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Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1867, BY LORENZO D. BLACKSON, in the Clerk's Office of District Court for East. District of Pennsylvania.

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Lorenzo D. Blackson

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SKETCH OF THE LIFE OF THE AUTHOR.

I WAS born on the 9th day of May, in the year of our Lord 1817, in the village of Christiana, Delaware. The names of my parents were Thomas and Hannah Blackson. They had both formerly been slaves, but my father being set free at the age of 35, he afterward bought my mother's time. They had seven children before my mother's freedom, who were born slaves, viz.: Rebecca, Maria, George, Adam and Eve, who were twins, Seth and Shadrach. After my mother's freedom, there were four of us who were born free, namely, Thomas, Lorenzo, William and Susan.

The knowledge I have of my predecessors does not extend far back. My father and his father and grandfather, I was informed, were each named Thomas, and I am told some of the relatives were very powerful men physically. Of a grand uncle, it is said that twenty-five men could not surround and take him. My father's mother was named Susan. My mother's father was an African prince, who, with a son and a daughter, were stolen away from that country and made slaves. He was said to have a gold chain about his neck when stolen. His African name was Palice Abrutas Darram. His son's name, who came with him, was Mounch. His daughter's name was Yambo. My uncle Mounch being a slave, ran away from Delaware many years ago, and very probably changed his name, making it hard for his relatives to find him. When my mother last heard of him, many years ago, he was then living in the city of New York, and was well to do. My aunt Yambo was taken out West, and is said to have married an Indian. My reason for particularizing these things is the hope that this may come under the notice of those spoken of, if alive, and if dead, that some of the surviving friends or relatives might see it, and be able to give us some information regarding our relatives. To return. My father and mother were for many years worthy members of the M. E. Church, and died in that faith, leaving a bright testimony behind them. The children which were under their control they endeavored to train up in the way page: 4-5[View Page 4-5]Switch to Image ModeCLOSE Page 4-5 they should go, setting them a good example, and it may be owing to this that their children who have lived to grow up, have generally been members of Church, and three of their sons are at this time preachers of the Gospel, viz.: Shadrach, Thomas and Lorenzo. The last part of my father's servitude was with a family named Steward, near St. George's, Del. My mother served the last part of her servitude with Mr. Joel Lewis, of Christiana, Delaware, who was father to William D. Lewis, Esq., of Philadelphia. My father was for a number of years an exhorter in the M. E. Church, and was said to be very useful, and was a man much gifted and powerful in prayer; and there are those yet living who can bear witness to the efficacy of his prayers, having felt the effects thereof. He died on the 27th day of April, 1844. The last time he partook of nourishment, he said the next time he ate, he expected to do it in heaven, in his Father's house. He died soon after. My mother survived him a few years, and died as she lived, in the triumph of faith. They now rest from their labor, and their works do follow them. They were both much respected by persons of all classes in the neighborhood where they lived. My father was considered an eminently pious man, and though he was a colored man, there were many white persons who acknowledge to have been converted under his prayers or exhortations. Some, I believe, are yet alive, and can testify to the truth of this assertion, notwithstanding the prejudice to color that did then and still does exist.

Having such parents, I had, as a matter of course, religious instruction from my earliest days, and was said to be a remarkable child when quite young, and was often engaged in attempting to pray and preach, and though being too young to understand the nature of what I was doing, it is said I sometimes made very appropriate remarks. When I was 8 or 9 years of age, there were two men who were brothers, and professed to be friends of my father. They requested my parents to let my brother Thomas and myself come and live with them as their own children, and go to school, they living in Baltimore. We left home for the first time in our lives, and went, according to their request, to live with them. We were with them for about seven months, the chief part of which time I was sent to school and learned very fast, so that when I had gone about one quarter, I had learned from my alphabet to read a little. Our teacher was a colored man by the name of Magill, and was a very good teacher. My brother was not sent to school, but was treated cruelly and brntally brutally by the man, but kindly by his wife, the man tying him up and whipping the blood out of him, and then putting salt upon him. The man I lived with treated me well, but his wife did not, for every week, whether I done anything wrong or not, she would strip me naked and whip me so severely with a leather strap, that the neighbors would sometimes come in and entreat her to desist, but this seemed to make her worse. Besides, she did not give me enough to eat, and when her daughter did any fault, for which she whipped her, she generally whipped me also; and when she did so, she commonly held my feet up and my head down. This cruel treatment caused me to pray earnestly that my mother might come and take me home. I remember one day I had been out, and earnestly engaged in prayer that my mother might come and take me away. I had scarcely got in the house when who should come in but my mother. The reader may imagine my joy at seeing her. When she returned home, she took my brother and myself along with her, and I have ever since thought it was a manifest answer to prayer. After my return home, as we lived near a school house where none but white children were allowed to go, yet, as the teacher was a great scholar and highly honored, the people would naturally bear more from him than another less honored; so therefore, as he employed my father to cut the wood for the school house and me to make the fire and sweep the house, they suffered him to pay by learning me my lessons. I continued to go through the winter, or about three or four months, by which time I had commenced to learn to write a little. But the white boys refused to allow me to set on the same seat or write at the same desk with them, and told me to kneel down at the bench I sat on and write on it. The teacher perhaps in this dare not interfere; so I got offended and ceased to go to school. As my parents did not make me continue, this was chiefly all the schooling I ever got, except what I taught myself, which will account for my deficiency in literature. It may not be amiss to state here that the name of the teacher referred to above was the Hon. William Madill, who has since not only gained that title, but has also held the honorable position of Governor of the State of Ohio, to which State he removed directly or indirectly from Delaware. Now, as I do not at this time purpose to give a minute account of my past experience, but merely a sketch, I will be under the necessity of passing many things by unnoticed, therefore I pass on to my twelfth or thirteenth year, when I was bound at my own request to a Mr. Joseph Taggart, who resided in Chester County, Pennsylvania, near Penningtonville, having lived with him several months before being bound; and liking him and his family, he promising to treat me equally as well after I was bound as before, therefore I desired my father to bind me to him. But after I was bound, I did not like it as well as before, and found a marked difference; and while there I was convicted for sin under the preaching of Rev. Thomas Miller and an exhortation of Rev. Jefferson Quigley. Being about 12 or 13 years old, I did not receive the blessing at that time. I thought I could not while being confined to home as I was then, and did not get the opportunity to go to meeting often, and had various things to encounter which I believed hindered me from getting page: 6-7[View Page 6-7]Switch to Image ModeCLOSE Page 6-7 ting religion; therefore I prayed earnestly to the Lord that I might get free before I was 21 years of age. Mr. T. soon after removed to Philadelphia; this not bettering my condition, I still continued to pray for freedom, and asked my sister, who lived in the city, to do the same. I promised the Lord that if he would only bring it to pass that I should get free before I was 21, I would then earnestly seek religion. Soon after this, Mr. Taggart concluded to remove West, and as I was bound so that he could not take me out of Pennsylvania or Delaware, therefore he had to let me go free, which was what I had been praying for; but to my shame I did not keep my promise for some time; but I could not rest contented on account of not keeping it. I continued this way for some time. When I was about 16 years old, in the beginning of 1833, the Rev. John Hearsy, a celebrated Methodist preacher, passing through the village of Christiana, preached two powerful sermons, the one from this text: "Delight thou thyself in the Lord, and He will give thee the desire of thy heart." The other from the following: "The angel of the Lord encampeth around about them that fear Him, to do them good." In describing the power of angels, he said they could do almost anything, except to forgive sins, and there was only one Angel that could do that, namely, the Angel of the Covenant. His discourse interested me very much, and I was aroused to a sense of my danger, and did not rest until I had sought and found the Lord, which I did after a long and severe struggle, on a Christmas day, in the year 1833; and it is only for those who have felt the glorious effects of the pardoning love of God to know my joyful feeling when I received the witness of sins forgiven. Neither my tongue nor pen can express my exceeding great joy, for it was truly joy unspeakable and full of glory, as the Scriptures affirm it to be. Now, as I above said, my parents were Methodists, and from my earliest remembrance they always took their children to church with them, and, as a matter of course, my sympathies would naturally be towards them, as they were and until now I am, partial to that sect, and their faith and doctrine I believe to be as near, if not more so, than any other, to that preached in the primitive Christian Church. Nevertheless, their general proceedings with their colored members caused me to doubt in even them, for I very early perceived that they made a vast difference in their treatment of the colored and white members in almost every respect; for even when they worshipped together in the same meeting-house, they had a separate place, namely, the gallery, for their colored members to set, in which there were benches without backs, against which old persons might rest their feeble frames; whilst for their white members, whether they were old or young, there were benches provided with backs. This and various other distinctions made merely on account of color, caused me to halt in my mind and consider whether it was best for me as a colored person to attach myself to a church that made such a marked difference in its members on account of color. Now, though I was convicted in the Methodist Episcopal Church, yet I was converted in the African Union Church, now called the American Union Church, founded by the Rev. Peter Spencer, colored, who with others withdrew from the white M. E. Church, on account of said things, yet he retained the M. E. faith and doctrine. I inquired of the Lord, when I got converted, what Church I had best join. I believe I was directed to the A. U. Church by the Spirit of the Lord, and unless she too, like other churches which have preceded her, deviates too far from her first principles, I expect ever to remain in her. But to proceed briefly. After I joined Church for near about two years, I was then moved by the Spirit of the Lord to go out and warn sinners to repentance. For a long time I would not yield to the impulse of the Spirit, and I tried to believe it was the wrong spirit that moved me to go out; but I was at length convinced to the contrary, and compelled to believe that it was the true Spirit of God that moved me to go out; and still not being willing to go out, I kept back as long as I could. But I had to yield to the impulse of the Spirit, and go. But as I purpose to give a more full detail, the Lord willing, of my experience, I merely hint at it now.

As I have above said, it is not my intention to give a full or minute account of my past experience at this time, as time and opportunity will not admit, but lest I should never have a better opportunity it may not be amiss to give a brief detail of my conversion and call to the ministry; without going farther back than the day in which I received the pardon of my sins which was as aforesaid, on on on the 25th day of December 1833. Being deeply convicted, I went into a general class-meeting in the African Union Church of Christiana, Delaware; and after each one had rose on their feet and spoke for themselves without being led, as is customary in these meetings; as I knew I was not converted, I did not intend to say anything, but old Father William Murphy, who sat next to me requested me to say something, I arose and said I had not religion, but wanted to get it; when I had finished speaking I felt the need of it more than ever, and therefore fell upon my knees in the presence of the whole congregation, and cried aloud from the great depths of my heart for God to have mercy upon me for the sake of Jesus alone, as I had nothing good of myself to recommend me into the favor of God. Whilst I was thus crying and weeping, I caught faith to believe that God for Christ sake would pardon me of my sins which I felt were many, and my only hope was the merits of his death and sufferings, and I give God all the glory and praise that in looking in this way for the blessing I soon received it to the great joy and satisfaction of my poor mourning soul, and my mourning was turned into joy, and for the first time in my life I could realize the page: 8-9[View Page 8-9]Switch to Image ModeCLOSE Page 8-9 words of the poet, who said "When I am happy in Him, December is as pleasant as May;" and I then felt exceedingly happy; yet I did not get so clear an evidence of my acceptance with God as I did soon after, for, though I felt joy and ecstacy, I was not willing to rely on that alone as a full proof that I was converted; therefore I prayed earnestly for the witness which I received, and a full assurance that my whole nature was changed to grace so that I could of a truth join with the poet, and say "The Spirit answers to the blood, and tells me I am born of God &c." I felt that if the Lord called me away any moment I would get to Heaven, for condemnation was gone, and the fear of death and hell was entirely removed; but it is in vain for me to attempt to describe the happiness I then felt, for it was truly joy unspeakable and full of glory; for when I looked back upon my past offences and saw what a great sinner I had been, and what a great God I had sinned against, and yet although I had sinned against him He had done so much for me even when I was a sinner; at the sight of these things I was lost in love, and wonder, and surprise, to think that the Great Creator of all things who is infinite in wisdom and power and in all his attributes, and that notwithstanding all of this, he should condescend to stoop down so low as to take on him the nature of man, sin only excepted, and live a suffering life, and die an ignominious death on the cross for man's redemption.

When considering these things, I felt that I never would be able to make a suitable recompense, nor to serve him as he deserved to be served; therefore I felt it my duty to do all I could to serve him, and so I set to work to try with all my might to do what I thought he required of me, and give myself to prayers and watching and sometimes fasting; but yet I felt myself very weak and unworthy, and that I was the least of all the Lord's little ones, for I thought of our Lord's command to his Disciples which was thus, "After ye have done all that is commanded of you say that ye are unprofitable servants, that ye have only done that which ye were commanded to do;" and, if they, after having done all that was commanded, were still to call themselves unprofitable, how much more should I who come so far short of doing all when I saw my short comings. It often used to grieve me to see the very great duty I owed to God, and how far I was from fulfilling it; but yet praise the Lord, he did not cast me off in his sore displeasure, but instead was exceedingly merciful to me, and gently led me along for the space of about one year and four or five months, when the worth of precious souls was laid very near my heart; although at the first of my conversion, I had a very great desire to see sinners converted, so that I often used to talk with some of my young friends who had been my playmates about their soul's eternal welfare, and I had the happiness of seeing some of them soon coming over on the Lord's side. In those days I had happy seasons, but this was not to remain long, for there were heavier crosses to come than any I had yet met with, for after this there was a work laid upon me to do, which I believed I could not do, and intended therefore not to attempt it.

In the year 1835, in the later part of May, I being in my 18th year of age, there was a deep impression laid upon me which I strove with all my might to resist from the very day I first felt it; for I thought it could not be from God, therefore I strove with all my might to put the thoughts of it entirely out of my mind, and prayed to God if it was not from him to remove it entirely from me; but instead of doing this he withdrew his spirit from me, and I could not feel happy like I once could, for it appeared the Lord would not hear my prayer, but left me almost comfortless, and in this comfortless state I strove to do all I knew was my duty to do, except the one thing which I could not believe was my duty to do; but when believing it was not I could not feel that joy and happiness which the Lord gave me to feel when he first spoke peace to my soul; for then when I went to the house of the Lord, I could always feel some of the good comforting spirit, and rejoice with that joy that is unspeakable and full of glory; and whenever I was at a good meeting, I always was sure to get a share of it, but now the scene had changed: for when I went to the house of the Lord, I could hardly ever feel happy but felt dead, heavy and cold, even when there was a great time of rejoicing among the people, and I could get no relief only when I would yield to be willing to do anything to please God he might require, even if it should be that which appeared to me to be impossible for so weak and unworthy a creature as I to do. I sometimes felt willing, if he would make me fully sensible he required it of me to attempt it, and while this willingness remained I could feel some of that joy and happiness which the Lord gave me when he first set my soul at liberty; but this willingness would remain but a very short time and then doubts would begin to rise again, and I would think it could not be possible the Lord required so great a work of me, that I was so incapable of performing so very great and so important a work; but the spirit said go, and I will be with you; but my reply was, Lord I am ignorant and fearful, and he that preaches thy word ought not to fear the face of man; also I have not the gift that is needful for a man to have who is a witness for thee, and I have not enough grace; but being convinced that all of these things was the gift of God, and as assuredly as he had sent me, and had promised to be with me, he would give me all things that would be needful for me to have. If I done my part therefore I was left without excuse; as to these things my next excuse was my brethern I supposed would not believe me, but would think I came of myself because others had gone, or to seek a high place, or to get a name amongst men, which I knew would be a very page: 10-11[View Page 10-11]Switch to Image ModeCLOSE Page 10-11 great grief to me for such things to be believed concerning me; these things with many others made me feel an unwillingness to make the attempt to go, and therefore I thought I would never go if there was any other way for me to get to Heaven without going, for I felt willing to do anything I knew of to please God but this, and therefore I resolved to use every other means of grace but this one; and many times I tried to believe that this one was not required of me by the Lord, but was a temptation presented to me by the devil, therefore I strove the more to resist it, but when I done so I was left comfortless and helpless, and it was in vain for me to try to get relief in any other way out to believe that it was the spirit of the Lord that moved me to go; and when believing it was then I felt comfort and happiness, but believing it was not, I felt miserable; but yet I thought it was not on account of my not believing that made me feel so bad, but was on account of my not living as near to the Lord as I ought, therefore I would try to make a double effort to serve the Lord better than ever, but I found myself unable even to do as well, and this caused me much grief, and to mourn, and cry, and pray unto God for relief, but instead of relief, there came more grief until my grief became so great that I desired to die rather than to feel as I did, or to do so great a work, for it appeared to me as death to go and death to stay, so I halted between two opinions what I would do, and I said woe be to me if I go, and woe be to me if I do not. But unbelief still had a place in my heart, and I strove with all my might and main still to believe it was not of God, for I thought I had not proof enough of it; so therefore I again strove to content myself and cast it out of my mind, but I could not do it, and I felt myself getting weaker and weaker.

The spirit of the Lord seemed almost to have forsaken me, and I felt unable to do any good things, and my prayers seemed not to be heard, and when I would look back and think of the happy seasons I had when I first started to serve the Lord, and think how miserable I now felt, sorrow would fill my heart; for I well knew that in time past I had felt the true spirit of God, but I did not feel it now as I had formerly, and I knew without it I could not stand; and the thoughts of going back was too awful for me to bear the idea of, but I found that to stand I could not, except I became willing to do the will of the Lord in all things. So therefore, I found there was no other remedy, but to do his will or go back. On the 4th day of April, 1837, I went away in a secret place, where in the days of my first love, I had often went to pray, and had there often felt the spirit of God; and bowing upon my knees, I there poured out my complaint to the Lord in prayer with all my heart, and besought him to show me what was his will concerning me, and what he would have me to do, and I there gave myself up wholly to the Lord, to be willing to do anything whatsoever he required of me, even if it was to go out and warn sinners of their danger; and then did the Lord hear my weak prayer, and give me to feel such joy as I had seldom felt before. My tongue nor pen is by no means able to express the happiness I felt, for it appeared as though I was filled with the fullness of God, and was happy throughout my soul, body, and spirit, for I felt as sensible of the divine presence of the spirit of God throughout my soul and body, from the crown of my head to the soul of my feet, as I did of my existence; and all doubts and unbelief were removed entirely away, and my soul was unspeakably happy, almost as much as my body could contain, and at one time the spirit of God came so powerfully upon me as to take away for a few minutes the use of my limbs, and being overpowered, I fell as though I had been shot; and oh how happy was my soul. I felt some of the joy of the world come; and this glorious feeling continued with me a few days, in which time it appeared I had victory over every kind of sin, even of evil thoughts, and wrong desires, and wrong inclinations and temptations, for the Lord was with me, and felt sensible of his presence, and that he had done all, and I had done nothing that was good, but all good was of the Lord, and to him alone belonged the praise for all the good that was done in me. Thus I was gently led on for the space of five days, when I began to conclude that if I could feel thus happy without going out in a public way, I would yet forbear to go.

But O how soon did this joyful feeling leave me; when I came to this conclusion, I felt again distressed and oppressed in my mind, and when I found I was thus left desolate, I took to fasting and prayer, for the return of the Spirit; and after I had fasted two days and two nights, instead of gaining relief I was more and more distressed and grieved in my mind, and I could find no other reason for it except the conclusion I came to, to not go out to warn sinners; then did I remember that it was after I yielded to be willing to go out and speak the word of God, that the Lord was so merciful as to bless me with the great blessing I had received, and, also, it was after I concluded not to go that it was withdrawn from me; then did I again come to the same conclusion I had when I received that great blessing, and I yielded to believe it was the spirit of God that said go and warn sinners, and then did I again feel some of the joyful feeling, which convinced me that it must truly be of God, as I could find peace and happiness in no other way, but believing it was of him, for I was worse tormented in doubting it now than ever before, so that I saw plainly there was no other way for me to go to escape hell, and get to heaven, but to go in this self same way, and that nothing else I could do would be acceptable to the Lord unless I done this also, which I would rather, if I could have had my own will and please the Lord to not do this, but I found these words of St, Paul applicable to myself; Woe is me if I preach not the Gospel page: 12-13[View Page 12-13]Switch to Image ModeCLOSE Page 12-13 pel under this awful impression, I made known my case to one of the brethern, viz.: E. Saunders, who exhorted me to examine the spirit, and to know and be fully persuaded in my own mind: which 1 told him I did, and would still seek a deeper witness and so on that evening, which was a Sunday evening: I asked the Lord to give me that night, as a proof he had called me, one sinner to receive the pardon of his sins, which the Lord did; for although in the commencement, the meeting appeared very dull; yet, when it was about to come to a close, the Lord struck oue one sinner who came out on the floor, rejoicing and praising God, and who testified before that meeting came to a close, that the Lord had converted his soul; his name is James Potter, formerly of Christiana, Del. He is yet alive, though it has been twenty-nine years (1866) or thereabout, and he still remains a worthy member of the A. U. Church, and an officer in the Iron Hill branch of the Church. We had at the time of his conversion, a mighty time of rejoicing that night; all of this went to prove more fully to my understanding, that the Lord had truly called me to proclaim the word of truth, therefore I gave up to go whenever my way should be clear, for I had now told the brethern what lay on my mind and that I was willing to go whenever my way should be open to take up my cross, and try to do the work. I felt myself clear as to my part, and while I was awaiting for my way to be open, my prayer to the Lord was, that if after all I was deceived, and he had not called me, to block up my way that I might not go, and rather let me die, than to go without being sent; yet I dared not disbelieve that I was sent, at the risk of being tormented with some of the torments which I sometimes thought that souls that were lost must feel, and to be delivered from such awful torments as these, I had no other remedy but believe, with the determination to do the work whereunto I was sent, and this remedy I choosed rather than sleepless and restless nights, and almost a broken heart; and this remedy was always sure to give relief, and in this relief I would resolve to do all that lay in my power to get my way open; and under this determination I went three times to Wilmington, Delaware, with the intention of seeing Father Peter Spencer the founder of the A. U. Church; and of telling him the exercise of my mind, but as the cross seemed very heavy, I went home each time without telling him, but I was troubled very much on account of so doing; the last time I went home with the intention of never going again; but to try to rest contented in the place I was in, and if my way was never open to try to save my soul in a private way, but my old distress returned again; and I was glad to do anything I could so my way might be made open, and I again promised the Lord that if He would pour His Spirit upon me, and give me to feel the joy I had felt before, I would, the next opportunity, tell Father Spencer how I was moved upon, and then again the Lord was so merciful as to bless me to that degree that my bodily strength failed under the weight thereof, and I was overwhelmed in the love of God, and resolved that I would do the will of the Lord if it cost me my life. Now all this time the Lord was working for me, and I knew it not, as appeared from what soon after took place; for very soon after this, Brother Ellis Saunders, as I was sitting in Brother Richard Green's house, asked me how my mind was respecting the things I stated to him some time ago. I promptly told him my mind was still the same, and more stronger so, than before. And there was no doubt in my mind respecting my call, and I was fully persuaded in my mind. So that evening he told me I had the voice of our own Home Official men in the Church at Christiana, Del. And he asked me which place I would prefer to have my trial, at home or Wilmington. I answered at home. He asked me if I would rather go to Wilmingtou Wilmington myself, and make my case known, or prefer some one to go for me to shun the Cross. I said I would rather some one would go for me, and requested him to go, which request he agreed to, and did so. And after this 1 was permitted to say something at home only. On the 11th day of March, 1838, was the first time I ever attempted to say anything in a public way, and though it was a very heavy Cross, I felt the Lord to be with me, and that while doing so, I was doing the will of God. But the fear of man had too much place in me to do the work as it ought to be done,—therefore I made but very slow progress in gaining strength. But by the grace of God I continued through much weakness to say something, until early in the year of our Lord 1839, when I began to increase a little in strength, and to gain a little more faith, and made strong resolutions to do what the Lord required of me more faithfully than I had ever done before, and all Glory, Honor and Praise, be unto Him who has kept me until now. I felt the Lord to be with me in those days, but this to me now was the beginning of sorrow, for fierce persecution, and false accusations, and false reports, began to raise dreadfully against me, and things that I knew nothing of, were reported about me for truth, and what was worse, these false reports were believed by some of high standing in the Church, without even inquiring of me whether these things were so or not, and I was dealt with as though I was guilty of those false accusations, for about this time my trial was appointed by Father Peter Spencer to be at Wilmington, before him and the Official Board of the Church there, he being the senior Elderminister of the Union Church, and having the whole connection under his charge, being the founder thereof and if standing my examination and was approbated by the Board, I would then be permitted to exercise in any branch in the connection; but on account of these false accusations, it was objected by our home men, or some of them at least, that I should not be sent on to Wilmington at the time appointed, and this conclusion was come to page: 14-15[View Page 14-15]Switch to Image ModeCLOSE Page 14-15 without my knowledge, or I even that an accusation was brought against me, and was objected to, for I was never told of it until within two days of the time appointed for me to be at Wilmington. On Thursday evening, January 10th, 1839, we had our young people's meeting at C—, and a most glorious time we had, and I was very happy in the Lord, and felt as strong a determination to serve the Lord as ever I had, and I was really trying to do so with all my heart, but however it was thought otherwise by some without any sufficient cause for their so doing. Now our home men had said nothing to me as yet, concerning my going to Wilmington, but Father Spencer had told me some time before, when I was to come up to Wilmington; so now the time drew nigh, this being Thursday evening, and the Saturday evening following, being the appointed time. As I was returning home from our young people's meeting, I fell in with E. S. our Elder, and merely asked when he saw Father Spencer last, if he had said anything concerning me, to which he answered somewhat sharply, that he did, and that I was to have been sent on to Wilmington the following Saturday, but that there was some objection to me, and I could not be recommended, and further said that my walks of late had not corresponded with what they were formerly. I will here say in his vindication, that he had been misinformed by those whom he thought he could rely upon, which will account for his proceedings with me.

But to return, in answer to what he spoke to me, I replied I did not know that I had done anything wrong, and if I had, I was very sorry for it, and would not have done it knowingly, and if any one had said anything about me, if it was true, I would own it; he replied there was nothing so bad but what it might be mended. I told him I was very sorry these things had happened, and that I would have suffered almost anything rather than for them to have happened; he replied he was sorry too, and so we parted. I went on my way home almost broken hearted, and I went to bed, but not to sleep, for the thoughts of what I had so lately heard, took all sleep far away from me, and I felt that the loss of any earthly friend would not have grieved me near so much, nor any bodily pain distressed me in any degree to be compared with the distress of my mind.—But neither my tongue nor pen is able to express the distress of my mind, and my earnest prayer to the Lord, is that if it is His will He will never let me spend another night like that. But then my distress departed not with the night, but was still with me in the morning, when I went to a friend's house, and my distress had taken such an effect upon me, that they took me to be sick, and said that I looked as though I had just come out of a spell of sickness, and asked me if I was sick. I told them I was not, and then I could not refrain from bursting into tears before them all, and two of them went out to talk over the matter, for one of them knew something of the affair before, but had not told me, which I told him he ought to have done; so after I stayed a while with them and talked of the things that had happened me, I left them and went to the woods to spend the rest of the day in sorrow, in fasting, and prayer, and meditation, for my grief was too great for me to desire to eat, so therefore to be in the woods alone, was in my opinion the best place for me to give vent to my sorrows by bitter sighs and groans and lamentations, and so I walked to and fro in my distress. Sometimes groaning and making bitter lamentations, and wishing that I had never been born, or had died in infancy, and had not lived to feel such distress of mind, for I considered affliction of mind far greater than affliction of body, and I would have rather had at that time any amount of bodily pain, than the affliction of mind I then felt, for it brought back again my old doubts and I thought how can it be possible that God has sent me, and yet suffered such things to come upon me? The devil said it cannot be so, and this I tried to believe, which added greatly to my distress, for in believing this, the Lord withdrew his Spirit from me, and I felt as though the Lord had forsaken me, and I had reason to believe my brethren had also forsaken me. These things, taking them altogether, almost drove me into despair, my feelings were such, that my groans in that place, though bitter, could not express much less can my tongue or pen, describe them. I strove to justify them that condemned me, and to think they had reason so to do, but yet on a close examination, I could not see wherein they had sufficient cause to deal with me in the manner they had.

But I did not see then, as plainly as I saw afterwards, that it was nothing but a trick of the devil; as about that time, if ever I was trying to serve the Lord, and faithfully to discharge my duties, since I first undertook to say anything for the Lord, I was doing it then; and if there was any change in my deportment from what it had been formerly, it was my trying more than ever to do what the Lord required of me. But men seemed to think otherwise; however I spent the day thinking of these things, which was the most sorrowfull day I ever experienced. Much of this sorrow came upon me through my doubting in what the Lord commanded me to do; for many doubts arose in my mind through the course of the day concerning it, but towards evening I tried to compose my mind a little more, and went home still feeling very much distressed in my mind until Sunday, when I was told by one whom I took to be my friend, that it was much through people's talk, that things had been done as they had; and that there was no need of them being handled as they were, and spoke some comforting words to me, which relieved me a little of my distress; yet I felt very much troubled in my mind, and it was after this, five weeks before I was called on to say anything in a public way, during which time my mind was considerably page: 16-17[View Page 16-17]Switch to Image ModeCLOSE Page 16-17 ably exercised concerning what had happened. As I could see no reason why I should be thus dealt with, but tried to keep down and be submissive, and show no rising-up spirit, so the Lord worked for me, for which I desire to give him all the glory, and honor and praise possible; and he brought the hidden things of darkness to light, and showed me how these things were, for I did not get to fully understand all the things that were laid to my charge; and who my accusers were for a considerable time after my rejection. Then the Lord brought it around that I got an idea who my friends were, and who it was through whom my rejection came, and when I came to find it was through some in whom I put the greatest confidence, and took to be my friends, it surprised and grieved me much to think I was so much deceived in those whom I placed so much confidence in. It caused me to doubt in almost all men, and nearly agree with the psalmist David, when he said, "I said in my haste all men are liars;" and I saw that too much confidence is not to be placed in any man, and that scripture I saw to be true, which sayeth "Cursed is he that trusteth in the arm of flesh, and that the man alone is blessed, who trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope is in God, in whom is no variableness nor the least shadow of turning; and he will not forsake us unless we forsake him." These words I can witness to be true; for if it had not been for the Lord, I have reasons to believe my way would have been entirely blocked up, but thanks be to God, he did stand by my poor soul to deliver me, and put it in the heart of one of his servants to stand up in my defence; who, although he had nevet never got the right end of the tale, yet upon a little examination, he soon found out that there was no sufficient cause for my rejection; so there he, as become a christian, reproved those who had done so, for doing so without having better ground than they had for it. They could bring nothing to prove me guilty of any crime sufficient for my rejection; and the fault fell where it ought, and I was cleared from blame, for which I desire to give most humble and unfeigned thanks to God for delivering me out of the hands of those who were too strong for me.

But to return; after the above mentioned things took place, my mind was so much troubled, and doubts arose so much in my mind, that I made but very small progress for some time. But yet did the Lord sometimes visit me very powerfully, and gently led me along, and I began more fully to rely on the promises; and in the fall of the year, I began to go about among the brethern to quarterly meetings, and in different places. I felt much of the spirit of God which encouraged me more and more to trust in the Lord; but yet I did not trust in him as I ought, but many times wandered away far in words, thoughts, and actions, for which I was sorry when I would see it, and prayed to the Lord to pardon, and forgive me for his great love and mercy sake alone; and he heard me, and had mercy upon me, which made me love him more, and resolved to do whatever he required of me, and my way was opened gradually.

And the time was appointed for Brother J. T. Morgan and myself to have our trial at Wilmington, on November the 10th, 1839; at which time I went up there with fear and trembling, and though none of our home brethern accompanied me there, yet the Lord God went with me. And if I had not feared the face of man so much, I believe I would have got on better than I did, but, praised be the name of the Lord, I felt his spirit more fully on Sunday morning, than on Saturday night; and I declared unto the fathers and brethern there, that God had really sent me to warn sinnets sinners of their danger, and to flee the wrath to come. Father Peter Spencer, preached to us a sermon suitable for the occasion, taking for his text, 2d Timothy, second chapter, 1st verse; "Thou, therefore my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus;" from which words he gave us much encouragement, and told us if we were sent of the Lord, we might expect to encounter many things, and, that it was a bitter sweet to have anything to do in a public way in Church affairs; and my prayer was that Brother J. T. Morgan, and me, might always remember the things he then told us, and treasure them up as long as we lived. Brother Morgan has some years since gone from labor to reward; after having arrived to the highest office, in the connection of which he was a member, viz.,—Elder Minister, in which he officiated for a very short period, and was then called from the field. We started together, but he soon got in the advance of me; I always considered his gifts and talents far superior to mine, and he was a very successful and powerful preacher, and has finished his work and gone home. But the Lord, for some cause or other, has left me behind until now, perhaps that I may do more for the furtherance of his great and glorious cause, and the building up of the kingdom of light on the earth; and also, that I might get better prepared and have my work fully completed. For soon after I started to serve God, it was made known to me that I had a great work to do; and, though I confess I have oft-times deviated and erred far out of the right way, and have been slothful on my journey, or I might have been further on.

Yet having obtained help from God, I have through much weakness, and unworthiness, continued on until now; though my trials have been many, and my conflicts have been great, and my crosses many and heavy, and I have not always borne them as I should have done, I have also labored under many embarrassments, and my troubles have been of a nature beyond human endurance, without divine assistance; that assistance, I thank God, I have generally had, or else I would ere this, have been overwhelmed with sorrow and grief from various causes; but as it is not my intention, as I have before observed, to enter at this time into a minute detail page: 18-19[View Page 18-19]Switch to Image ModeCLOSE Page 18-19 of past experience, which covering as it does. the space of nearly 33 years since my conversion, it would necessarily swell to volumes, what is only meant to be a brief sketch of my past experience, as an introduction to my feeble essay, to describe the Rise and Progress of the Kingdoms of Light and Darkness. And, having therefore given a description of my conviction, conversion, and call to the ministry, with some other incidental remarks, in our opinion it is not expedient that we, at this time should intrude our insignificant career upon our courteous readers, and, if it is never written on earth, it will, like the acts and doings of very many much more worthy men, be recorded on high; and in due time be ready in the presence of an assembled world. So therefore, now, without going into a detail of the various places in which it has been our lot to live, and what has been our experience in them, saving to say, that many have been our sorrows and joys in them all; and like those who have preceded us in their pilgrimage to the better land, I have been made to suffer many things unjustly, and sometimes by some who should have been the last that should have caused me thus to suffer. We must here conclude this part of our narrative, and it may perhaps be our privilege and duty at some future period, to give a more minute detail of many things of which we are now necessarily silent. And if what we have, or may write, shall, in anywise be beneficial to my fellowmen in general, and more especially to my at present ^* oppressed and despised race, I shall both be happy and thankful in time and eternity, and that it may be so, kind reader, is the earnest prayer of your humble servant, the author, this being the main object he has in view.

PREFACE.

IN presenting to the public this weak attempt of mine to describe the Rise and Progress of the Kingdom of Light and the Kingdom of Darkness, I am aware of my inability for so important an undertaking, but a sense of duty more than any high opinion of my own ability, has caused me to make this attempt, for I am sensible that however small may be the talent which the Lord hath given unto me, yet he hath given it to me to improve, and unless I do so, I will have to give an account to him for the neglect of a known duty; therefore to my brethren and sisters in the Lord and to the public in general, do I present this little work, in the name of the Lord. And whatever may be the judgment or opinions of any concerning my doing so, yet do I appeal to the Searcher of hearts, and declare that my motives have been to glorify God. And yet though I claim not perfection of style or manner—for this could not reasonably be expected of a man whose education is as deficient as mine—yet do I claim purity of intention and purity of aim, knowing at the same time, that if the Lord had not assisted me, I should not have been able to do as well as I have, and I hope that this may have the desired effect, which is, that many who are now under the power or Abadon, may become free from his tyrannical yoke, and partake of the glorious liberty of the children of Alpha, the King of Zion. So prayeth your humble servant the author.