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Nye and Riley's Railway Guide. Riley, James Whitcomb, 1849–1916 
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NYE AND RILEY'S RAILWAY GUIDE

By

EDGAR W. NYE


AND

JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY

Illustrated by Baron DeGrimm E. Zimmerman
Walt. McDougall and others

CHICAGO THE DEARBORN PUBLISHING COMPANY 1888

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COPYRIGHT, 1888,
BY BILL NYE AND JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY
(All Rights Reserved)

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Why it was done.

What this country needs, aside from a new Indian policy and a style of poison for children which will be liable to kill rats if they eat it by accident, is a Railway Guide which will be just as good two years ago as it was next spring — a Railway Guide if you please, which shall not be cursed by a plethora of facts, or poisoned with information — a Railway Guide that shall be rich with doubts and lighted up with miserable apprehensions. In other Railway Guides, pleasing fancy, poesy and literary beauty, have been throttled at the very threshold of success, by a wild incontinence of facts, figures, asterisks and references to meal stations. For this reason a guide has been built at our own shops and on a new plan. It is the literary piece de resistance of the age in which we live. It will not permit information to creep in and mar the reader's enjoyment of the scenery. It contains no railroad map which is grossly inaccurate. It has no time-table in it which has outlived its uselessness. It does not prohibit passengers from riding on the platform while the cars are in motion. It permits everyone to do page: xii[View Page xii] just as he pleases and rather encourages him in taking that course.

The authors of this book have suffered intensely from the inordinate use of other guides, having been compelled several times to rise at 3 o'clock A.M. in order to catch a car which did not go and which would not have stopped at the station if it had gone.

They have decided, therefore, to issue a guide which will be good for one to read after one has missed one's train by reason of one's faith in other guides which we may have in one's luggage.

Let it be understood, then, that we are wholly irresponsible, and we are glad of it. We do not care who knows it. We will not even hold ourselves responsible for the pictures in this book, or the hard-boiled eggs sold at points marked as meal stations in time tables. We have gone into this thing wholly unpledged, and the man who gets up before he is awake, in order to catch any East bound, or West bound, North bound, South bound, or hide-bound train, named in this book, does himself a great wrong without in any way advancing our own interests.

The authors of this book have made railroad travel a close study. They have discovered that there has been no provision made for the man who erroneously gets into a car which is side-tracked and swept out and scrubbed by people who take in cars to scrub and laundry. He is one of the men we are striving at this moment to reach with our little volume. We have each of us been that man. We are yet.

He ought to have something to read that will distract his attention. This book is designed for him. Also for people who would like to travel but cannot get away from home. Of course, people who do travel, will find nothing objectionable in the book, but our plan is to issue a book worth about page: xiii[View Page xiii] $9 charging only fifty cents for it and then see to it that no time tables or maps which will never return after they have been pulled out once, shall creep in among its pages.

It is the design of the authors to issue this guide annually unless prohibited by law and to be the pioneers establishing a book which shall be designed solely for the use of any body who desires to subscribe for it.

BILL NYE. JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY.


P. S.—The authors desire to express their thanks to Mr. Riley for the poetry and to Mr. Nye for the prose which have been used in this book.

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  • AUGUST—RILEY 15
  • ANECDOTES OF JAY GOULD—NYE 7
  • A BLACK HILLS EPISODE—RILEY 107
  • A BLASTED SNORE—NYE 160
  • A BRAVE REFRAIN—RILEY 158
  • A CHARACTER—RILEY 116
  • A DOSE'T OF BLUES—RILEY 188
  • A FALL CREEK VIEW OF THE EARTHQUAKE—RILEY 13
  • A HINT OF SPRING—RILEY 140
  • A LETTER OF ACCEPTANCE—NYE 37
  • A TREAT ODE—RILEY 142
  • CRAQUEODOOM—RILEY 67
  • CURLY LOCKS—RILEY 95
  • EZRA HOUSE—RILEY 134
  • FROM DELPHI TO CAMDEN—RILEY 54
  • GOOD BYE-ER HOWDY DO-RILEY 164
  • HEALTHY BUT OUT OF THE RACE—NYE 79
  • HER TIRED HANDS—NYE 126
  • HIS CRAZY BONE—RILEY 61
  • HIS CHRISTMAS SLED—RILEY 124
  • HIS FIRST WOMERN—RILEY 23
  • HOW TO HUNT THE FOX—NYE 28
  • IN A BOX—RILEY 182
  • IN THE AFTERNOON—RILEY 45
  • JULIUS CAESAR IN TOWN—NYE 17
  • LINES ON HEARING A COW BAWL—RILEY 85
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  • LINES ON TURNING OVER A PASS—NYE 96
  • ME AND MARY—RILEY 87
  • MCFEETER'S FOURTH—RILEY 179
  • MY BACHELOR CHUM—RILEY 149
  • MR. SILBERBERG—RILEY 74
  • NIAGARA FALLS FROM THE NYE SIDE—NYE 89
  • NEVER TALK BACK—RILEY 4
  • OH, WILHELMINA, COME BACK—NYE 137
  • OUR WIFE—NYE 144
  • PRYING OPEN THE FUTURE—NYE 68
  • SAYS HE—RILEY 173
  • SEEKING TO BE IDENTIFIED—NYE 196
  • SEEKING TO SET THE PUBLIC RIGHT—NYE 184
  • SPIRITS AT HOME—RILEY 77
  • SOCIETY GURGS FROM SANDY MUSH—NYE 166
  • SUTTERS CLAIM—RILEY 194
  • THIS MAN JONES—RILEY 25
  • THAT NIGHT—RILEY 100
  • THE BOY FRIEND—RILEY 35
  • THE CHEMIST OF THE CAROLINAS—NYE 62
  • THE DIARY OF DARIUS T. SKINNER—NYE 118
  • THE GRAMMATICAL BOY—NYE 56
  • THE GRUESOME BALLAD OF MR. SQUINCHER—RILEY 5
  • THE MAN IN THE MOON—RILEY 122
  • THE PHILANTHROPICAL JAY—NYE 151
  • THE TRUTH ABOUT METHUSALAH—NYE 102
  • THE TARHEEL COW—NYE 112
  • THE RISE AND FALL OF WM. JOHNSON—NYE 46
  • THE ROSSVILLE LECTURE COURSE—RILEY 109
  • WANTED A FOX—NYE 190
  • WHERE THE FIRST MET HIS PARENTS—NYE 1
  • WHERE THE ROADS ARE ENGAGED IN FORKING—NYE 175
  • WHILE CIGARETTES TO ASHES TURN—RILEY 171
  • WHY IT WAS DONE—NYE & RILEY XI
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