for myself, I took up my line of march for the environs, among "The lone ppaths neath' cooling shadows;" and from thence to Pl-um Island- "Where old ocean, wildly dashing, "Pours his broad flood upon the shore!" where, finally, I :made myself tolerably comfortable o ver one of ny .friend Thornmpson's " juleis., But thanlks for this rainly day, which has cooled off this mrighbt heat, so that I can once more sit down comfortable and "talie my pen in hand to let you know," &c. To-morrow I take a trip over to New Algiers. You will recollect I sent you an anecdote, last summer, with a description of their vernacular.. "Queer place that. The natives are all engaged in the fishil g-trade, and do busin ess upon the commulity system. As soon as the fishing season is over, and their piscatory spoils disposed of :for cash -these men form a circle, EPISTLE YFROM iNEWBURYORT, i and their chiefleader stands-in the'middle ihereof' itih the "smiling'chinking heap," which 'he deals otti:lh this wise:--the dollars are dealed as many timensiffss they will go round,--then the halves -the' qdirtdfs next, followed up by the small change and coppers,-- the odd pieces left, are put into the public treasury for improving the settlement. A public well Was built last year with the overplus; and this year, if they have good luck, a curb, sweep, bucket and trough will be added thereunto. The good wives of these honest fishermen help their lords and masters by picking berries, which the place aboundeth in, and bringing them to this town to"H. Every fall, immediately after the fishing season, a se- ries of dancing levees come off at the different houses there. It 'is amusing to be present 'iat a store here when these ladies come to make their fall purchases. One lady, last fail, came into a certain store-to pur- chase her varieties, cornr'encing with an enquiry bor some " ninepenny-caIico fdr-ten--e-n-t-ss!" and ' how ve many-yards-w i l-it-take-to-make-a-switch -tai. geuawn!" ' "7 What's that?" queried the vender. "Why," resumed the damsel " a geuawn with f-l-a-.i-w-n-c-e-s! 5 And Mr. Daven p-o-r-;t, con- Uinued the fair purchaser, I, -wants-to-buy-some-bu- ;gle m-u-t." "Bcrgamob, Miss Souter," replied the tirader. "Yes-yes-that's-it," chimed in the Tair Anlge- rine -"Bugle-m-o-t-e - you know -the-s t u ff-toW nmake-the-hair-smelldlike'a-jilly-f-l-e-a-uw-we-'r! "And-Mister-Davien-p-o-r-t," added the pride o-f page: 112-113[View Page 112-113] "-2 HTS AND DASHES. Algiers -'. Hwants-some-of-that-ere-s-h i.f-ting--sich- as-Phebe-Deauw-had - not-sich-as-you-sold-me-last. fial-ld,-for-that-'ere-was so-slimsy it stack-to-my-back. like-a-bean-l-e-a-f!" THE CONFESSION. rdjjL CLOUD seemed to pass suddenly over the fea- tures'of Maria. Thelustre forsook her dark eyes. Her spirit seemed troubled. "Triumphs the lily now, on that young cheek Where bloomed the rose." Ten times that evening did Edward importune her to acquaint him with the cause of her sadness, but not a word escaped her fair lips. Sadly and silently she sat; --: "And now and then a sigh she stole, And tears began to flow." "Breathes there a wretch " so base as to injure you -my dearest-by word. or action? Tell me-,and by thine heart, as pure as heaven! I swear, never to rest till I have redressed thy wrongs! Is any awful mystery locked up in that bosom, that I must not know? Tell me the secret, and, by the ringlets of thy hair! I will swear never to reveal it, though the most DISAPPOINTMENT AND TEARS, 113 infernal torments rack me! Pour out thy soul- tell thine own Edward, what lies heavy in thy-breast? She blushed - she placed her fair hands across her snowy bosom--looked languidly into her lover's face, and softly like the last breathings of an ex- piring saint" -she thus confessed: " 'Tis them 'ere darned green appples, Ned!" DISAPPOINTMENT AND TEARS. DURING the years 1813-15, a Nantucket fish- erman, finding himself thrown out of his em- ployment in consequence of the embargo, and being in enterprising man, started for Ohio, cleared a piece of wild land -built a log house, and soon got his lit- tle farm in quite a thriving condition. This being done, he returned to Nantucket for his family, and told his wife he had purchased a fine country seat, and de- scribed it with all the enthusiasm of a romantic narra- tor. His wife was anxious to see the land of promise - they lost no time in packing up their goods,- which were put in a covered wagon drawn by a favorite black mare, which served the family for many years, page: 114-115[View Page 114-115] "4 "ITS AND DASHES. and proceeded on their journey. W:hen they got into ithe tate cGf Otlio, every handsome house they saw, the good lady would earnestly enquire, " is lhat the house?" ' Oh no," -said the rman, ' ours is far supe- ,rior to any we have yet passed." After riding through the woods for several -miles, he halted before his own log cathin, and told his wife and children to alight and walk in. ' What! is this the house? sihe exclaimed in surprise. On being told it was, she burst into tears, - thet children, too, began to weep,--and, said the fisherman, s' By G- the old mare cried too! I THE CONSUMMATION. IT was twilight. Seated at the door of a moss- covtred cottage, was the pride of the village- lovely Phoebe. Her. finely moulded form-- er ex- quisite acnd voluptuous Lust-, her classic and keauti- fully chisseled features--her sweet lirs-teeth of pearly whiteness - and such eyes! two drops of liquid azure set in snow! all combined--'twas enough to melt the verv soul of an anchorite! Fes'd&, this angel, knelt a youth, whose cheek, ,pale as ashes, told the 4ale - he was in love! THE CONSUMMATION. 1.5 "Tell me, suid he, in trembling accents, "tellime this night my fate. Keep me in agony no longer. Tell me what sacrifice I shall undergo for you--you, my soul's idol! Command me to perform a pilgrim- age around this earth on turning coals, and it shall be done. Anything-anything-but cast me not off. Plant a dagger in my heart, but keep me in suspense no longer! Say, lovely Phoebe - will you --will you be mine,?" He trembled --his heart throbbed-sshe saw he was ready to swoon-a crimson flush mantled her cheek -- Like the, rich sunset 'neath Italia's sky!" ,She took his hand in -herytiny -fingers - pult her smi. ling lips -to his ear, and whispered -- Obed! tshan':t be iothin' -else!" YE MAN WITH YE CARPET-BAGG E: YE CONTENTS THEREOF BROVGHT TO LIGHTE. AN PH(EBITS had reined up his steeds, and given them their supper of chop-feed and good fresh hay. Sweet Cynthia, with the very smallest morsel of rouge :upon her lovely cheek, rose from her ocean bed, nice and fresh as a ball-of new June but, ter,--lighng up the sand hills of Plum Island-- tip- ping the rough outlines of "Black-Rocks" with her page: 116-117[View Page 116-117] "6 HTS AND DASHES. soft and mellow light--casting a broad stream of liquid brightness around the " breakwater," and sil- vering the manifold window-panes at the settlement of Joppa. Now came forth Hesperus, " neat, trimly dressed," and the whole constellation winked, blinked and twrikled " blythe and gay." 'Tw;as at this interesting hour that a middle sized, pale, and rather elderly gentleman, with a slight blush upon his nose, clad in a suit of rusty blacks alighted from the cars at the Newhuryport station, from a western tour, and taking up his inseparable companion--the well-worn travelling bag, trudged onward to the principal public house. Lponi reaching the hotel, our veteran laid his carpet-bag gingerly down on the steps of the piazza, and went straightway into the hlouse in order to negotiate for a short tarry there. But O, unfortunate man! Returning - lo, and behold! the carpet-bag was not. A young man, who sat smoking a " regalia," told this man of travail that the driver of the Dogtown mail coach had just driven off, and as the mail-bag lay near by, he probably took the carpet-bag in lieu of it. More in sorrow than in anger did the wanderer receive this sad intelligence, and setting his face Dogtownwards, trudged unwearily onward. i At the upper end of the town, our poor wight en- -countered the eccentric teamster ,--"Tell me," quoth he, '" thou man clad in a smock-frock,--tell me, and direct mny steps to Dogtown." George, with finger to the side of his proboscis, told his- interrogator very YE MAN WITH YE CARPET-BAG. 117 gravely that Pearson's mills lay over there, pointing south-westerly. Our traveller then bent his steps in the direction of " over there," and by great good luck chanced to reach the Dogtown post office at ten p. m., where he found the post mistress busily engaged in as- sorting the contents of his truant carpet-bag. Had it been a post master, the world 'would still have remain- ed in ignorance of the contents of that mysterious bag; but thc nks to the curiosity of this daughter of Eve, I am enaLled- to lay Vthe inventory of the long-hidden mysteries before a curious public:-- ITEMS. One shirt without collar or bosom. Two collars and bosoms. One pair of shoes - somewhat worn. One pair of blue yarn stockings. One pair of drawers and one flannel shirt. Shaving apparatus, including pocket looking glass. Hair, tooth and shoe brushes, and box of paste blacking. A small piece of yellow soap. Needle, thread, sewing-silk, thimble, and bit of bees'-wax. Cotton night cap with border. Ball of yarn and darning-needle. One dozen shirt-buttons. Roll of parchment filled out in the Sanscrit. A slice of' old cheese. Roll of , SS. in Latin and Hebrew. A pocket Bible in Greek. One fine-tooth ivory comb. A small quantity of gingerbread. Cotton Mather's Magnalia, in two vols. octavo. Pilgrim's Pro..ress. Sternhold and Hopkins's collection of Psalms and Hymns. Half of m. baker's roll. page: 118-119[View Page 118-119] 1ITS AND DASHES. Half' qure of ffoolsap, two quill pens, and vial ofblack ink- 'Baxter's Call, A poor man's plaster. Small lot of barley candy. A temperance tract. And ast, though not east . would it have been be. lieved --rolled up in a copy of the Puritan, was found a: bottle of 4' Otard!" The articles were immedia'tely replaced, an apology offered by the post mistress for overhauling this queer mail, and granted by the persecuted possessor The lady thenl invited our wanderer to spend the night at her domicil, and in the words of Bunyan, ," The Pil. grim they laid in an upper chamber, whose windows opened towards the sun-rising; the name of the charn- ber was peace; where he slept till break of day, and then he awoke and sang." A RESPONSE. 119 A RESPONSE, HAD been reading yery late one evening, about the spirit rappers," who have set the wonder- struck wonderers agog, of late, as well as some others. Suddenly, an irdescribable sensation of drowsiness stole over me, and I was soon lost in the misty mazes of Morpheus. I dreamed that I was sitting in "ye Morss howse," at Newhuryport, the first place of ren' dezvous for " ye unseen spirits" and witches in New England. Save the monotonous clicking of the old eight-day cloclk that stood in one corner of the room, and the occasional snap of the last remnant of a back- log, all was hush. Well, thought I, things have changed here somewhat since Cotton Mather's day; everything in this room --nce the scene of all manner of strange pranks most strangely played- is n ,w as (uiet as the quiet- est body might wish. Ah! those were rare times, when old Gaffer Morss's c" inke horne did fly about ye roomre, lyke as if itt was possessed with ye dyvel,' and when L" ye potte did hopi e and dance and skippe around ye roome,'" all to their great amazement! But those days of superstition are passed and gone, and witchcraft has gone down to the grave, w1ith the old fb ols who believ;dl in it. At that moment, I heard one two--three; distilct raps upon the old oaken table page: 120-121[View Page 120-121] j-0 HBITS AND DASHSiSo beside me, and immediately the antique candlestick thereon did twirl about wilh the velocity of a top, tlbe flame of the twenty-four-to-the pound dipped candle therein, burning with a most brilliant ultramarine tint. One loud rap, the candlestick ceased its gyrations, the flame of the tallow luminary " paled its fire," and all again was still. Another distinct rap-like the Gaelic chieftain, I sprang upon my feet, and exclaimed, It Thy name and purpose?" Rap, rap again. By the aid of the alphabet I learned that 'twas the spirit of Lord Timothy Dexter. He had come to tender me his thanks for vindica- ting his character as I had done -in reminding the cold, heartless, self-righteous, narrowlvminded, ungrate ful old hunkers of his manifold charities, and his mag. nanimous public spirit, when on earth in the flesh. Rest in peace, generous spirit, I replied-so long as this town existeth, so long will the product of that fund thou didst bequeath the poor and Sneedy, who have kept themselves from the alms-house, cheer and glad- den the heart of many a poor widow, who shall, from her grateful heart, as she partaketh of thy bounty, send up thanks to thy good and kindly spirit! Rap, again; it was Billy Watkins's spirit; he had just called to pay me his compliments. A bouncing rap! Parson Milton," was the response: C"and," re- . plied the spirit of the old parson, "I don't thank you i or telling so many anecdotes about me; d'ye hear!" Rap, rap, rap, rap-thicker and faster-some I , Iould recognize, others I could not makes out distinct- . A RESPONSE. 121 ly ; but many, I knew, were spirits of the -olden school, who whilom did flourish in the flesh in this good old town, that had come to greet me. A short pause now ensued; but in a few moments--rap!- bang!! whang! sounded upon the floor of the kitchen, " s'o loud and dread!'" that it seemed to shake the old- building from sill to ridgepole. With no little tre pid., ation, I demanded what spirit had now corns, that "Roared so loud and thundered in the index " With reverence did I bow mine head, even unto the floor, and hold in my breath, when this transcendent- spirit responded-- "ANDREW JACKSON J! S And what is your bidding?" I queried of the old sage, warrior and patriot. By Jove's imperial thunder-bolts! sucel loud responses! when the General rapped- or rather thundered out - "THE UNION! by the Eternal! dont - split it! -- 9 '3 page: 122-123[View Page 122-123] '122 HTS AND DASHES. SPIRIT CHJROGRAPHY. In the same hour came forth fingers of a man's hand, and wrote over against the candlestick upon the plaster of the wall of the king's palace: and the king saw the part of the hand that vrote.-.Daniel dwp. v., verse 5. iQ NEW marvel comes up, and we slow believers have just begun, after investigating it thorough- ly inhall its parts, phases and ramifications, to give it the slightest credit, when lo! like unto the plant in the vision of Pescaro, it has grown to a hundred times its' original size,- making a corresponding demand upon our, slow grouing faith. So with the spirit rappings. According to Mr. Fernald and some other disciples to the faith, this spiritual wonderment has now nearly, if not fully, reached its climax ; for they tell us that the spirits now write upon tissue paper, placed up against the under part of the table! That announcement staggered what little failh I had been months in col- lecting; which, altogether, might have been stowed away, close and safe in the remotest corner of the shell of a mustard seed. But now the thing has been tested- proved to a demonstration-so, skeptics, avaunt! and dark infidelity, turn pale! A soiree came off at the hotel of Mrs. Dorothy Small at "Guinea," on Monday evening last. Dur- ing a pause in the dancing, the " minstrel," by request, did up "Old Uncle Ned." He had just got well into SPIRIT CHROGRAPHY. 123 this exquisite melody, when an accompaniment of "knocldings ' was distinctly heard to proceed from under the table. The whole company were amazed beyond measure, and so affrighted that " the joints of their loins were loosed, their knees smote one against the other,' and they stood speechless, with "Extending eye-balls rolling in white!" Peter Tusang was the first to break silence. This cgemman told the company that " he had had de pleas- ure to be present at seberal ob de sperit rappings, mong de fus cullered cirkels in Bosting; and de comp'ny need n't neber. be ' feared ob noffin,' for if dey will jes' keep still, he will endebber to find out who de sperit be, - else to ' stop dat knockin' altoged- der, intirely! ' Mr. Tusang then advanced towards the table from whence proceeded the rappings, pulled up his shirt collar, run his fingers through his wool, then, throwing the whole weight of his body upon his right leg--his left a little advanced, his right arm a trifle extended, with the hand open, the left arm akimbo, and with his woolly "cocoa-nut" a little a-jaunt -he, with the dignity of a commanding chief, demanded, " what sperit 'twas dat had come to visit this sembly, makin' de ladies and gemmen shake in dere petticoats an' trowserloons, like jujube paste or Guaba jellies, an' dere eyes to spand bigger dan Shanghai hens' eggs?" [Knock! knock!] Peter called over the alphabet from A to Z, but no responses came. "Rudder gue&, page: 124-125[View Page 124-125] 1:24 HTS AND DASHES. yoU can't do nuffin wid dat ere game," exclaimed one of the company ; " p'raps de sperit nebber knowed him's letters." . De 'telligent sperits, ladies and gemmen," continued Mr. Tusang, " had on'y jes one way to tell us who dey am, till tudder day, I heerd as how dat dey can write; but if dis sperit can't do either, -den what am we to do? dat am de question now 'fore dis 'sembly." "I'se got it!" shouted the "minstrel;" "Iet dis 'ere sperit get anodder sperit dat can write to help it.:' Mr. Tusang then called for a sheet of tissue paper; but even a scrap of common white paper was ,not to be found in the house; the very fly-leaves from -the only volume in the domicile, " music for the violin," were gone. Finally, as the last resort, a shingle was :produced, and clapped underneath and up against the table. A succession of raps followed; the knockings ceased; the shingle was removed, and laid upon the. table; when, to the astonishment of the ebony crowd, chalked upqn its face in bold characters, stood re- vealed - his UNCLE 1 NED! mark MYSTERIOUS TWADDLE. 125 MYSTERIOUS TWADDLE. is Augurs and soothsayers, astrologers, Diviners, and interpreters of dreams, I ne'er consult, and heartily despise: Vain their pretence to more than human skill; For gain, imaginary schemes they draw; Wand'rers themselves, they guide another's steps, And for poor sixpence promise countless wealth; Let them, if they expect to be believed, Deduct the sixpence, and bestow the rest." - ENIUS. O matter how ridiculous the hobby that is brought out, there can be found plenty of riders, ready to stride the nag, gallop and ride away, leaving com- mon sense and reason to (" tottle" a-foot, as best they carn. Some of our transcendant transcendental wiseacres, with their big bump of marvellousness, swollen almost to the capacity of a premium pumpkin, are congratu- lating themselves that they have reached the climax of wonders now in the nineteenth century-fairly out- stripping our forefathers, and the ancients before them, in all that is marvellous. Fools! Just let them read only as far as the Salem witchcraft, of the doings, mystifications, wonderments, twistified twistifications, ', Quips and cranks and wanton wiles," and all the divers and -manifold ramifications of the bewitched and bewizarded ones of those days that page: 126-127[View Page 126-127] 126 rITS AND DASHES. tried men's souls- aye, and bodies, too-then com- pare them with "these weak piping times," and they must exclaim - , O, O New England! thou hast lost the breed of noble witches!" Let us compare feats --a few of them. The spirits now, it is said, will remove a table a few inches. Pooh! that's nothing. Why, I have it, myself, from living witnesses, good men and true, that at the house of one Deacon Spafford, at Rowley, Mass., a big meal-chest did, without any human aid whatsoever traverse, sundry times, the garret floor, from one end thereof to the other, and with six men upon it! Think of that, ye modern goblins, and show forth no more your weak and puny powers! Rap upon the table, forsooth! Wasn't there a shower of " brickes, stickes and stones " rattled against the windows of " ye old Morss howse," at Newhury -that Cotton Mather tells us of in his truthful (?) Magnolia? Yes, even the very hog was affected, for he walked into the house of his own accord, and moreover, strange to say, was very willing to go out! The spinning wheel, there, was up-tipped ---goodman Morss's awl flew up the chimney, and anon would de. scend again, all by some unseen power. And a string of sausages that hung in the chimney corner went up the chimney, flying through the air-perhaps for a feast to these missionaries of "( ye dyvil!" After very many solicitations, I, a short time since, went to hear the " mysterious rappings." It was at a certain domicil at the "South end," where spirits do MYSTERIOUS TWADDLE. 1217 nightly congregate. An oblong table stood in the centre of the floor, and a round dozen of us, men and women, were seated around it, waiting in breathless silence for the ghosts of the departed to " squeak and gibber!"The conductor of the farce told us, very gravely, that we must keep our minds in spiritual trim, and aloof from things of earth, as much as possi- ble; those obeying these rules the most strictly, would have the best responses. Thereupon, two-thirds of the visages of this magic circle elongated to the longitudes of so many loins of veal! I cannot tell whatthe others of this wonder-seeking company were thinking of, but my mind flew from one thing to another, on any but spiritual themes. At first, I gazed upon the good- looking, buxom little witch--the medium-- , And fell to such perusal of her face, As I would draw it." Then upon the countenances in general, round about the table-'one, I was sure was jolly--two were thinking of anything but spiritual affairs--most, I know, were serious - and one poor wight appeared "Pale as his shirt: his knees knocking each other; And with a look so piteous in purport, As if he had been loosed out of hell' To speak of horrors!" The solermn and sable conclave of the Belknap street colored circle of rappers now flashed across my mind; I was forced to bite my tongue nearly through to avoid a giggle. Lastly, the ridiculously sober ap- page: 128-129[View Page 128-129] 1t8 HTS AND DASHES. pearance of us seated in " awful state " in that mock solemnity, made me feel as if I would gladly sell my. self for a crossed sixpence. Such was the state of my mind -the only spirituality about my brain, was the effect of a bouncing glass of old Madeira, which I had the precaution to take before I went there--to pre- vent any of the spirituals striking at my stomach! 'Twas now time to commence. Being nearest the ?medium, I was told to begin. " f there be any thing here in the shape or condition of a spirit, it will oblige me by manifesting itself," I exclaimed, at the same time trying to suppress a smile. No response. t'he next " caller" was an old stager, the spirits al- ways came at his bidding. But, alas!" disappoint- ment lurks in many a prize," he couldn't fetch 'em. Nor would they respond to the next, nor the next;- the whole company were disappointed. "There is some person or persons here that is or are repulsive {to the spirits-I'll put the medium in a :trance, and thereby find out the Jonah," exclaimed the director. "And I'll keep nothing back," returned the fair medium. A few passes from the potent hands of the master of ceremonies, and the damsel!" went off like a lamb," i into the spirit world -perhaps. i She told us that she saw myriads of spirits, i "Like greyhounds in the slips, Straining upon the start!" ready and willing to respond to each and all of the company present, save one. "And who might that iI MYSTERIOUS TWADDLE. 129 - be?"I queried of the maiden. "Id rather not tell, -you'll see anon," she replied. "But you were to keep nothing back," I urged. ' I can't tell that," she replied, maintaining her point. "The time waxeth late," said the conductor-- and now we'll go on again; you will commence, sir,' ad- dressing himself to me. Obeying the orders, I brought my fist down upon the imitation of rosewood, with a pretty sound thump, and thus tartly spoke out: c If there be any spirits present- good or evil- that have any idea of responding to me, they will please do it very sudden, as this will be their last chance!" Whereupon one' of 'the circle, a lady, started up, horror-struck, - and glancing at me a withering look, told me, snappishy, that she guessed I'd find out that the spirits would not be dictated by me!"Ah) well o' day!" said I, ' and perhaps that's your opinion, madam; but just let me tell you that it is, and always was, against my nature and practice to coax any one in the flesh - and I certainly shan't do it to spirits, you may be assured. I requested them politely, at first, to respond, but they heeded not; now I'll challenge them, and do no other way, you see if I don't bring 'em!" The disaffected lady then retired to an- other part of the room, and left me to do things as I pleased, without further catechising or lecturing. I gave another bouncing thump, and told the spirits, i. e., if there were any, which I very much doubted, that I was determined not to sit there and be fooled by them any longer, and that this was their very last page: 130-131[View Page 130-131] ;130 HTS AND DASHES. chance!-The disaffected lady trembled.--In a moment - [rap, rap,] was distinctly heard to come from under the table. "There!" exclaimed I, exultingly, to the affrighted woman, 4" didn't I raise' em?" "Ah, but perhaps it is an evil spirit," returned the credulous one. l' We'll see anon," I replied. A few knocks to my question, told me it was the spirit of my dead-and- gone grandma'ain. "Ask her if she is happy," sug- , gested the conjurer. "That would be a foolish ques. tion," said I, " why, my grandma'am was one of the salt of the earth, sir; I'd rather ask her something that I don't already know." But the spirit had other " business and desires " up- on its hands, it appeared,-for after rapping out to me that she could n't stay to say anything that night, but to my question when and where, promised she would meet me at the same place again, after the lapse of six days, grandma'am's sprite flew off in a twinkling, leaving the course clear for the rest of the company - and I took my departure for home, after fooling away two hours and a half, and lightening my pocket of one shekel of silver. A LENIENT DAMSEL. 131 A LENIENT DAMSEL. NNE- summer I visited a friend in the. northern part of Nesw Hampshire; he was a good, pious man of the free-will persuasion - I always liked those people-his family, too, all rejoiced in the faith, es- pecially the daughter, a buxom girl, inside of twenty. She wished to visit a relative, and I cordially invited her to go with me in my buggy wagon. It was a powerful warm day-the sun poured down upon us his double-distilled essence of Promethean caloric, nearly " dissolving us into dew," or something more limpid. Under such a sun and circumstances, of course, the sooner we got to our stopping place the better;-but we can't always have things exactly as we'd like them, so we must e'en lose our way, and ride some three or four miles more than we should. At length we got right, and were congratulating our. selves that we were in a fair way to be at our jour- neys end shortly,--frail hope - alas! how uncertain, fragile and brittle are our joys, things in general and carriage fixings in particular, here below, and especial- ly up in New Hampshire! for in descending an awful steep hill-smack! went our off breeching hook, "short as a pipe-stem," letting the carriage down up-' on the haunches of the animal, which operation the critter did n't seem to relish any more than did myself. page: 132-133[View Page 132-133] 132 HTS AND DASHES. Here's a muss, sure enough, I exclaimed, as I waited upon the lady out of the wagon, it's a good bit of space now to the foot of the hill, and a good mile, Quaker measure, to the tavern and blacksmith's. The sun poured down its very best triple heat, and the per- spiration rolled down my countenance like miniature Niagaras. "Our, armies swore terribly in Flanders,"' and it might be, I did something in that way, on this occasion. After considerable trouble, leading the ani- ! mal, zigzag, we soon reached the foot of the hill- our i greatest difficplty being then over, we had little or no detention, and were soon at the tavern. I gave the team up to the ostler, with orders to get a black- smith to repair damages, then waited upon the lady i into the house. By great good luck, the boniface chanced to have the materials for punch--I soon had one--fixed right--and didn't it go in the right place? That punch! "Rich, more sweet than Juno's milk!" It would surely have made, under these circumstan- ces, a teetotaller forswear his pledge! Of course, with such a streak of luck--finding manna in the wilderness, I was quite pacified- yes, actually appy, for "Sweet is pleasure after pain!" I And if it was not " lovely Thais sate beside me," the lamsel was comely and fair, to look upon, at least. S As soon as I had got pretty well soothed down, I old the maiden, that, perhaps I had given her offence .r. A LENIENT DAMSEL. 133 in my outhurst of passion, when I "unpacked my heart with words," not wholly sacred, and that I hoped and trusted she would excuse me, as I was not in the habit of doing thus, especially in the presence of a lady. I saw by her benign countenance, that the good creature, as is commonly the case with the gentler sex, did look with mercy's- eyes upon my transgres- sion; for, with the sweetest expression and the sugar- est tone imaginable, she told me that she did n't ap- prove of such speech and expressions, in general, 'of course,-howheit, in this provoking case, she thought that my conduct was, not only pardonable, but per- fectly justifiable. page: 134-135[View Page 134-135] 134 HTS AND DASHESo A CLEAN SWEEP. QA IAMBLING has a tendency to corrupt any good mind, no matter how little soever it may be in- dulged in. It is a selfish, sordid excitement-not an amusernent, turn it and look at it how you will. I shall never forget a story that my good old aunt once told me, when I was a child, about a gang of gamblers, who were found, one Sunday, snugly en- sconced, down a dry vat of a rum distillery, playing at cards for money! From that day to this, a pack of these gamblers' tools, always, to me, sei'ems to savor of New England rum. But to ny tale. A few months since, a certain deacon of Amesbury, who owned a mill, happening to be passing near it, one Sunday, overheard voices, which proceeded from the race- way; he walked cautiously closer, and peep- ing into the abyss, saw a round dozen of youngsters, seated close to the great wheel, at a game of cards, with a pile of coin and a jug in their midst. The dea- con crept gingerly into the mill, and looking down from out of the window over the wheel, shouted, "Clear the race-way, boys! the gate is- coming up!" If a shell had been dropped in the midst of this squad, With a burning fusee upon its vent, they could not have dispersed more suddenly-- they scattered like a flock of frightened sheep, leaving their imple- *, A CLEAN SWEEP. 135 ments, the money and their jug of grog, behind. The deacon, as soon as he saw the heels of the last delin- quent upon the embankment, clear of danger, hoisted the gate, when a flood of the pent-up waters, gushed, rushed, roared and tumbled adown the sluice--the mighty wheel turned, creaking and thundering upon its big axle--a deluge of the rushing tide sped through the race-way, and in a single moment, the "primers" of Satan, the jug and the coin, were on their journey towards thee broad Atlantic, never to return, of course! "( Thus fare all these attributes of Beelzebub!" ex- claimed the good miller, with a smile of satisfaction, as he shut down the gate, - and, Amen! most heart ily respondeth CYMON I page: 136-137[View Page 136-137] 136 HTS AND DASHES. SPICING IT HGH AND DOING IT BROWN, O0 matter whether it was at the east, west, north or south part of this city, where Daddy H. dealt out groceries and grog, so long as he did it - accom- modating his customers with common or uncommonly choice spirits, as it best suited their tastes, purses, or fancy, and increasing his stock of dimes thereby. Daddy H. was an epicure in liquors, and as good wine needs no bush, so, thought he, pure cognac, St. Croix, and Hollands requireth not the aid of condiments to mnake it go down, albeit he kept the different essences for flavoring his inferior liquors. One day, two wags, who knew the man, called up- on this dealer in wet and moist goods, and asked for two glasses of the best cognac. A bottle of the pure was set before them, with tumblers and a pitcher of water. After pouring out their liquor and tempering the ardor thereof with the cool Cochituate, the imbi- bers called for sugar--it was produced, but with a look from the epicurean dispenser of drinks, as if he thought that his customers were not of the most refined taste, touching spirits. "A little Stoughton now, if you please,' urged one of the party; " and I'll have the same," chimed in his companion. It swas an awful look that the grocer gave, as he added the elixir to the --in his opinion, already spoiled liquor. He bit his A BAIT. 137 lip, and muttered to himself, "What shocking bad taste some -folks do have " "Now, sir," exclaimed one of the cruel customers, as he sipped a little of the compound, u' some peppermint, if you please -that ' fix it about right, I think." Daddy H. snatched up the bottle of warming essence -jerked a goodly por. tion of the Menthean extract into-the tumblers - then with a most malicious flash from his eyes, snapped out, There, by thunder, I 'spose you 11 want me to spit in It, next!" A BAIT. CAMMY HGGINS was wont to visit the widow Muggins at sundry times and oft-- albeit, he was slow at mraking a point. The widow was right glad to receive the man Sammy, but nevertheless was sore- ly displeased at' his tardiness in making known his de- sires. Now the man Sammy wot not of the widow's anxi. eties, nor did he set his whole heart upon the woman, but he loved right well to sit and smoke his pipe be- side the window. One evening, after a long absence, Sammy hied to the widow's whereabouts; but as he crossed the 10 page: 138-139[View Page 138-139] 138 HTS AND DASHES. threshold of her domicil he was amazed beyond mean sure, for lo, and behold! the odor of burnt tobacco, even the Virginia plant, saluted his nostrils; where- upon, the man Sammy did question the widow Mug- gins touching the fumes of the weed which did fill her apartment. Then did the cunning woman open her mouth, and thus make speech: "I was weary, my love, inr waiting -fqr thy sweet company, with which whilom thou wert wont -to bless me withal; so anon, in order to remind me of thyself, I didst pro- cure the fragrant weed, and, laying it straightway up- on the coals, it did forthwith send out its sweet-smell- ing savor to gladden my heart, teaching me to think of thee! As soon as the widow had spoken these words, Sammy Huggins did fly into the widow Muggins's open and willing arms; he did forthwith make an avowal which was most graciously received, and, ere the month was wasted, they twain, by the aid of Par- son iHummins, were made one flesh. A CLTMAX. 139 A CLIMAX. A PARTY of gentlemen were journeying towards certain celebrated sulphur springs in Virginia, at which two rival houses were located some little dis- tance from -each other. The landlord of one of these houses chanced to be in the coach with this party, and he tried his best to persuade the company to put up at his hotel. After naming the abundant facilities, ad- vantages, comforts- and luxuries. his domicil possessed over that of his rival, he was asked by one "of the com- pany if there was any very particular objection to be urged against the other hounse, and if so, what was the- first andsmost important. "Obj-e-c-t-i-o-n-s!" drawled forth our Boniface, sneeringly; "Objections! why, gentlemen, the air about them 'ere premises is chuck-full o' brimstone-- you can scarce catch your breath - 'tis enough to sti- fle you ; then the water they use to cook with is full on't - you can taste the sulphur in everything -yes, you can smell brimstone all around and all over the- house - up stairs, down stairs, in the parlor, dining- room, sitting room, and in your sleeping room,- and, by thunder! sirs,'when your bill is presented I rather guess then you 'll begin to smell!" ; ^ page: 140-141[View Page 140-141] "O HTS AND, DASHES. SCRAPS FROM MY. SKETCH BOOK. UA DESCRIPTION of the scenery among the White Mountains --the Notch in particular-- is-altogether out of the power of my feeble pen. The heaven-kissing mountains, the cloud-capped hills, the stupendous precipices, the craggy cliffs, the mighty forest, the silver cascade, the gushing Saco, the wind. ing brook, the purling rivulet--I leave for some one mightier than myself to describe; and I will tell you my stage-coach adventure:- Going from Conway to Dover, N. H., my fellow.4 passengers in the stage consisted of a superannuated old man, whose phiz resembled the one which peeped "'Tween Priam's curtains at the dead of night," a, single lady on the winter side of fifty, who looked like one of the Weird Sisters in Macheth, and a bux- om girl of sixteen who sat opposite me. bWhile the old gentleman amused himself by chewing his tobacco in silence, and the spinster busied herself by taking souff' out of one of Bell's paste blacking boxes, I whiled away the hours by glancing occasionally at sweet .sixteen She was beautiful; her delicately chisseled features, her sott blue eye, clear as the etherial tint; a ruddy glow of health :usurped her cheek, like "The rich sunset 'neath Italia's sky; ' and, ito crown all these charms, a full rounded form, SCRAPS FROM MY SKETCH BOOK. 141 of which Juno might be proud. She won my atten- tion. Who was she . where could she be going?- to the factory? I hope in my soul, no; for, if so, she is going like a lamb to the slaughter.- It is wicked- 'tis down-right inquisition to put such younrg and ten- der beings in a Factory. Should she go there, her manners will be corrupted--in a few short years those charms will fade away. Instead of breathing the pure mountain air, she rises early, toils late, for a small pittance, and inhales into her' delicate lungs the nauseous hot air, pregnant with cotton dust, and the fumes of whafemoil. She pines away; a sickly pale now comes over her fair cheek, "Like lawn being spread upon the blushing rose." She spends all her savings, the produce of many a tedious day, for medical attendance. It is of no avail. Consumption, with his iron grasp, has her fast. The thoughts of home rush on her soul; she sees her kind parents, with her brothers and sisters, seated around the happy fire-side. How her soul yearns to be among them ; 'tis impossible ;she is too feeble to walk across the room, much more so to ride a hundred miles over a mountainous road. She has neglected writing home to acquaint her parents with her indis- position, thinking she should soon recover; 'tis now too late; despair enters her bosom, pierces her youth- ful heart, as she lies on a wretched bed in the crowded garret of a factory boarding-house. Grief bursts her tender soul; she lifts her longing eyes towards hea. page: 142-143[View Page 142-143] 1A2 HTS AND DASHES. ren; breathes a fervent prayer, then closes them for- ver. And that fair form is now f compressed beneath be clods of the valley!" No, no,--she cannot be factory girl; Let me hink! yes I! have it now. She is a young boarding chool miss; her -kind, indulgent parents have fitted ier out, and sent her down to the Quamphegan Aca. lemy; that's it. How could I have been so mista- :en? I wish-she would speak. Such sounds as would come from those lips must be like ("Earth's deep, sweet music." Just as I was about to interrogate her, an accident elieved me from the task; for on going down a steep ill, a band-box fell fi'om the coach, when the angelic Featulre exclaimed, 1' Hallo there, driver, you 've lost ny bandbox ; you're the carelessest critter ever I seed ,now you may jest start yerself arter it!" " THE DYING ISHlERKMAN. t14 THE DYING FISHERMAN. - The ruling passion strong in death." 2T was a tempestuous night. The angry winds howled and uttered forth their unearthly moans. Old ocean roared, and lashed Plum Island's sands in wildest fury; and all nature seemed in uproar! In a rude hut beside the flats of Joppa--lies stretch- ed upon his bed, the manly form of one of old ocean's children. He hears the raging wind, the pelting rain and hail, and the Atlantic's roar,--but he heeds them not. And why should he? Hie was born and cradled upon its rough billows; the whistle of the storm was his lullaby. And now, he lies awaiting the coming of the King of Terrors. Hark! The old South clock has ham- mered out the last stroke of twelve.- See! The dy- ing fisherman has leaped from his couch, and stands erect in the middle of the floor! The old nurse stands back aghast! Lo! he has seized his garments --the very habili- ments in which, full many a time .and oft, he has fol lowed his vocation. Now he is fully equipped ; with gigantic strides he rushes into the desolate street. With clenched fists at his mouth, in lieu of a trumpet - his eyes like carbUn- cles- he stands in attitude, and roars in vthunder tones, which might be heard above the, din of -the en. raged elements-- "H ERE'S CLAMS'! then- fell the honest fisherman lifeless on the ground. page: 144-145[View Page 144-145] "4 HTS AND DASHES. SCRAPS PFROM MY SKETCH BOOK. "A chiel's amang ye tafkin notes." EAR-SHRT is the euphonious appellation of a snug little settlement of honest farmers, some five or six miles from Quamphegan, Me. They have one store, a school-house, and a house of worship. A son of Ethiopia fills the sacred desk. Strange to say, but his people almost worship him . He eats, drinks and smokes with them,-and if report speaks truly, they sometimes smoke the pipe from his mouth. As a matter of curiosity in these parts, I went to hear him hold forth, one Sunday; such a looking colored clergyman I never saw before. As I entered the church and saw him sitting in the pulpit, it remind- ed me of a passage in Tam O' Shanter, "There sat auld Nick." His forehead sloped backwards, to an angle of forty-five degrees; the top of his head, which resembled a bell-pear, was almost an island, his capa- cious mouth extending very nearly round it; his nos- trils: were terrible ; an enormous pair of woolly whis- kers graced his ebony phiz, reaching under his chin; his eyes, as he turned them skyward, resembled two new tin pans; he looked awful! After he had mut- tered a prayer, read a hymn and helped the choir to convert it into music, he commenced operations on the sermon,-and theway he extemporized to the sinners, and warned them to flee from the coming wrath, was a pattern worthy to be followedl by all lukewarm A SLIGHT MSTAKE. 145 preachers among the "uwhite-faces." He exhorted them to "keep clear of dem parnishus doctrines, dat sez you can go to hebbun on de wide smoove wode, wid silver slippers on. Radder gess dey well get mis. taken if dey blebe in dat doctrine; gess how dey will find out dey will hab to go de crooked way, ober a stony wode wid brog ank on dere trotters, dat's vot dey vill!" A SLIGHT MSTAKE. A:!UNT NABBY,- maiden sister of Captain D., the grocer-man, kept her brother's house, and occasionally tended in his store. Her brain was a tri- fle shattered- that, with a swig now and then at the cognac, was very apt to upset her equilibrium, and strange mistakes would often occur. One day, a poor, but very honest woman, came in- to the store with a handful of silver change, which she told the captain she had found in sifting a half-peck of meal, bought of his sister that morning. On ques- tioning Nabby, it turned out that she had thrown in the coin to even the scales! I page: 146-147[View Page 146-147] "6 HTS AND DASHES. But the strangest freak of Nabby's aberrations happened once upon a Thanksgiving day. The captain had returned from church with an invited guest for dinner. The cloth was laid,--then the caulk- ings from-the oven-lid were rernoved,-the oven was opened, and the goose and pudding were taken out- but alas! and alack-a-day! the viands came forth as they were put in-untouched by caloric. Nabby iad forgotten to heat the oven! EPISTLE FROM NORTH SCITUATE TO THE BOSTON POST1'. ORTH SCITUATE, or "Old Sittywate," as the grandsires and grandames call it. '$ Here I've 'scaped the city's stifling heat, Its horrid sounds and its polluted air." But the breach is not wide enough yet, -for at the very place where I am domiciled, which is located upon a bye-road -a package of quack medicines, a magazine of the fashions for July and August, and a bundle of yellow-covered novels have just arrived, and are lying upon the very table where I'm now writing, waiting the arrival of the proprietor, a lady visitor fr6m the city. "O, for a lodge in some vast wilderness!" EPISTLE FROM NORTI SCITUATE. 147 By Jupiter! I'll get out of the way of this trash before summer is out-for, I'll fly to the outskirts of New Hampshire, and there, where "Through the clouds, Chocorua's peak doth rise, And lift its granite forehead to the skies!" I pray I may get from the sight and sound of this vile stuff--these dregs of civilization,! The vegetation here is doing well, and the fields, gardens and damsels are "Blooming with rosy smiles!" This, you must know, is one of the oldest towns in the Bay State; nearly surrounded by. the salt water; it is a very healthy place, and the people being frugal and temperate -- no apothecary or doctor being very near-they generally lieto a ripe old age. They are too fond of the dimes 0o squander-them away upon medicines and such lux-urie. They have a queer way f doing some things here, -instead of paying away fifty or one hundred dollars to a doctor, apothecary and nurse for a family event, as we poor fools do in the city,-five dollars for an old lady who serves in the capacity of mid-wife, nurse and maid of all work, pays the whole bill-- roots and herbs included! The only book she consults is the Farmer's Alman- ack; and when it is II full sea," she takes her chance, and all is right!"Natura duce," for ever! Commend me, likewise, to one of t-heir methods of making wills- wills, such as no disciple of Black- page: 148-149[View Page 148-149] "8 - HTS AND DASHES. stone would dare undertake to rip up. An old lady, for instance, is about finishing up for this world ; her kith and kin are called around her bedside, together with three disinterested witnesses; the testator, propped up by a pillow, then goes Ion with the items:--"A stocking full of silver dollars to be divided zuch and so-a quart, or half-peck of halves and quarters, thus and so--(be it known, the people here are all thrifty) -her furniture, wearing apparel, and other nick-knacks, so and thus." The moment the testator "goes off," the recipients take their bounties, and go each on their own way, rejoicing! They are generally an honest people, and somewhat godly withal, having a good supply of meeting- houses of different creeds-one,. the unitarian, sport- ing a tall steeple- - Like a pencil on the sky!" which the waggish-" salts " here have christened " the sloop.' Matny people, however, do their own worshipping at home, as it comes somewhat cheapern One of these parsimonious saints, in a morning prayer, begged the powers above to " cure mia'm's cough!" For she had tried flax-seed tea and " thorough-wax," and it had done no good. And once, in saying grace at ta- ble, this same man craved a blessing upon all the food set before them, " except the apple sairce, that we got at Deacon Widgin's, and don't need it.!" "'Old Sittywate" can boast of raising one poet, at A SQUALL4 , 149 least, - Woodworth, the author of that exquisite gem, "The Old Oaken Bucket," sprung to light a mile or- two from my whereabouts. A poet in these parts, among these matter-of-fact people, ;whom no airy- forms or phantoms of the imagination clothe - wholn nought but the music of the smiling, chinking heap, or the sight of the quickly convertible bank bill delight,"' is like manna in the wilderness. Yes, Nature, in one of her freaks, created a poet here! Twas the daugh.- ter of Olympia, who a Broke the plough-boy's morning dream, Led him o'er woody hill and babbling stream, Lured his young foot in every dale that rung, And charmed his ear in every bird that sung!" A SQUALL. "'List ye landsmen all to me, Messmates, hear a brother sailor Sing the dangers of!the sea."--Tom Dibdin. NOTHNG is more amusing, especially to an old salt, than the mistakes of a green hand,in lnauti. cal' technicals. Many years ago,- one Captain Clapp skippered a "pinkey" out of Newhuryport. One season, hands were scarce-land this captain was forced to take up ,with two very green 'uns, who had never been u' on the great deep, nor done business on the mighty wad page: 150-151[View Page 150-151] 15Q HTS AND DASHES. ters." The first;day out, everything went on smooth. ly; the taunt schooner glided along under a good steady breeze, like a dolphin. The second day, all things looking fair, - the skipper, after stationing one of the men forward on the look-out, and the other at the helm, .,went below to take a siesta. An hour had scarcely elapsed, when a squall came up in a twinkling-striking the pinkey upon hers quarter. Wh-izz! Eent the schooner through the water, with the velocity of lightning! I Iswow, Jake! she's mad,- she foams at the nouth!" said he at the look-out. The man at the helm didn't understand the use of he tiller rope, so he was obliged to quit his hold, and et the vessel .have her own way. " Well Saml," said he, " the, riddlin' sticd has took ommand o' the quarter-deck, guess we 'll call the apt'n." Just at that instant, the schooner got into the trough f the sea- over went both Inasts--the sea stove her bulwarks, taking the binnacle in its course, as ie captain popped his head out of the companion M ray., "Captain Clapp," said the helms-man, "guess u'd better come up now; here's the old sarpent to ty, the masts are gone, the ropes have got in a tarnel arl, the riddlin'-stick has took command of the quar- deck-and, by darn, we've lost the tabernacle erboard! ' of THE CLOSE OF., THE YEAR. ; t51 THE CLOSE OF THE YEAR. ']HE present year is about making its exit, and w ee feel as if we were bidding adieu to an old acquaintance. As we take a retrospective glance at the hours gone by, since this year first shone upon us, many a tear of joy and of sorrow will burst forth in spite of our philosophy. Sweet memory will bring to light mafny a bright halcyon hour. - But all is not joy here below; a few sprinklings of sorrow Will surely serve to fill memory's cup ;and with many-- very many - 'twill form, alas! the largest, portion. There sits a, bereaved mother; her only daughter, young and lovely, the comfort of her old age, the pride of the neighborhood, has been cut down by death. Physicians did their utmost--ber friends watched by her night and day -all could not save her, but Like a lilly drooping, She bowed her head and died!" ' Where is that young man who was the very life of the young circle?"Where - be his jibes now'? his songs? his flashes of merriment?" Gone? gone forever! His body now reposes in yonder cemetery, and his spirit has returned to Him who gave it! Many can tell their tale of sorrow; husbands have lost their wives- wives their husbands; near and page: 152-153[View Page 152-153] 1+5 Hits, AND DASHES. dear friends have been separated by .death's impartial dart; but why should we murmur? "Could tears revive the dead, Rivers 1hould swell our eyes, - Could silhs recall the spirit fled, We would not quench our sighs." Now is a goodly' time to make resolutions for out conduct the coming year. Let the old toper throw down the inebriating glass for ever. And ye mod- erate drinkers'! shun the intoxicating cup as you would'a basilisk! make a resolution never to touch the infernal liquid more. Young men and maidensl set down some gospl resolutions for the forthcoming year, so that you may be wiser and better at the close thereof. Ye middle aged! your sands have half run out! if you have not lived as you ought to'have lived -ask pardon for the past, and live purer and holier for the remainder of your lives. Ye whose heeds are silvered over with age! whose faces are i' Ploughed by the share ofyears! remember that you stand upon the very brink of the grave, and, after a few more rising and setting suns you will, . ' Upon this bank and shoal of time- Jump the life to come!" then, if you have lived an honest, virtuous and righlteous life, you will, when the hour of dissolution draweth nigh, exclaim, "Oh death, where is thy sting I\
